Stilllearnin Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Well me and my wife have been married for almost 5 years. She is a great woman and a wonderful wife. We don't really have any friends so spend a lot of time together. This past fall I went back to college and have been spending a lot of time away from her. I have also made some friends. The problem is I don't really miss her like she does me. And then there is also a girl at school that I am really attracted to. All of this has made me wonder whether or not I really ever loved her. I started looking at not only this relationship but also all of my past relationships and the common factor in all of them except one is that the girl has always like me first. When I find out that she does I instantly become obsessed and "in love". I mean I don't think there has been a relationship where I have talked about marriage or being together in 50 years. I've come to the realization that I jump way to quickly and probably did with my wife also. I worry about what will happen to her if I tell her I want a divorce. I know I can't really be "in love" with her if all I think about is this other woman from school. I know my wife loves me and I am worried that she won't find anyone else. I guess that is kinda ridiculous to believe I am the only one she will love. I do not do a lot of things out of fear of what my wife will say and that is not how a marriage should be. I also do a lot of things I do not want to because of that same fear. When I am with her I don't feel anything anymore even when we have sex. Everyone I have talked to tells me I need to be honest with her and tell her. I just do not know how and do not want to do it 2 weeks before christmas.
Gowithflow Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Just imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed and you suddenly found out you're wife no longer loved you and found someone else. You found out too late. Would you try to make it work, or would you just be glad and move on? Be careful what you do because it could bite you in the ass. You could be the one who winds up with the broken heart. Sex is important. If it gets boring then find ways to make it better. Communicate in bed. Goos luck!
carhill Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Well me and my wife have been married for almost 5 years. She is a great woman and a wonderful wife.You're fortunate. The problem is I don't really miss her like she does me.Did you ever? And then there is also a girl at school that I am really attracted to. All of this has made me wonder whether or not I really ever loved her.Distractions. Did you feel that with your wife in the beginning? Or is it the "forbidden fruit" aspect of the present attraction that has you hooked? I've come to the realization that I jump way to quickly and probably did with my wife also. I worry about what will happen to her if I tell her I want a divorceTry going to MC and clarifying both of these issues. It can help I know my wife loves me and I am worried that she won't find anyone else.She's a wonderful wife. Why would she not find someone else? Good women are hard to find, in this middle-aged male's experience. When I am with her I don't feel anything anymore even when we have sex.Normal; you've disconnected from her emotionally. MC can help with that too... Everyone I have talked to tells me I need to be honest with her and tell her. I just do not know how and do not want to do it 2 weeks before christmas.A month won't kill you. Ratchet up that smiling face for the holidays and then drag both your asses to MC after January 1. Make it your New Year's resolution
dannydrifter Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Great advice from Carhill. Listen to him.
ReeWoo Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 why the sad face on the thread? It seems that you've found someone in college that will smile at you. This is what you do, tell the new GF that you are married to a "great woman and a wonderful wife" and that you are going to dump your wonderful wife for this new GF. game over . . . "I worry about what will happen to her if I tell her I want a divorce." -- you'll cause the great woman and wonderful wife a lot of heart break, grief and tears. But you'll be happy for a short time. "I know I can't really be "in love" with her if all I think about is this other woman from school." -- ah! yeah! what was I thinking? I should have married that sports car that I have been thinking about for the past 6 months instead of some great woman that makes a wonderful wife. Wake up dude . . . anyways, go for a new GF. Talk some sunshine up her A** and sell her a bill of goods - tell the wonderful wife that you "love her, but not in that way" haha; go for it! -- I'm not kidding, if you don't have children by your wife you will be doing her a great favor by letting her have another chance at finding a man, maybe this time she'll find one. -- This could be her Christmas present from your new GF. I don't mean to make lite of your decision, it's a life changing decision for atleast 2 people and possibly 3 if the new GF buys into you. Be prepared to tell the wife, then have her never want you again, then be prepared for the GF to decide for whatever reason that she doesn't want you either. Be prepared to be on your own by yourself - because really, that's what the odds tell us is going to happen with this.
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