sb129 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 IME there are many types of men out there.....! I didn't even know what my ideals really were until I got older, and as I got older they changed anyway. My fiance is stable, loving, messy and sometimes drives me nuts. Hes not a conventional hottie, and he will never be loaded, but oh when he puts on his wetsuit and paddles that surfboard out to sea, he is H-O-T. I love hanging out with him, he is my best buddy.
Author Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 I do agree that nearly all men who are extremely good looking will find it hard to be faithful to one woman and tend to have an overblown image of themselves. However, there are lots of good guys out there who are basically good looking. To dismiss everyone you find attractive, to me reeks of insecurity.
sb129 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I don't feel like I am "settling" at all. Much rather have Wonderboy than a good-looking faithful rich guy (one of my good friends has him, and he is boring as hell)
Dexter Morgan Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 There's a third kind..... "Mamma's boy"...... No, that pretty much still falls under the 2nd type she mentioned.
sb129 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I do agree that nearly all men who are extremely good looking will find it hard to be faithful to one woman and tend to have an overblown image of themselves. However, there are lots of good guys out there who are basically good looking. To dismiss everyone you find attractive, to me reeks of insecurity. Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder though. Some people can become more or less physically attractive as their personalities come to the fore.
Author Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 I don't feel like I am "settling" at all. Much rather have Wonderboy than a good-looking faithful rich guy (one of my good friends has him, and he is boring as hell) I'm happy for you! I only have an issue with women who aren't totally excited about their marriages and feel they're missing out on what they really want...
Dexter Morgan Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I'd rather have a geeky guy than someone who looks like Brad Pitt (I actually find BP kind of ugly, along with most mainstream "hot" types). But why? Other than the fact you think BP is ugly(which I don't buy for a second), is it because you know that guys like this are total dogs?
Dexter Morgan Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I do agree that nearly all men who are extremely good looking will find it hard to be faithful to one woman and tend to have an overblown image of themselves. However, there are lots of good guys out there who are basically good looking. To dismiss everyone you find attractive, to me reeks of insecurity. Well, you definitely have to have an attraction to someone. And what attracts people differs from person to person. Just like, in my experience, the really attractive women are full of themselves and conceited. And THAT is a huge turnoff for me.
sb129 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I'm happy for you! I only have an issue with women who aren't totally excited about their marriages and feel they're missing out on what they really want... I think a certain degree of flexibility is necessary for happiness in a R. I don't think many people in marriages out there could say that their spouse is 100% their "ideal". "The grass is always greener" syndrome may be an indicator that you aren't so happy with yourself, and no partner will ever be able to fix that.
Author Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 But why? Other than the fact you think BP is ugly(which I don't buy for a second), is it because you know that guys like this are total dogs? I genuinely don't find BP attractive physically, and I don't think he's a dog, I don't even know him. He is too rugged for my liking. I actually think geeky guys who are also kinda cute are just very sexy. More along the lines of Adrien Brody or Ed Norton or Paul Bettany.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I genuinely don't find BP attractive physically Really? Wow, I figured all women like Brad. and I don't think he's a dog well he is. he hasn't been faithful to hardly any of the women he dated. He, as far as I know, is faithful to Angelina. But give him time. he'll get tired of her too and need a new face to screw. I actually think geeky guys who are also kinda cute are just very sexy. You don't have to believe me. Do you like Steve Carrell? I can see women liking him. That waxing scene in 40 Year Old Virgin still brings tears to my eyes every time I see it.
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I actually think geeky guys who are also kinda cute are just very sexy. More along the lines of Adrien Brody or Ed Norton or Paul Bettany. Okay, you've lost me totally! How about Robert Downey Jr., in Ironman? Too rugged?
zhsoj Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I actually think geeky guys who are also kinda cute are just very sexy. More along the lines of Adrien Brody or Ed Norton or Paul Bettany. I love the modern definition of geeky. Now somebody picks up an iPhone and they are a "geek"... Yeah... Pet peeve...
Author Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 Okay, you've lost me totally! How about Robert Downey Jr., in Ironman? Too rugged? Yuck no... I like Hugh Laurie, he's about as rugged as I'll get. But he's too old for me
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Yuck no... I like Hugh Laurie, he's about as rugged as I'll get. But he's too old for me No, no, no, we definitely part ways. You're on your own girlfriend!
D-Jam Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Oh of course people have to compromise on their ideals. It's just people say go for someone unattractive and boring because he'll treat you like a queen, I say there's men out there that may not be 10/10 in looks and income but still attractive and sexy. I'm just railing against this stereotype that you have to settle for someone you don't find attractive and exciting, inside and out. That's not fair, and it doesn't give the man the sex life he deserves. Settling down is supposed to be about being comfortable, not about being dead. I think we're talking extremes here then. I don't think anyone here is telling anyone to be with someone they don't find attractive. Yes, we see men and women complain a lot on these boards. The complaints usually stem from the usual problems. Either the opposite sex never sees them as attractive or the opposite sex keeps lying, flaking, and playing games. In the end, I think both genders have gotten into this "copout" mode where they want to blame everything and everyone around them for why they have trouble finding and keeping Mr or Ms Right. However, both genders make the big mistakes of putting way too much effort into all this AND believing they are perfect the way they are. Fat people say the world is shallow, rather than realize people just aren't into obesity.Bald men or short men say women are shallow, when they let a handful of rejections dictate to them what they think all women want...plus fail to see that tall men with hair also get rejected.Nice and decent men think all women want bad boys, when they again let a few bad examples dictate to them what they think women want.Nice and decent women think all men want sluts, when they let a few bad examples dictate to them what they think men really want.Men and women walk around with no sense of style or pride in their appearance, and yet cry the world is shallow because others choose the better dressed male, or the woman who dresses and carries herself very feminine. These are just some examples...but I think with all the complaining, many don't really take that extra step to improve themselves in life, or to venture outside of their normal realms to meet better people. Heck, why is it I see so many beautiful women complain that every guy they meet is just a horny dog, but yet they never do anything other than go to bars and clubs? Why is it I see so many men complain that women are stuck-up and shallow, but they either fail to really see they might need to improve their "game" or also venture outside of their normal realms. I especially bring up guys who try to find a piece of eye candy in the club scene...and yet believe one of them might be the "good girl". We can keep going on this forever. Guys will think women are shallow. Women will think guys are shallow. Everyone will think they're being told to settle in life. The real answer is that many need to look in the mirror realistically at their physical, emotional, and intellectual self...and ask "would I date me if I was a member of the opposite sex?" If the answer is "no", then maybe it's time to list things you hate about yourself and fix them. If the answer is an honest "yes", then start thinking deeper about "where will I really be able to find my ideal mate?" From reading all these topics, to seeing friends, coworkers, and colleagues in real life, I think the biggest problems are that too many people are unwilling to change, fix, or improve things about themselves, and yet believe they deserve a perfect mate who will accept them for all their faults and shortcomings. They treat love like it's some quest for a picture perfect person next to them, but think more in the short-term...hence why so many RLs and marriages fail. They also treat it all too seriously. They won't truly love themselves, but hope someone will love them.
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 The real answer is that many need to look in the mirror realistically at their physical, emotional, and intellectual self...and ask "would I date me if I was a member of the opposite sex?" If the answer is "no", then maybe it's time to list things you hate about yourself and fix them. If the answer is an honest "yes", then start thinking deeper about "where will I really be able to find my ideal mate?" I'm totally with you on these two points.
Author Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 I'm totally with you on these two points. Where would I find my ideal mate?! How the heck do I know... probably not at a bar or club, but then again everyone goes to bars and clubs.
Yamaha Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 This concept of boring is interesting. I think what you're saying is that if you have no chemistry than the guy might be boring. I fail to see someone being boring if you enjoy their company. And why is boring related to unattractive guys and exciting to handsome men?
sb129 Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 This concept of boring is interesting. I think what you're saying is that if you have no chemistry than the guy might be boring. I fail to see someone being boring if you enjoy their company. And why is boring related to unattractive guys and exciting to handsome men? I know a few handsome men who are "boring" to me. Uninspiring, no sense of humour or adventure- but these men have partners, and their partners probably don't find them boring. Maybe its because they rely on their looks rather than developing a more "interesting" personality? "interesting" and "boring" are as subjective as "handsome" and "ugly". Someone who was really interested in, for example, motorcycles might be boring to one person, but fascinating to another.
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 When a good-looking guy is boring, he becomes unattractive.
movingonandon Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 I'm happy for you! I only have an issue with women who aren't totally excited about their marriages and feel they're missing out on what they really want... If it was easy to identify these women, I'd make a special effort to bitchslap each and every one of them. Multiple times .
movingonandon Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 This concept of boring is interesting. I think what you're saying is that if you have no chemistry than the guy might be boring. I fail to see someone being boring if you enjoy their company. And why is boring related to unattractive guys and exciting to handsome men? I don't understand boring guys. I really don't. When I was at Elkton Hills, I roomed for about two months with this boy, Harris Mackim. He was very intelligent and all, but he was one of the biggest bores I ever met. He had one of these very raspy voices, and he never stopped talking, practically. He never stopped talking, and what was awful was, he never said anything you wanted to hear in the first place. But he could do one thing. The sonuvabitch could whistle better than anybody I ever heard. He'd be making his bed, or hanging up stuff in the closet--he was always hanging up stuff in the closet--it drove me crazy--and he'd be whistling while he did it, if he wasn't talking in this raspy voice. He could even whistle classical stuff, but most of the time he just whistled jazz. He could take something very jazzy, like "Tin Roof Blues," and whistle it so nice and easy--right while he was hanging stuff up in the closet--that it could kill you. Naturally, I never told him I thought he was a terrific whistler. I mean you don't just go up to somebody and say, "You're a terrific whistler." But I roomed with him for about two whole months, even though he bored me till I was half crazy, just because he was such a terrific whistler, the best I ever heard. So I don't know about bores. Maybe you shouldn't feel too sorry if you see some swell girl getting married to them. They don't hurt anybody, most of them, and maybe they're secretly all terrific whistlers or something. Who the hell knows? Not me. (Salinger)
MusicChick24 Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 GOOD POINT. In addition, why do people think there are only two types of women the sexual, slutty girl who is really attractive, adventurous etc or the girl who is a "goodie goodie" refuses sex and has nun like behavior. As mentioned above your example and mine are too often used sex stereotypes. It is very annoying, I agree. <3
onemorecupofcoffee Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I think these stereotypes manifest themselves because they cause the most, and therefore the loudest, complaints. They're both ironic: attractive man, unattractive qualities; incredible qualities, mediocre looking man. They both have elements of disappointment that anybody would just be ARGH over. They both pose dilemmas - should I stay for the good and deal with the bad or hold out for better? You won't hear much about the ugly men who have unattractive qualities - there's nothing novel about that. And the ones who 'catch' the attractive men with great qualities will marvel at how rarely this happens ONLY a) because often these women only meet ONE of these kinds of men because once they do, they don't let go of him! and b) because of the prevailing stereotypes - the loud complaints - they will think what they have is even more rare because so many women complain of men who are attractive but have hideous personalities. There are a lot of men of varying qualities of both looks and personality; it's just when you've got a man with one and not the other, it's esPECIALLY frustrating. And those are the ones that stick out the most.
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