meowmmy Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 My husband and I have been together almost 12 years. November 4th, he decided to break it off because of lack of communication/trust (NO infedelity or abuse). I am a spender, he is a saver and no I am NOT thousands in debt..he likes to save every penny and if I like something, Ill buy it. Anyhow, for 6 weeks I tried to reconcile but he didnt. He said he couldnt commit and wasnt there emotionally. One night we had a HUGE talk over the phone about what we want from each other etc..and he decided he wanted to work things out slowly. He works an hour and a half out of town and was still coming here on weekends but we werent sharing a bed. We have 2 kids; 8 and 10. Last weekend we hung out, brought the kids to an X-Mas party and watched a show together that night (he had 2 beers I had wine), it was very relaxed and a nice evening. When he left the next day, we hugged and I told him that I loved him. He softly said that he knew but didnt say it back. We talked again yesterday and he still wants to take things slow. He said that its ok to snuggle on the couch but he isnt ready to share a bed yet. When I asked him if he loved me he said of course but there are different types of love. He wants us to watch a movie again this weekend. Is it normal after a 12 year relationship to take things this slow when reconciling? Its not like weve been togther for 4 months..12 years is a long time. Weve never taken a break before and barely fought. When ever we did, we didnt really deal with the problem and just brushed it off so we are dealing with everything now. These werent huge problems either. I am into animal rescue and have 9 cats here and I am willing to stop with that and he was going out without me with friends while I was at home with the kids and he is willing to stop that too. We both agreed that we need date nights togther, just the 2 of us and that we need to start doing some things without the kids and communicate a lot more. We are very involved with our kids, we do a lot with them and we both very, very good parents. He is leaving for work in another province in February until he gets called back from his soon lay off (will be layed off in January). He has no plans on staying there for good regardless of what happens to us because he doesnt want to be a province away from the kids. Our sex life was fine up until the break. We were never distant from eachotehr or pulled away. I was blind sided when this happened in November. So my questions are..is it normal to take things this slow and wait for things to happen naturally or is he wanting to go too slow? I want us to connect (not just sex wise) so we can get close to each other again and make sure that he isnt too comfortable with us not touching etc.. Can/will he love me again like I want to be loved? How does this whole situation sound? ETA: Just a moth before the break up, we had future plans made of relocating. He was going to get a transfer with his now job 6 hours away. Im not sure if he snapped or not because money has been tight the last year with his company closing and him being in between jobs and then hearing of his lay off once he started the job that hes at now. He would also tell me that he loved me almost daily.
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