Should a man be able to support a wife and kid temporarily?

[blind_otter]

Well you must have had one hell of a stye then. Once you have a clean house, it doesn't take much to keep it that way. Once my xW left for that 2 weeks, the first day was alot of work because she never did anything around the house except whip up a couple quick meals. I had to clean things when I got home from work.

 

But once I got the house in order after the first day, it was smooth sailing from then on out.

 

And the reward was my kids and I had great fun, and the house, for once, was clean and orderly.

 

I don't have a "stye", but I am perhaps more discriminating in my cleaning habits than some.

 

I scrub the floors on my hands and knees because I don't think you can REALLY get it clean if you just use a mop. I don't have any carpet in my house because I think it's unhygienic. The only rooms that regularly fall into disarray are my S/O's older son's room (because he is 11 years old and I think he should be responsible for his own room's upkeep, though I wade in there to change the linens regularly) and my S/O's room where he keeps all his things and musical instruments.

 

I scrub the baseboards and sweep the ceilings regularly. I have jobs I do on a monthly basis, like cleaning out all the cupboards and pantry, the linen closet, and the fridge.

 

I also cook almost every meal myself and I make most things from scratch, and I bake a few times a week as well - just cookies and bread, because I think they are healthier when you make them yourself. I pack my S/O's lunch every day, or I bring him a hot lunch I prepared in the morning if he is working close to home. I do all the dishes, as well.

 

I am also now making all the baby's food because I don't like the jarred stuff. But it's more difficult to get things done when you have to stop every 1.5 to 2 hours to breastfeed for anywhere from 10-45 minutes! I am not able to do much of anything besides read a book while I breastfeed.

 

I also have a lot of laundry as I use cloth diapers most of the time (I use disposables at night and when we go out during the day every so often).

 

When I was working, though, my house was a LOT more messy and now I don't know how I tolerated it, but during tax season I worked 12+ hours a day with no weekend break, so I didn't really have any TIME to clean.

[Bells]

I don't have a "stye", but I am perhaps more discriminating in my cleaning habits than some.

 

I scrub the floors on my hands and knees because I don't think you can REALLY get it clean if you just use a mop. I don't have any carpet in my house because I think it's unhygienic. The only rooms that regularly fall into disarray are my S/O's older son's room (because he is 11 years old and I think he should be responsible for his own room's upkeep, though I wade in there to change the linens regularly) and my S/O's room where he keeps all his things and musical instruments.

 

I scrub the baseboards and sweep the ceilings regularly. I have jobs I do on a monthly basis, like cleaning out all the cupboards and pantry, the linen closet, and the fridge.

 

I also cook almost every meal myself and I make most things from scratch, and I bake a few times a week as well - just cookies and bread, because I think they are healthier when you make them yourself. I pack my S/O's lunch every day, or I bring him a hot lunch I prepared in the morning if he is working close to home. I do all the dishes, as well.

 

I am also now making all the baby's food because I don't like the jarred stuff. But it's more difficult to get things done when you have to stop every 1.5 to 2 hours to breastfeed for anywhere from 10-45 minutes! I am not able to do much of anything besides read a book while I breastfeed.

 

I also have a lot of laundry as I use cloth diapers most of the time (I use disposables at night and when we go out during the day every so often).

 

When I was working, though, my house was a LOT more messy and now I don't know how I tolerated it, but during tax season I worked 12+ hours a day with no weekend break, so I didn't really have any TIME to clean.

 

 

Wow...even the baseboards, didn't know those got dirty. lol I just vacuum the main areas and that's it.

 

Old Schools Hands and Knees, very impressive.

[corazoncito]

Well you must have had one hell of a stye then. Once you have a clean house, it doesn't take much to keep it that way. Once my xW left for that 2 weeks, the first day was alot of work because she never did anything around the house except whip up a couple quick meals. I had to clean things when I got home from work.

 

But once I got the house in order after the first day, it was smooth sailing from then on out.

 

And the reward was my kids and I had great fun, and the house, for once, was clean and orderly.

 

Sure, when my hubby is gone for two weeks, I find it easy to keep my house clean and orderly for those two weeks. It's a different story keeping up with that and work when he's home every day and making clutter and messes.

 

And BO taking care of the house and an infant is a different deal from watching older kids for a couple of weeks. Kids over 3 are sleeping through the night, potty trained, on a schedule, able to tell you with words what they want, can put food in their mouths on their own, go to pre-school or beyond, don't regularly puke/poop/pee on you/themselves. With an infant, you're doing all the housework, some also work a job, plus you're the milk/formula machine, comfort giver, diaper changer, clothes changer and washer, having to guess what each kind of cry means from this helpless creature who has no clue that you have any other responsibilities apart from him/her, etc.

 

It's apples and oranges.

[Dexter Morgan]

Sure, when my hubby is gone for two weeks, I find it easy to keep my house clean and orderly for those two weeks. It's a different story keeping up with that and work when he's home every day and making clutter and messes.

 

I wasn't the one making the mess. I was the one cleaning up when I got home. I wasn't home during the day to make the mess. she just didn't do anything. I picked up after myself. so there was only her and the kids to look after.

 

So when there was only myself and the kids to look after, it was a piece of cake after I took care of what she neglected on a daily basis. Once the house was clean, it stayed that way. I loved it!

 

 

And BO taking care of the house and an infant is a different deal from watching older kids for a couple of weeks.

 

I mentioned that as well. But even when I stayed home and took care of everything when my youngest was an infant, it was still a helluva lot easier than going to work.

 

 

 

With an infant, you're doing all the housework, some also work a job, plus you're the milk/formula machine, comfort giver, diaper changer, clothes changer and washer, having to guess what each kind of cry means from this helpless creature who has no clue that you have any other responsibilities apart from him/her, etc.

 

Yup, I know. i did all of that. And I'd still prefer to stay home and take care of them and the house if I didn't have to work a job.

 

And they aren't infants forever. Work is a lifetime unless you are independently wealthy.

 

 

It's apples and oranges.

 

I know, I already stated that earlier in case you missed it. But it was still cake compared to my career.

[corazoncito]

I wasn't the one making the mess. I was the one cleaning up when I got home. I wasn't home during the day to make the mess. she just didn't do anything. I picked up after myself. so there was only her and the kids to look after.

 

So when there was only myself and the kids to look after, it was a piece of cake after I took care of what she neglected on a daily basis. Once the house was clean, it stayed that way. I loved it!

 

My point wasn't that you were making the mess. I was saying that keeping a house clean is a lot simpler when the messy partner (man or woman) is away for a while. When they're living there day in and day out and undoing your efforts, it's a pain.

 

It's not very useful to go back and forth on whether it's harder to be a stay at home parent or a working parent. Some parents just really enjoy being at home and interacting with their kids all day long. Other parents need time away from those responsibilities, interacting with people outside their family. People who enjoy what they do for a living are more likely to fall into the latter category. And when you're in the middle of a touch stretch with the little ones, it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

What's important is that the parents are providing for the kids and are happy with their choices.

 

And now I'll stop straying from the thread's topic!

[Dexter Morgan]

My point wasn't that you were making the mess. I was saying that keeping a house clean is a lot simpler when the messy partner (man or woman) is away for a while.

 

 

I considered her messy by virtue that she didn't do anything. It was the kids to mainly pick up after. So her being away didn't make any difference.

 

 

 

When they're living there day in and day out and undoing your efforts, it's a pain.

 

My kids were there every day to undo my efforts. But to me it was still easy. Didn't take much to pick up after them at the end of the evening when the house was clean at the beginning of the day. Took a whole 20 minutes. Cooking dinner took a whole hour. And throughout the day, with the exception of making lunch, there really wasn't much to do except play with them, and when they played by themselves, that was my opportunity to do some home repairs. Still much easier and less stress than my job.

 

 

It's not very useful to go back and forth on whether it's harder to be a stay at home parent or a working parent.

 

I agree. But for me, it wasn't hard at all taking care of the house and my kids.

[blind_otter]

I agree. But for me, it wasn't hard at all taking care of the house and my kids.

 

That is fine, I am glad that it is so easy for you to do this compared to your job. You probably shouldn't generalize your experience to the rest of the world and insist that staying at home and taking care of things is always easier than working outside the home.

 

It definitely isn't my experience, though I am open to the idea that perhaps my job when I was working outside the home was not as difficult as yours must be.

 

For me, it is much more difficult to be at home, but I do so because I sincerely believe it is better for my son to be with me than to compete for attention in a daycare setting.

[norajane]

That is fine, I am glad that it is so easy for you to do this compared to your job. You probably shouldn't generalize your experience to the rest of the world and insist that staying at home and taking care of things is always easier than working outside the home.

 

It definitely isn't my experience, though I am open to the idea that perhaps my job when I was working outside the home was not as difficult as yours must be.

 

For me, it is much more difficult to be at home, but I do so because I sincerely believe it is better for my son to be with me than to compete for attention in a daycare setting.

 

I don't think he's talking about newborns, since he references the kids playing by themselves while he does home repairs. I imagine it is a bit easier when kids are older and don't need 24/7 care.

[blind_otter]

I don't think he's talking about newborns, since he references the kids playing by themselves while he does home repairs. I imagine it is a bit easier when kids are older and don't need 24/7 care.

 

In post #79, he said:

 

But even when I stayed home and took care of everything when my youngest was an infant, it was still a helluva lot easier than going to work.

 

Maybe my son was just more "high needs" than other infants. Also, since I do attachment parenting, there is a lot more time investment on my part.

[Angel1111]

Personally, I think if people want to have children, one of the parents needs to be at home with them. People have gotten too far away from this but it is the best option. Parents are too stressed out with working, dropping off kids, picking them up, getting dinner ready, getting the kids bathed, ready for bed, etc. It's ridiculous. If you're going to have a family, then devote your time to that. All this scattered thinking is taking its toll on people. Plus, there are way too many nuts out there to be so flippant about who we leave our kids with.

 

I think a guy should be able to support his wife for always. That's not gold-digging, it's just sensible. It makes a woman comfortable, secure, feeling loved. If she's overworked, she can't be all she could be to you. If the woman wants to work, then great. But I really resented my (ex) husband for wanting 3 or 4 kids but expecting me to work full-time and offering minimal help with the kids. I figured he had lost his marbles or something. I even offered for him to quit his job, finish college (which would've taken about 1 1/2 to 2 yrs) and I would support him while he did that. He refused because he was too afraid to leave his job. But, yes, he wanted that big family. He just didn't want the price tag that came with it. I have a huge issue with men who don't want to support their wives, especially when children are involved. Where did these men go?

 

If your income doesn't allow it, most people can change their lifestyles and do just fine. You don't need a 2-story, 3,000 sq ft house to live nicely. I think a lot of people forget this and lose sight of what's really important. Your kids' well-being and your family's well-being should always be in the forefront.

[Dexter Morgan]

That is fine, I am glad that it is so easy for you to do this compared to your job. You probably shouldn't generalize your experience to the rest of the world and insist that staying at home and taking care of things is always easier than working outside the home.

 

What part of "But for me" did you not understand?

[Dexter Morgan]

I don't think he's talking about newborns, since he references the kids playing by themselves while he does home repairs. I imagine it is a bit easier when kids are older and don't need 24/7 care.

 

I did it when my youngest was 6 months old. Still I loved it and no stress. Changing diapers, spit up, the whole 9 yards. And they don't stay newborns long:)