In a "is she lieing" situation?

[Xoshua]

Hello all, I'm new to these forums! Tried to read through as many as possible but there are so many! Anyways, here's my situation...

 

I'm 19 years old, my fiance is 24 years old. I am from Canada, she is from MN. We are actually moving into our own place in less than 7 days but theres something getting to me. We've been together for a year now, but some things are just getting to me.

 

I will go chroniclogical order so everyone is up to date, and knows more about this.

 

We meet online through a game (I know bad eh). We talk more and more, and we start dating online on December 10th. Later on we have our arguments here and there. She lied about a previous sex partner from the game as well she met, and said he just came down like a stalker and nothing happenned. Than the next day she told me they did have sex, anyways.

 

Next was a cop from her town (some town Pipestone), asked her out, she told me, I was a bit upset. She talked to some guy on the game, she lied, than admitted she did because he was friends with me and she could see why I was upset from him.

 

So we get through those times, next she comes to live with me. We still have our arguments. Little things. But there are some other lies. She has an addictive personality, she lied about taking pills, which we caught her in a lie.

 

We are living with my parents at the moment, they took her in, out of kindness. She kind of took advantage, she was working and was suppose to pay my parents 1/3 of her paycheque. She didn't.

 

She's lied about taking food and money. She recently went to Flordia for her work. She has 1 week training there. So she took 60 dollars out of her bank. When I asked how much we have left (so we have enough for the apartment), she said she didn't know.

 

So we fought a lot this week. I have trust issues already but being lied to really made me upset. She has low self esteem, she drinks when she can and it's bad. She's not a houche, she isn't the smallest woman but she's not huge, she's medium. She definetly has insecurity issues like me, shes jelous like me, she has lied before not to hurt me.

 

Anyways, this week shes really bugged me. She made a promise not to drink. She went out with the team on Wednesday and said everyone was drinking, but she didn't. Next, she knows I'm a jelous type, and she say's how she met these guys. But she doesn't check them out and they don't check her out. She ALWAYS says how much she loves me. How we are soul mates! How she couldn't live without me. That story. And I know she thinks she means it but these lies I'm just really stressed out.

 

She was suppose to call me today like 4 hours ago. 4 hours later she calls and said she went to the beach with just the girls. Ever since the cop situation, she says no guys hit on her, talk to her, nothing.

 

She also borrowed 30 dollars form her parents for her phone.

 

Now she called me right now while I write this...

 

Her: I was worried your going to dump me?

Me: Why?

Her: Sounded like you were going to dump me.

Me: I'm just confused.

Her: I'm confused too.

Me: Why?

Her: You and your parents don't believe me and I'm not lieing.

Me: So what else?

Me: How come you didn't tell me you were going to the beach?

Her: They surprised me. We were talking. I wish I could seen the ocean. So yea, they surprised me. So they brought me to the beach.

Her: I'm telling you everything.

Me: Ok

Her: Theres nothing I have been dishonest with this whole week.

Me: Ok

Her: I have to concentrate on the drive. Bye.

 

Hehe sorry about that. Wrote it all for you guys just now. So please help.

 

Joshua

[Geishawhelk]

....."There's nothing I have been dishonest with this whole week....."

 

How comforting.

 

Lying is a sign of poor self-esteem.

People lie to make themselves look better.

They want people to think well of them, so they build a more positive picture.

 

But liars always get found out, because there are too many other parameters to consider.

They need to also have good memories.

 

Liars of this kind almost can't help themselves.

They know they've lied, they wish they wouldn't but - you know - it's almost a sickness.

It's a sign (also) of personal insecurity.

 

If you love her, and you think you can make a go of it, you need to confront her, but in a gentle way.

Tell her you know she's an habitual liar, but that it seems she can't help herself.

Does she need outside help?

 

I used to be a chronic liar.

But I recognised my problem, had counselling, and did something about it.

Like all ex-something-or-others, now, I can't abide lies.

They leave me cold, because I know the damage they can cause, how terrible the life of a liar is, and how debilitating it is to keep living a lie.

I hate lies.

Hate them, hate them, hate them.

 

That's all I can offer really.

[Xoshua]

Thank you for a quick response. I was wondering how I go about confronting her. I do love her, but I'm torn between her saying and the family saying. Two different stories. She's the type who will say, "poor me." She'll cry and say, "I'm so hurt you don't believe me. I'm telling the truth I swear to God! Put me to a lie test."

 

Than after she'll say, "I don't do anything right, I'll just go home than."

 

I need advice what to say, how to say it, anything. Any more responses would be nice. I'm just confused. She's at the airport right now in Florida going back home, do I call her now or wait until she's face to face? How can I tell if she's lieing?

 

Joshua

[Wicked Smile]

....."There's nothing I have been dishonest with this whole week....."

 

How comforting.

 

Lying is a sign of poor self-esteem.

People lie to make themselves look better.

They want people to think well of them, so they build a more positive picture.

 

But liars always get found out, because there are too many other parameters to consider.

They need to also have good memories.

 

Liars of this kind almost can't help themselves.

They know they've lied, they wish they wouldn't but - you know - it's almost a sickness.

It's a sign (also) of personal insecurity.

 

If you love her, and you think you can make a go of it, you need to confront her, but in a gentle way.

Tell her you know she's an habitual liar, but that it seems she can't help herself.

Does she need outside help?

 

I used to be a chronic liar.

But I recognised my problem, had counselling, and did something about it.

Like all ex-something-or-others, now, I can't abide lies.

They leave me cold, because I know the damage they can cause, how terrible the life of a liar is, and how debilitating it is to keep living a lie.

I hate lies.

Hate them, hate them, hate them.

 

That's all I can offer really.

 

Geish, I would not have pegged you a former chronic liar ROFL...weird. As for me I would have serious issues with anyone I am dating that tends to lie with such ease.

 

I am a horrible liar. Huge poker face. Not because I couldn't do it but because I have a soul and an inner guilt that would tear me apart. Someone who lies as much as this girl you wrote us about would be a hard person to open up and trust period! Words of advice, cut her loose. Carve her out of your life before she infects it like a virus.

 

Now you're going to do whatever your heart tells you, which is fine. Just make sure you have a good support ring to catch you when you fall. Family & friends. Good luck to you. I have a sad feeling you are going to need it.

[Geishawhelk]

Thank you Wicked, but unfortunately I was.

Dreadfully so.

Thinking back, it sounds like a sob-story, but the facts are, I was moved from school to school, which plunged me into dreadful peer-insecurity.

I was never particularly confident, so having to keep trying to make new friends was a real trial. Always very difficult when trying to break into established cliques and groups of friends. And young kids can be so cruel, especially girls.

So I tried in many ways to make myself look and seem a lot better than I was.

Big mistake.

HUUUGE!

 

It took me years to come to terms with it, and itI took a lot of personal work too.

Now, it's a complete turn around, and I cannot abide lies, I hate them so much that (depending on how serious they are of course) they can make me feel sick to my stomach... aversion therapy if ever there was one!

But I'm ok about it. It's not something I carry around like baggage. It happened, it's over. It sucked, but it was a way to personal development.

 

It might have been a bit off-topic, but hopefully, it might have helped Xoshua understand it better.

It would be interesting to know why his GF is such a liar.

That she lies, is one thing.

It's the "why" that matters.

 

Maybe that's the place to start.

To gently ease her motives out of her, and trace it back......

[Xoshua]

Thank you again for the advice. I talked to her again recently. She seemed fine about me confronting her. She says when she gets home she can sit with me and my family and tell her side of the story. Funny though. I asked for her mothers phone number to maybe get some input on this. She told me the number. I hang up and dial the moms number, it's busy... Funny coincidence eh.. So I talked to Tessa again, and she tells me she had to tell her mom her flight was delayed. So I call the mom and she tells me everything is fine and she didn't know her daughter had that pill problem. So we talked and her mom tells me Tessa really loves me and she wouldn't do something to hurt me. Before we hang up, the mom tells me trust in a relationship is very important and I hopefully trust Tessa.

 

So now I'm in a state of

 

So now I just sit and wait for her to come home so we can all talk together and see all the sides of the story?

[Geishawhelk]

Yes.

But don't lose sight of why you're questioning it in the first place.

However, it sounds as if she might be coming to terms with the fact she has 'this problem'....? Who knows? maybe, sometimes, having to face your demons at last, is cathartic, and it may be a load off her shoulders.

 

wait and see.....

 

Try to be patient.

[reddog63]

Hello all, I'm new to these forums! Tried to read through as many as possible but there are so many! Anyways, here's my situation...

 

I'm 19 years old, my fiance is 24 years old. I am from Canada, she is from MN. We are actually moving into our own place in less than 7 days but theres something getting to me. We've been together for a year now, but some things are just getting to me.

 

I will go chroniclogical order so everyone is up to date, and knows more about this.

 

We meet online through a game (I know bad eh). We talk more and more, and we start dating online on December 10th. Later on we have our arguments here and there. She lied about a previous sex partner from the game as well she met, and said he just came down like a stalker and nothing happenned. Than the next day she told me they did have sex, anyways.

 

Next was a cop from her town (some town Pipestone), asked her out, she told me, I was a bit upset. She talked to some guy on the game, she lied, than admitted she did because he was friends with me and she could see why I was upset from him.

 

So we get through those times, next she comes to live with me. We still have our arguments. Little things. But there are some other lies. She has an addictive personality, she lied about taking pills, which we caught her in a lie.

 

We are living with my parents at the moment, they took her in, out of kindness. She kind of took advantage, she was working and was suppose to pay my parents 1/3 of her paycheque. She didn't.

 

She's lied about taking food and money. She recently went to Flordia for her work. She has 1 week training there. So she took 60 dollars out of her bank. When I asked how much we have left (so we have enough for the apartment), she said she didn't know.

 

So we fought a lot this week. I have trust issues already but being lied to really made me upset. She has low self esteem, she drinks when she can and it's bad. She's not a houche, she isn't the smallest woman but she's not huge, she's medium. She definetly has insecurity issues like me, shes jelous like me, she has lied before not to hurt me.

 

Anyways, this week shes really bugged me. She made a promise not to drink. She went out with the team on Wednesday and said everyone was drinking, but she didn't. Next, she knows I'm a jelous type, and she say's how she met these guys. But she doesn't check them out and they don't check her out. She ALWAYS says how much she loves me. How we are soul mates! How she couldn't live without me. That story. And I know she thinks she means it but these lies I'm just really stressed out.

 

She was suppose to call me today like 4 hours ago. 4 hours later she calls and said she went to the beach with just the girls. Ever since the cop situation, she says no guys hit on her, talk to her, nothing.

 

She also borrowed 30 dollars form her parents for her phone.

 

Now she called me right now while I write this...

 

Her: I was worried your going to dump me?

Me: Why?

Her: Sounded like you were going to dump me.

Me: I'm just confused.

Her: I'm confused too.

Me: Why?

Her: You and your parents don't believe me and I'm not lieing.

Me: So what else?

Me: How come you didn't tell me you were going to the beach?

Her: They surprised me. We were talking. I wish I could seen the ocean. So yea, they surprised me. So they brought me to the beach.

Her: I'm telling you everything.

Me: Ok

Her: Theres nothing I have been dishonest with this whole week.

Me: Ok

Her: I have to concentrate on the drive. Bye.

 

Hehe sorry about that. Wrote it all for you guys just now. So please help.

 

Joshua

 

Do you want to rescue her? Sounds like it. You want a real girlfriend or a "project"?? You have clear signs from her to run and not look back and you are asking if you should confront her. YOU have to use your BRAINS.......

[Mr. Lucky]

you have to use your head

Reddog, I respectfully disagree. I think he should use his gut and listen loud and clear to what that instinct is telling him...

 

Mr. Lucky

[reddog63]

Reddog, I respectfully disagree. I think he should use his gut and listen loud and clear to what that instinct is telling him...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

This one is so obvious, the gut feel is not necessary.