teamzissou00 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I met this girl through a friend I go to college with. The girl lives in my friends hometown, so we have never met in person. We have been talking for almost three months now though. Text messaging daily, long phone conversations, facebooking etc. We had gotten to be somewhat close, and it was occasionally flirty, just as a fun thing. She invited me to come see her over her Thanksgiving break, but I was unfortunately unable to with family in town. We had been talking about doing the same when she came home for winter break (she goes away to school) as well. Anyways recently, I found out she was crushing on another guy as well, from her hometown, talking to him often and flirting and all that. I got pretty jealous when I found this out. I know she isn't into long distance relationships, but it just hurt to have this girl flirt with me for so long, making me think she liked me and might want to get together over break, to find out she was doing the same with this other guy. I called her on the phone pretty upset, telling her I really cared about her and all that, and basically made the whole situation weird. I came off as over-clingy and over-interested, and for the past few days she has talked to me very little. I feel as though she thinks theres a side to me like that now, which I guess there is with her, because I like talking to her so much. I know it is none of my business who else she sees or flirts with, we aren't in a relationship, and it is my problem. But I really really want to still be friends with her, and talk like we used to, even if we never are romantically involved. I just feel like now she's avoiding talking to me because she thinks if she gives me attention i'll be clingy. Is there any way I can fix this and save the friendship?
GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 A) Why did you wait so long if you are romantically interested in her? At worst she was gonna say she wasn't interested and you would have known and could have moved on being friends. B) Ok so you screwed up. But you are still do want a relationship. That is the key here. It is hard (read: almost impossible) to stay friends with someone that you want more than that with. Make sure of what you really want before you make the next move. C) I can only really offer up my suggestions based on what you really want. If you really can deal with being just friend tell her you overreacted to some feelings and that you didn't understand them and that it was confusing you. If you do want a relationship your best bet is to tell her that you want her as more than a friend. And then to back off. Let her decide if you are someone she wants to be with. Relationships are a two way street. If all the traffic is only heading in one direction it is amazingly lonely on the other side. I think the major thing you have to do is make up your mind on what you really want. I would not advise trying to sit there and be a best friend to someone that you want more than friendship with. You can be a friend, but don't take it overboard. If you get put into the "friend zone" girls tend to tell you many things that you do not want to hear about.
Author teamzissou00 Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 Thanks for the excellent advice. I do want a relationship, but realize it is nearly impossible because of the distance. Knowing that, I don't want to lose her friendship too.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Anyways recently, I found out she was crushing on another guy as well, from her hometown, talking to him often and flirting and all that. I got pretty jealous when I found this out. I know she isn't into long distance relationships, but it just hurt to have this girl flirt with me for so long, making me think she liked me and might want to get together over break, to find out she was doing the same with this other guy. Its called being fickle, and trust me, it isn't a quality you want in a girl. move on and find someone better. I called her on the phone pretty upset, telling her I really cared about her and all that, and basically made the whole situation weird. I came off as over-clingy and over-interested, and for the past few days she has talked to me very little. Its good that she doesn't talk to you now, because she is an undesirable. What she has done is cast you in a bad light when she is the one with the undesirable quality. consider this a blessing and move on. I know it is none of my business who else she sees or flirts with, we aren't in a relationship, and it is my problem. You are right. Its none of your business who she flirts with. But be glad that this is something you found out about her. Yes, she can flirt with whoever she wants. But she could set herself up for a dissappointment in the future if she finally finds a guy she really likes, but keeps up her fickle ways and lose someone she might want a relationship with. Is there any way I can fix this and save the friendship? There is no way you can be just friends with someone you had designs on and with someone that flirted with you, and you back with her, in an "i'm interested in you" way.
Author teamzissou00 Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 There is no way you can be just friends with someone you had designs on and with someone that flirted with you, and you back with her, in an "i'm interested in you" way. Thanks for the reply. You're right it is somewhat fickle, but I guess that is what a lot of college girls do. As far as trying to be friends with someone you flirted with at some point. It really can't be done? Jerry and Elaine got it done in Seinfeld. Of course that was a tv show.
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