CandyGirlXO Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I am going to try to make this as short as possible. I went on a date, and we had good conversation, no flirting whatsoever - I wasn't feeling it. I went back to his place to see his dog, and we kind of cuddled a little on the couch while watching a movie - no big deal. Then on the way to my car, he started holding my hand! Then he went in for a kiss and I turned my face. LOL Then I felt bad so I grabbed his face and pecked him quickly on the lips once. It was so ackward. Now he keeps calling, but how do I break it to him that I am not interested in him? I have never been good at doing this, I hate having to. My friends told me I am sending him mixed signals and that I need to let him know. How should I say it, and can I do it over e-mail. I know I am a wuss, I just hate hurting people. I feel so bad. Please help me, I am dreading this. I told him I would call him today, and I never did.
elaina Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Just tell him very nicely.. "I'm sorry but I don't want to date you because I don't think you're right for me." Have a friend nearby when you tell him and then get out of there! The sooner you do it, the less it should hurt him and the less you have to fret over it.
zhsoj Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Mixed signals indeed... I'd suggest a phone call. If you do tell him in person and have a friend with you, don't let him see that friend... That would just suck even more... Oh well, that's life.
You'reasian Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I am going to try to make this as short as possible. I went on a date, and we had good conversation, no flirting whatsoever - I wasn't feeling it. I went back to his place to see his dog, and we kind of cuddled a little on the couch while watching a movie - no big deal. Then on the way to my car, he started holding my hand! Then he went in for a kiss and I turned my face. LOL Then I felt bad so I grabbed his face and pecked him quickly on the lips once. It was so ackward. Now he keeps calling, but how do I break it to him that I am not interested in him? I have never been good at doing this, I hate having to. My friends told me I am sending him mixed signals and that I need to let him know. How should I say it, and can I do it over e-mail. I know I am a wuss, I just hate hurting people. I feel so bad. Please help me, I am dreading this. I told him I would call him today, and I never did. Just be straight forward about it.
dogtown Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Uh, you kind of lead him on by cuddling on the coach. Any girl who did that with me I would assume was interested... Other posters are right, the longer you wait to tell him the more difficult it will become. A phone call with some vague excuse along the lines of you're not ready for relationship right now, you're too busy at work, or it's winter and you need to go into hibernation and thus cannot see him anymore, etc...you get the picture.
Tarantula Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Tell him straight , you are not interested in going on with him . The longer you wait , the harder to say . And you may also hurt him .. as a person ,if you wait longer ,you know . So tell him now . God bless!
D-Jam Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I'd tell you also to be straight forward and honest. Excuses, white lies, avoidance, etc...it'll just make him try harder and/or give you crap when he finally "figures it out". I'd also suggest to you and anyone not to cuddle with someone or do "more than friends" gestures with someone you're not interested in. It's why a girl could make out with me and even have sex with me, and yet I still wouldn't assume she wants to be my GF.
berrieh Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I am going to try to make this as short as possible. I went on a date, and we had good conversation, no flirting whatsoever - I wasn't feeling it. I went back to his place to see his dog, and we kind of cuddled a little on the couch while watching a movie - no big deal. Then on the way to my car, he started holding my hand! Then he went in for a kiss and I turned my face. LOL Then I felt bad so I grabbed his face and pecked him quickly on the lips once. It was so ackward. Now he keeps calling, but how do I break it to him that I am not interested in him? I have never been good at doing this, I hate having to. My friends told me I am sending him mixed signals and that I need to let him know. How should I say it, and can I do it over e-mail. I know I am a wuss, I just hate hurting people. I feel so bad. Please help me, I am dreading this. I told him I would call him today, and I never did. After one date, yes, you can do it over email if you like. It is still more likely to make him mad than doing it over the phone, which is inherently more polite (because he can say something back without crafting a full message). But I don't think it's impolite to do it via email. Tell the truth. Say, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel like we really have romantic potential, and I don't want to lead you on." If you want to be friends: Tell him so and add a sincere compliment, if you can think of any. If you don't want to be friends, don't add anything just to be nice. Why would you cuddle with a guy you knew you weren't interested in? That's what got you into this situation. You should have gone home instead of going up to see his dog... if you wanted to avoid the awkardness.
CommitmentPhobe Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I went back to his place to see his dog, and we kind of cuddled a little on the couch Lucky dog! Anyway, just blow him out politely, don't do the whole lets be friends crap. He'll get over it in a week or so.
tincanman99 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 As a guy if you did this I would be totally confused. You led him on. That is the bottomline. You engaged in behavior that said you were interested. If you are not, thats fine but dont do this. These are the signals that are given when you ARE INTERESTED. Dont do this and than complain when the guy calls you. That being said since you are not. Dont disappear (which is very obnoxious), dont make excuses. Just be polite and say either over the phone or via email - "I dont think its a good match and I dont want to pursue this any further". This ends it right than and there and there is no ambiguity. No mixed messages, no confusion. Whatever you do dont text him. Thats even more rude than the email.
CommitmentPhobe Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 By the way are you sure you don't like this guy and want to give him a further chance? You went back to his place, cuddled, held his hand and kissed him on the lips Can't be that repulsive to you surely?
movingonandon Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I am going to try to make this as short as possible. I went on a date, and we had good conversation, no flirting whatsoever - I wasn't feeling it. I went back to his place to see his dog, and we kind of cuddled a little on the couch while watching a movie - no big deal. Then on the way to my car, he started holding my hand! Then he went in for a kiss and I turned my face. LOL Then I felt bad so I grabbed his face and pecked him quickly on the lips once. It was so ackward. Now he keeps calling, but how do I break it to him that I am not interested in him? I have never been good at doing this, I hate having to. My friends told me I am sending him mixed signals and that I need to let him know. How should I say it, and can I do it over e-mail. I know I am a wuss, I just hate hurting people. I feel so bad. Please help me, I am dreading this. I told him I would call him today, and I never did. A quick bj will make rejection a lot easier to handle Or, you can ask him where does he see this relationship going. Also, kiss on a first date is usually a horrible, horrible idea.
berrieh Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Also, kiss on a first date is usually a horrible, horrible idea. Well, yeah, if you don't like the guy. But every long-term relationship I've ever had, the guy and I kissed on the first date. The ones where I tried to date guys who did not try to kiss me on the first date, or whom I didn't want to kiss on the first date... those went nowhere.
movingonandon Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 It's why a girl could make out with me and even have sex with me, and yet I still wouldn't assume she wants to be my GF. Right on. It is my goal to have this attitude throughout my future 50 year marriage. The point being is that the enormous quantities of sex-related guilt many (most!) women carry in their heads also can mess up with guy's heads. So when a girl does finally have sex with us many get the horrible idea that "the last fortress has fallen", and now all that has to be done is to peacefully rule the kingdom for centuries (i.e. take all the **** for granted). Not so. The insurgency needs to be supressed continously .
fivefive Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I'm a guy and I would want a woman to be straightforward with me instead of confusing me with mixed signals. Thats my opinion. I wouldn't want to be led on, only to later find out that I had been wasting my time. So tell him early.
O'Malley Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Tell the truth. Say, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel like we really have romantic potential, and I don't want to lead you on." The above -- but be courteous enough to say this over the phone and don't offer up some vague pretense of friendship. He obviously wants to date you, not be your platonic pal, no matter what his reply is. Summon your courage, call and get it over with. Think of all the times you were angered/annoyed/confused when a guy you really liked pulled a MIA on you. Don't waste his time or yours. .
Author CandyGirlXO Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 By the way are you sure you don't like this guy and want to give him a further chance? You went back to his place, cuddled, held his hand and kissed him on the lips Can't be that repulsive to you surely? Well I went back to his place so that I can see his dog - he has my favorite breed. We cuddled not a whole lot, not like spooning or anything that serious. I know I should not have done that, but it was cold and it has been a LONG time since I have done that with anyone. I know lame excuse to do something like that, but I like being held. God I feel so bad, I feel like such a b**ch! He went in for a french kiss - I blocked it, and then felt bad so I just grabbed his face and gave him a quick peck. I have no desire to do anything physical with him. He would break me. I am 5'2, 104lbs, he is 6'4 245lbs.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 Okay I am calling him tonight to let him know I had fun, but I am not interested in having a relationship right now. So horrible. I really do want a BF, I just didn't really like him.
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