Jenniferdew75 Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years 2 months ago. We were deeply in love and i've never been as close to anyone as i was with him. We were so good together, people would ask how long we'd been together for and wen we said 3 years they'd be shocked because we always acted as if we'd been together months not years, always in close contact right up to the day b4 we broke up. It was my decision to call it off. His father died in summer and at first he wouldnt let me leave his side but after awhile he began to change alot and started pushing me away, he was always going out without me etc and also changed his life goals like marriage etc. At the time i thought they were all just signs he didn't want to be with me anymore so I broke up with him, I know now they were part of the grieving process, after speaking to some who also lost their father. We stayed friends and text each other now and again to see how the other was doing. It took me awhile to realise that but when i did I told him how sorry i was and that i wanted us to get back together so i could be there for him, he as predicted 'didn't want to be with me anymore and said i should move on' i was hurt by him saying this but said i respected his decision. We carried on as friends and he began to start callin me the old nickname he used to call me and bein affectionate again in texts. I asked him if he wanted to meet and he said yes so we did and the meeting went great, we chatted like friends but i could tell he missed me as much as i missed him. I could see it in his eyes. after the meeting i gave him a letter which basically said if he missed me asmuch as i missed him an he wanted to be together again then he shud let me know because nothin wud have to change he cud have all the freedom he needs and i wud wait for him till he was ready to commit to me again. He text me after readin the letter sayin 'he loved me and missed me but couldnt handle it at the moment' he said he 'just wanted to be friends for now and didnt kno wen he wud be ready' so i told him to take his time and think it over. I left him be all weekend and monday mornin he text me just asking how i am etc. I considered initiating NC but then i spoke to someone who lost their father and she was adament i must be there for him and show him i care no matter how cold he is towards me. So i replied tellin him i loved him and was there for him etc etc he told me it 'made him feel awkward and that he didnt want to be with me anymore and thought we should both move on' i text back saying goodbye and that i loved him and hoped we cud be friends one day. He said he loved me too. Then for some reason i saw red and i told him not to tell me loved me cos he clearly doesnt because if he did he wud wanna be with me. he replied saying 'dont make us fall out' so i replied with 'my heart is telling me to fight for you and my head is tellin me to let go' he didnt reply. I haven't heard from him since but tonight we were meant to go out for a mutual friends birthday and he told the friend that he wasnt gonna go if i was there because it wud be awkward. It made me mad but now the red has gone i see why he said that. Although in my anger i kinda text him saying he should go out for his friends birthday and that i wouldnt go and i wud go see my bf instead (who is non existant of course) and i called him a big baby lol I just thought it was a babyish thing to do. It made out mutual friend upset that we both couldnt be there on his birthday. Anyway I really need some help because as you can see I'm not all there right now. I'm up and down like crazy. I just wanna know what I should do next for the best. For me, to make me stronger. i do want him back but it's not gonna happen when i'm in this state is it. NC????? I keep feeling the need to apologise for my every outburst aswell, is that normal??
Geishawhelk Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 No contact. Really, it is the only way. There is no other way to get your head straight, get your life back on track and get on with living. Also, it helps you to avoid having to apologise for outbursts all the time. If you're not in touch with him, you can't make any mistakes.
Author Jenniferdew75 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 It's been almost 10 weeks now since me and my ex broke up and i'm still missing him deeply. Majority of the time i'm ok but then i have bad days like today where i just miss every part of him. I've been on NC since saturday when I text him to agree with the breakup...finally. I'm the one who left him but i realised i made a mistake after a month, by then it was too late he was adament he didnt want me back and wanted to be friends. I guess I just need a boost, am i doing the right thing? I think I feel because I'm the one who left him i feel it's my job to get us back together even though he claims he doesn't want that. I believe in the saying 'if you love something set it free' But why does it have to be sooo hard :0(
heartbroken55 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 You weren't there for him when he needed you the most. You broke up with him instead of comfort him through something difficult. I was going through some difficult times too when my girlfriend broke up with me too and it's hard for me to forgive her. If she went up to me all apologetic and wanting to get back together, I'd probably just get pissed off at her because I want her to suffer her decision. But since she's acting like she doesn't need me, it makes me want her back. So maybe you should act like you don't need him.
BikerBeagle Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I think I feel because I'm the one who left him i feel it's my job to get us back together even though he claims he doesn't want that.He's not 'claiming' he doesn't want that ...he's 'telling' you he doesn't. Big difference.
Author Jenniferdew75 Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 Yeh thats kind of what im doing but because i feel so much guilt i keep almost caving. i feel terrible for what i did. yeh i see wat u mean, i think i just said 'claiming' cos he seemed confused at first and then seemed to makeup his mind so fast the next.
Joker77 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 My father passed away five years ago. My girlfriend at the time completely abandoned me when I needed her most. When he died, she acted like she could have cared less. That summer, I met someone and it took off fast. My ex hated it and all of a sudden she wanted me back. Me being the fool I was at the time, took this idiot back and wasted a wonderful opportunity with a great girl who I am still friends with but she got married. Anyways, after I took this idiot back, she dumped me a short time later only to apologize to me a year ago via email for not being there for me. It didn't matter anymore. I didn't want her and I was single at the time. Until you've gone through the loss of a parent, you don't understand the grieving process.
Author Jenniferdew75 Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 My father passed away five years ago. My girlfriend at the time completely abandoned me when I needed her most. When he died, she acted like she could have cared less. That summer, I met someone and it took off fast. My ex hated it and all of a sudden she wanted me back. Me being the fool I was at the time, took this idiot back and wasted a wonderful opportunity with a great girl who I am still friends with but she got married. Anyways, after I took this idiot back, she dumped me a short time later only to apologize to me a year ago via email for not being there for me. It didn't matter anymore. I didn't want her and I was single at the time. Until you've gone through the loss of a parent, you don't understand the grieving process. please dont mistake me for acting like your ex did. i was always there for my boyfriend whenever he needed me even when we broke up. i told him if he'd of asked me to stay i would of.
Author Jenniferdew75 Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 I was there with him when he died. I would of done anything for him.
Author Jenniferdew75 Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 My father passed away five years ago. My girlfriend at the time completely abandoned me when I needed her most. When he died, she acted like she could have cared less. That summer, I met someone and it took off fast. My ex hated it and all of a sudden she wanted me back. Me being the fool I was at the time, took this idiot back and wasted a wonderful opportunity with a great girl who I am still friends with but she got married. Anyways, after I took this idiot back, she dumped me a short time later only to apologize to me a year ago via email for not being there for me. It didn't matter anymore. I didn't want her and I was single at the time. Until you've gone through the loss of a parent, you don't understand the grieving process. After reading this i feel like i need to be there for him and that no contact is a bad idea....i keep going through this feeling
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