Kage111 Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me a few weeks ago. I was a mess for the first week and I still sometimes lay awake thinking about her. I don't eat and I can't concentrate... This is probably because I have been doing everything wrong. I still try to see her everyday, I text her, I call her, and we even go out on dates. The thing is, when I go out with her, I'm really romantic and usually by the end of the night, she'll be holding my hand, snuggling up with me, and she even sleeps over sometimes. When morning comes, shes cold to me again and usually leaves without even hugging me. I recently tried going out with her again, "as a friend and not a boyfriend" and she was all over me from the beginning. The more I ignored her, the more she was into me. Same thing though, as soon as she wakes up, she just wants away from me. I'm attampting NC, but I'm weak for her. I always find myself calling her, I'm afraid she'll find someone else, I feel like I have to do something. I just want to know, does she want to be with me? How can I get her back without the NC method?
alwayssme Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Okay, listen and listen carefully. I am giving you advice because i have been in your shoes. Do you have any idea how EASY you are making it for her to move on? You think that by you sticking around she'll see what she's missing or she'll realize she loves you and want you back. The harsh truth is that SHE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT SHES MISSING...and whether she changes her mind or not in the future, for the moment being YOU TWO ARE NOT TOGETHER! When me and my ex broke up, we saw each other, texted and everything because i was hoping his feelings would come back if he spent time with me and he would realize how much he cared and he wouldnt want to let go. Well in my case it didnt happen like that. Stop hanging out with her. Dont call her, dont text her. Let her feel alone (unless she has someone else)...If yous tick around and then she eventually moves on, you are going to feel so hurt and you would have made it THAT much easier on her. Just leave her alone. If she wants you back, she will decide that on her own. I realized that the more you show people you love them, the more power they feel they have over you. Just be indifferent with her. Believe me, i know you're weak for her and think that if you stay away, it will only make things worse but it wont. Its the best option you have actually. I was always telling my ex how much i loved him and i think it only pushed him further away. Go figure.
Geishawhelk Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 .....and usually by the end of the night, she'll be holding my hand, snuggling up with me, and she even sleeps over sometimes. When morning comes, shes cold to me again and usually leaves without even hugging me. I.....Same thing though, as soon as she wakes up, she just wants away from me. She sounds like a Vampire. In both the emotional and the physical sense. Maybe she's drawn to you because you're putty in her hands, but come sunrise, she can see things as they really are.
BikerBeagle Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 All you are doing is allowing her to use you as a crutch ...to get over you.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Lol @ empire saying you're a doormat. More like a desperate insect. She's playing with you like a bug and using you. She'll move on 10x faster if you txt her/contact her often. And by often I mean even so much as once a week. She will feel she lost nothing and you're still just her tool, and she'll move on like nothing. And she'll take it a step further and keep using you like a tool. Do not be a tool. Cut off all contact. Counter-intuition is your only choice. (Judging by how you describe yourself). You need to cut her off 100%. If you fail, then you will fail. You are a tool to her. A tool. A tool.
GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 It probably hurts to hear what people are saying, but it is 100% true. Everytime I start thinking about calling, txting, emailing, etc I fire up an episode of House. The pure sarcasm can't help but make me smile. And by the time the 45 minutes are up my resolve grows even stronger.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Yes listen to Gone. House is good. But think of what I said too. Every time you dare start to type a txt to her or think of txting her or calling her or contacting her... think of yourself as a pitiful desperate insect. Is that what you want to appear to her? A pitiful desperate insect? Seriously. A pitiful desperate insect. Seriously. Move on. Find someone who isn't insane.
GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Yup. You have to think of it in terms of what most likely is going to happen. Could you really live with yourself if you cried your way back? Most importantly it will not solve anything. We all have memories. Some are good some are not. There is a reason history is taught in school. If we do not learn from the past then we are doomed to repeat it.
Author Kage111 Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Thanks for the good advice. She's going away on an international trip in a week, so I wouldn't be able to call her even if I wanted to. This is good, right?
bkaz01 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 let me tell u something look at my post i was in the same boat and u know what i did all the calling texts and trying to see her lead her to changing her number she is using u to get over u it sounds weird but when she feels down she knows she can count on u to be there dont be there its seriously impossible. but try i hurt so bad i try to go out w friends and all i think about is her its hell man but i just keep telling my self shes not worth it it works for a bout 2 minutes then its back to reality read my posts maybe u could help me
Author Kage111 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 Yesterday she called me. She needed help studying for a math exam and since that's pretty much my major, I agreed. When she finally came, I tried to act like I didn't care about her, and she felt uncomfortable and left. I asked her to come back, but she said she had already invited two of her male friends to go to her room and study with her. I miss her so much. I don't want to move on, but I also don't want to cry my way back. I just want her to want to come back... Break ups suck.
EmperorR Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Yesterday she called me. She needed help studying for a math exam and since that's pretty much my major, I agreed. When she finally came, I tried to act like I didn't care about her, and she felt uncomfortable and left. I asked her to come back, but she said she had already invited two of her male friends to go to her room and study with her. I miss her so much. I don't want to move on, but I also don't want to cry my way back. I just want her to want to come back... Break ups suck. invited her two male friends? sorry man it's over Should have told her that your busy, don't let her keep on using you.
dns502475 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 It's not about wanting to move on...you HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE ON at this point. You want to know why you're getting such strong and stern advice from everyone so quickly? BECAUSE WE'VE ALL BEEN HERE BEFORE AND WE ALL SEE YOU FALLING INTO THE TRAP. Seriously, it's like you come home, hit the TV remote, National Geographic or Discovery Channel just happens to be on, the show is about carnivorous plants and on the screen some poor fly lands inside the mouth of a venus flytrap and it's just walking further and further in. We all just...see it comin'. Cut all contact. Tell her that it's all or nothing and then make the decision to face the pain head on.
pushforward Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Ouch man. I know of your pain. I'm sorry, but everybody is giving sound advice. It's best you listen now and practice NC. She's gone, in fact LONG GONE. Accept that it is over 100%. Each day you spend pining after her, is a day you could have spent healing. She has 100% control of you. Where is the dignity and self respect? Don't be her doormat, don't be her fool. It's going to hurt like hell. You need respect her wishes and disappear. She is eventually going to date. She is eventually going to be with somebody else. The sooner you accept things, the less hurt she will be able to inflict on you. Think about it as in terms of a foot race. She has a running head start, maybe months ahead of you. Do you really want to stay at the starting line? Don't make somebody a priority if they aren't making you an option. Everybody is being as honest as they can be. We've all been through, hell this is my first break up and I can say I've been through it. NC will allow you to get yourself back. Let the dust settle and see her for who she really is. PUSHFORWARD! It's going to hurt. REALLY BAD. If you don't believe me, read my topic in coping under dealing with the pain. You can see how I fluctuate from one emotion to another. The great thing is... I'm getting BETTER. BUWHAHAHAHA. I'm still sad, but I'm starting to see who she really is. You need to stop being "in love" with her. She's gone and left you high and dry. Are you going to cry and wait for her? Or are you going to go through the hurt and pick yourself up and show what you're made of? Keep coming back to post, we're here for you. A link to my thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t172565/ Lots of reading, but great advice. I hope you pull it together.
Author Kage111 Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 So I pretty much had an intervention with my friends today. I guess they were sick of me always being depressed. But yah, they said everything you guys have been saying. "Give her space, stop thinking about her." I guess it really hit hardest coming from people who really knew us as a couple. It's still hard to imagine how after 4 years, she can just fall out of love, but I feel like I'm getting better everyday. This may be a dumb question, but I've seen books online about this stuff. I'm definitely hesitant to purchase any of them, since I feel like they may just be a scam aimed at people who aren't thinking clearly. Anyone have any success with books?
dns502475 Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 This may be a dumb question, but I've seen books online about this stuff. I'm definitely hesitant to purchase any of them, since I feel like they may just be a scam aimed at people who aren't thinking clearly. Anyone have any success with books? I purchased almost every one of these programs and no, they did not work. Nothing you can do will "make" her want to be with you. These programs really just tell you how not to completely chase her away with childish or psycho behavior. It's over. Accept it. Just bite down and take the pain.
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