Do I have any shot at getting my Ex back...im soo down without her

[moodoo]

so i met this great girl through one of my friends 2 years ago and we dated for 2 years she's now 24 and im 22. Im from the middle east but im christian and she is a stunning white girl. This girl comes from a family where the parents are divorced and mine are happily married, after a few months we loved each other and told each other so often.

 

The sex was incredible our friendship was great, she lived about 200 miles from me but we spent every weekend together and it was a blast, then about a year and a half ago she stop having sex with me and admits to me shes been cheating on me, i was heartbroken obviously but i forgave her because im the kinda guy who is really nice and she truly seemed sorry. We end up getting back together but she says she doesnt wanna have sex because she wants to take things slow from now on so i agree and we didnt have sex for around a year or more.

 

fast forward to august this year she says she loves me but doesnt wanna date me and says nothigns wrong with me its just her. I personally think shes worried what her family would think of me because im nott white, but im not dark or anything im just not american. I have a college degree and I run a succesful web company so its not like im a hobo but in 2 years she never introduced me to her family and only introduced me to one of her friends. She also constantly calls me crazy for using a keystroke logger to get her facebook password a year ago and find out that she was cheating on me.....but i had a gut feeling she was cheating and i was right so why does she continue to think im crazy and untrustable. I had a right to know when i was so devoted to her.

 

My parents and friends think i should just forget her and tell me Im young and succesful and any girl would want me but if your heart is set on somebody you cant just forget that. I really think she does want me bc the other day i invited her to come stay with me on new years and she really really thought about it then said she didnt like my friends all this while she "supposedly" has a new guy shes dating.....if they were dating she would still talk to me.....i relaly think her problem stems from growing up in a household where the mom and dad split up but are still very close today so she thinks its ok to just treat people like that and theyll always be in your life still, she has a serious issue of opening up with me but i love her soo much you dont know. please help me

[DSM-IV Tom]

Unfortunately when people grow up through divorced parents, etc., they often are the one who suffers. They have abandonment issues (whether apparent or not) and also trust issues. (Also may not be apparent).

 

You hit the nail on the head with your analysis most likely. And there's nothing YOU can do about it... except possibly encourage her to get help from a professional. Because she is beyond your help.

 

I don't know if you did things wrong or not, so I am careful not to say too much about her. But for cheating on you, she is at least a liar. Possibly a bad person. (Actually, most likely a bad person).

 

You certainly should find out how to burn the bridges. She has cheated on you. It's really that simple. People who cheat will cheat again... as hard as it is to accept. As much as you don't want to.

 

You must cut her out.

[Adamagnet]

I really think she does want me bc the other day i invited her to come stay with me on new years and she really really thought about it then said she didnt like my friends all this while she "supposedly" has a new guy shes dating

 

If she wanted you she wouldn't have needed to "think about it" and she wouldn't have made up excuses.

 

....if they were dating she would still talk to me.....i relaly think her problem stems from growing up in a household where the mom and dad split up but are still very close today so she thinks its ok to just treat people like that and theyll always be in your life still, she has a serious issue of opening up with me but i love her soo much you dont know. please help me

 

Where the problem stems from is irrelevant at this point. I am guessing that you've known for ages that if you discover the root cause of a problem you can determine it's corresponding solution. Unfortunately, trying to use logic to solve an emotional issue won't work...

[FF84]

She also constantly calls me crazy for using a keystroke logger to get her facebook password a year ago and find out that she was cheating on me.....but i had a gut feeling she was cheating and i was right so why does she continue to think im crazy and untrustable. I had a right to know when i was so devoted to her.

 

No. You had no right to break into her facebook account. I'm not surprised she thinks you're crazy.

 

How would you feel if someone did that to you? Even if you had your doubts, that's still unacceptable. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[DSM-IV Tom]

While FF84 is a little on the harsh side, I do agree with him. That was an incorrect choice on your part... and if that's how you think in general, then we may have found our problem.

 

But we can't know that yet.

[moodoo]

getting the password to her facebook was definitely wrong on my behalf but when you spend so much time dating a person and you love them and even spent almost $1000 on birthday gifts which she happily accepted while cheating on me do you not think i deserved to know i was being played, its not like she was going to tell me, i just had a hunch from how she reacted. Im just dumb im in love with girl who cheated on me and treated me like crap for the past year i cant help it i dont know why but i just need you guys help and advice to either get her back or just move on and forget her somehow no matter how hard it may be

 

i mean cmon im in love with someone who never introduced me to her parents, she says shes never introduced anyone to her parents and i only met one of her friends in 2 years yet shes always out on the weekends were not together with some people who i guess i wasnt worthy of meeting, its truly my fault but im in love and cant help it please help me out

[DSM-IV Tom]

Listen. You love her so much despite her abuse because her abuse has knocked you down many pegs mentally. You feel inadequacy as a result. Whether or not this is apparent to you, though, I am not sure.

 

But due to her abuse/treating you poorly, you've been convinced you cannot do better. She has successfully beaten you down.

 

So you tell me.

 

What the hell do you THINK you should do?

 

Drop that insect female. Dime a dozen. I turn down girls like her for fun.

[moodoo]

thanks yea i should have known better....2 years no introduction to herfamily even though she met mine, introducing me to only 2 friends and never putting up facebook pictures with me or saying she was in a relationship....i shouldve known better but i was always like its ok her parents are divorced shes probably a little nervous about all this an wanna push her. She even used to say how scared she was about possibly loving dont me wanna lose all contact with her but we said some mean things to each other in the past 24 hours and it was childish but i have a gut feeling she isnt dating someone new like she claims but shes trying to make me jealous, i dont know new years is coming up and im pretty sure we wont spend it together for the first time in 2 years and its killing me is there any hope of getting her to spend new years with me because the thought of her not being with me for that big kiss is killing me

[LouiseC]

It's probably best not to spend it with her to be honest - after all that new year kiss kinda sybmolises the coming year. And I would suggest not repeating the same painful cycle next year too.

 

You sound like a lovely guy, and any girl would be lucky to have you.

[goodmorningtowakeup]

listen man...this chick is a racist cheater at heart. You think shes nice and everything because she liked you in the first place, but man, im telling you that she is not at all the person you thought she was....

 

SURPRISE!!!!

 

sorry tho also...its a deep pain....BUT

 

once you meet a girl that you like a whole lot who introduces you to her family like, right away...

 

YOU WILL FEEL WAY MORE AWESOME THAN WHEN YOU WERE WITH HER!!!

 

its just a dumb situation man...you cant be dumb....p.s. can i have a job at your company? i might be qualified....

[FF84]

Spend some time alone right now, don't let thoughts of her eat you up, it's not healthy.

 

Use the New Year celebrations an opportunity to spend time with friends. Maybe she will realise what she's missing?

 

Take some space and work on yourself, she's not good for you right now.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Man you need to read my replies then read your replies to my replies.

 

I have shown you she has beaten you down to basically a pet status, and you feel you need her now as a result. That's exactly what she has been hoping to do for a while now. She probably just got bored and you're still desperately trying to cling on.

 

Look at your damn replies man. You are desperate even though you admitted how she's messed up. Don't you see you're exactly what I said you are? She beat you down with mental abuse and now you feel like you need her. Look at your damn replies man.

 

There is 100% absolutely no chance you will be with this girl. And you should be thanking God of that. You have no idea what kind of bullet you dodged, because to you, you think this girl love(d)(s) you. You need to run now.

 

Stop.

 

Listen to me.

 

STOP.

[moodoo]

i dont think shes racist bc she dated a black man after me.....granted he was a professional athlete i just think she may be embarassed bc her family isnt succesful or shes just embrassed by her parents.....

 

 

As for the guy looking for a job.Are you a good salesman? My company won a significant grant and its honestly probably the first web 3.0 company ie big concept no venture capital involved, it involves basically dulling down prices to unreal levels by elimination of high prices office rentals and salaries workers because in the end a dotcom can be run from an iphone and doesnt need an office and 5- engineers to function, so we have salesman who sell our $3/month product and earn $20 per lead which is very very high pay in this economy and its a very easy sale because its a very useful virtual product. Literally working 1 hour a day can net you $100 easily. So its basically pitched as more of a side job where anyone can earn extra cash as opposed to a real job because its not really something where youll make money in 6 or 7 years bc people who sign up once and re-billed and you run out of opportunities down the line. I guess send me a PM if youre interested and ill send you the details i dont wanna advertise on a forum because then my whole problem will probably show up when we're googled haha

[DSM-IV Tom]

Hell I'd give your company a shot. That actually sounds interesting. I am well versed with such things.

 

You can't be PMed though because you are not an established member.

 

You can email me though.

 

[email protected].

 

I'll hear you out. Don't know if I'd do it though. But I'd hear it out.

[EmperorR]

Sorry man, from the first time you know she was cheating on you. You should have ended it there, once a cheater..........., I wouldn't be shocked if she contiued cheating on you after this time. I don't think she's racist either,. But trust me just LET IT GO. My ex cheated on me to and I still had feeligns for her for a long time, then I realize anything is better than a cheating scum vermin.

 

Why do you want someone who treats you bad and cheated on you?, trust me theres a whole heap of better woman out there, you have her on a pedastool right now, kick her off the pedastool. How is she stunning? her outer beauty she's a jezebel. Trust me she's not stunning a stunning woman is beautiful inside and out, who won't cheat is faithful and won't use you for money and won't break your trust.