blazkowicz Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I spent majority of my adolescence playing stupid computer games. lol I'm 20 and I haven't been on a single date yet. But I am not shy at all. I get along with girls in my classes pretty well. I just haven't really had that much chance to socialize with them outside of campus. xD Plz give me some words of wisdom. So I don't even know where I'm gonna begin? I mean, I'm not saying dating is some kinda game with strict rules. It's all about having fun, but still there's gotta be some expectations, right?.. like a guy's expected to call his date the next day.. stuffs like that. So how did you learn what to do on a date and what to do to maintain a healthy relationship? I wish somebody can have me sit down and teach all these things. *sigh* Any advice?
kdark Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Practice. Lots of time spent feeling like a loser, screwing up, and begging for forgiveness...
berrieh Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Experience. ****ing stuff up. But mainly, I didn't really. That's why I'm still dating. If you really learn your dating skills, you graduate to something better.
T-town Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I spent majority of my adolescence playing stupid computer games. lol I'm 20 and I haven't been on a single date yet. But I am not shy at all. I get along with girls in my classes pretty well. I just haven't really had that much chance to socialize with them outside of campus. xD Plz give me some words of wisdom. So I don't even know where I'm gonna begin? I mean, I'm not saying dating is some kinda game with strict rules. It's all about having fun, but still there's gotta be some expectations, right?.. like a guy's expected to call his date the next day.. stuffs like that. So how did you learn what to do on a date and what to do to maintain a healthy relationship? I wish somebody can have me sit down and teach all these things. *sigh* Any advice? Practice, Practice, Practice...also there is a book by Carlos Xuma called Secrets of the Alpha Male that is pretty interesting. It isn't a dating book, but more a book on how to become assertive confident person...which as a result will make you better not only with women, but with friends, work colleagues etc...
movingonandon Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I beg to differ from all the opinions on experience. practice/experience helps, but it's not THAT important. The most important thing is self-awareness. As long as you know who you are and what you're all about, you will feel comfortable doing anything social, including dating, even if you've never done it before. Case in point: me. I'm in my 30's, and technically i had never dated at all until recently. Sure, I was in several relationships in my 20s, but all of them developed idyosincratically, and had nothing to do with the traditional concept/protocol of dating. Fast forward 10 years later. I'm finally forced to do it "for real", and only in the space of several months I'm doing better than many guys out there. Make sure you improve yourself and like yourself, then all you have to do is keep asking girls out. There's no magic. Just harmless casuel banter until they reach the point when its obvious (to them) that they should be making out with you
Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 MovingOn, this is interesting what you write... I feel like I'm definitely an idiosyncratic type socially also, I tend to fare better in nonstructured friendships etc. What do you mean by self awareness??
xpaperxcutx Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 You trade in your video games for a social life for one. Girls like that a guy is assertive and has some kind of life outside of call of duty and xbox. If all you can talk about leveling up in an rpg, you'll never learn to talk to girl.
kashmir Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 You trade in your video games for a social life for one. Girls like that a guy is assertive and has some kind of life outside of call of duty and xbox. If all you can talk about leveling up in an rpg, you'll never learn to talk to girl. Yeah, I folded with computer games in order to become more social. Hasn't been a very good bargain though. I agree that trying will help you learn. You've gotta feel like an ass in front of a total stranger. You've gotta be a creep to know how not to behave. I look back at some ways I approached girls and I laugh at how dumb I was. I still am dumb in a lot of ways, but knowing what not to do is part of learning. I look back at the times I played guitar out in public and realized how some of those times were good but other times sucked. Whatever. It's hard as hell to get a date though. People act like it's as simple as talk to a girl - get her number - plan something with her. She'll throw in a ton of flaky acts and games that just make things harder. Girls really don't want to go on dates, even if they're attracted to a guy.
berrieh Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 It's hard as hell to get a date though. People act like it's as simple as talk to a girl - get her number - plan something with her. She'll throw in a ton of flaky acts and games that just make things harder. Girls really don't want to go on dates, even if they're attracted to a guy. Girls want to go on dates with guys they like. However, girls would prefer things to be 'easy.' That's where it helps if you take the lead in an even way... A first date can be stressful; every first step is especially stressful for women because they feel like they're "reacting" the whole time. Dating is a dance, and the man often has to take the lead, especially at first. Women are worried that the guy will be awkward at leading, and any intervention on their part, will just make things more awkward. On top of the same worries about being judged, etc, that men have, it's harder to be a woman on those first few dates because you feel trapped, like you can't really direct the flow of things. So, taking the lead in a thoughtful way is a great way to get through those first few dates with a girl you like - ask for her number, call her, have a plan (and a few back up details to it), consult with her but do not ask her to come up with the plan, and most of all, request a specific date and time! Girls don't want to plan something "with" you on those first few dates. They expect you to take the lead. Any guy that doesn't is saying "I don't care enough to have a plan" or "I'm really lazy" even if they're not trying to and just trying to be considerate, etc. Later on, girls will want to be more active in the planning of dates, as it gets towards the place where girls are comfortable and better at leading -- the serious relationship -- but in dating, women are taught NEVER EVER to take the lead, lest they be seen as creepy.
IrishCarBomb Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Girls really don't want to go on dates, even if they're attracted to a guy. Really? Why do you think this? I could see you might be frustrated with pursuing women, but this seems a bit outrageous.
carhill Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 How did you learn all your dating skills? Playboy and Penthouse forum Seriously, like most anyone else, with a raft of failures punctuated by a few successes. I'm still learning, lest you think you stop dating once you get married
Author blazkowicz Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 Thanks for nice advices, people! But what if you don't have anybody that you like? You just sit down there and wait till you start liking somebody?
D-Jam Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 So how did you learn what to do on a date and what to do to maintain a healthy relationship? I wish somebody can have me sit down and teach all these things. *sigh* Any advice? You're 20...girls in your age group are more out for temporary excitement than a solid long term RL. They want to spend this time now sleeping with every bad boy and shallow meathead they can find until they hit 26, 27, or 28...then they'll be thinking marriage to one of their regular douchebags (if she can tame him) or hooking up with a nice guy who isn't too much of a doormat. You first need to decide what you want. Do you want just to date around, sleep around, have fun, and think long term commitment later? Or would you rather find a good solid long term thing now and maybe have it lead to marriage? If you choose the first choice, then basically make yourself about looking good, being charming, and making women crave you...but also make it that they can't fully have you. So they show you interest, you date them, have fun with them, but if you're thinking she's not GF material, then let her know and then it's on her to move on, or waste her time trying to change your mind (with more sex and affection). Granted you'll get an occasional psycho claiming you played her...when you didn't. If you choose the second choice, then try to play yourself off as the "decent guy". Despite being a good man with confidence, you will get rejected. Sorry to say that, but you will run into the immature girls who still crave drama and abuse over stability. Don't fret though...you'll see they would have been wastes of your time. Seek out "good girls" who aren't about dressing like hookers and hanging out in the bars. Seek out the ones who are studying, taking part in community things, close to her family, and maybe hangs at cafes with friends. Be a good man to her. You seem to have no problem being conversational with girls. Do you ever notice any of them flirting? Giving you more attention than normal? Do they call you up? Do any of them see you across the room and immediately come over to say hi and see how you are doing? Keep your eyes out on those. Chat, be sociable, and if you can see interest...then take a chance. You will fail a lot, but that's how it is for men. We get loads and loads of rejection before we get one affirmation. Don't let it bring you down, and if it does...then back off and don't take it so seriously. Remember to enjoy your life and only give priority to a woman when she will give priority to you.
flc Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 15 years of doing sales, identify the buying signs, sell, close the deal
Perry Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Way back when, I started out just asking women, getting their viewpoints on things, and their experiences out there.
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