Julesx0822 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now. When we first started dating we had immediate chemistry and things have been getting pretty serious and were going really well. He does have a lot of responsibilities (a daughter and full-time job, bills, and is applying to the National Guard). Things were going really well until a few days ago when he started being pretty distant and not coming around as much. Yesterday he sat me down (I have finals this week, mind you) and says that he's "worried about us" and "where we are headed in the future." He said he has to think about if this is what he really wants in regards to our plans for the future. But, he also said that no matter what if I needed anything ever I could always count on him because I've been so good to him. Basically, it sounded like in a few days he will have thought it over and either will break up with me or decide he wants to stay in the relationship. I am giving him his space, but am frustrated with the stress of finals and being unsure about what this means for our relationship. I feel like even if he wants to stay with me, because this came out of nowhere, I'm really hurt by the situation... Any thoughts on to what this means and how I can deal with it? I'm trying my best to stay focused on my work until finals are over, but it's really difficult because I care a lot about him and don't want to lose what we have or had...
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Why would he do this to you in the middle of finals? That's not very considerate. School's expensive and time consuming. Don't let your hard work and money go to waste by worrying about this right now. Get back to the books. I would just tell him that you would be willing to sit down with him and discuss his concerns but he will have to wait until after your finals.
Author Julesx0822 Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 he apologized for doing it while i have finals and justified it by saying that he didn't want to keep something from me and have me find out later. which i think he could have done considering he knows how seriously i take school. i'm just having a hard time reading things. he's always been a big support, so how do i push this down now and what should i think after my finals are up? i'm just thrown for such a loop right now.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 It sounds like he has a lot on his plate, and he has an extra considerations because he has a child. The fact that he said "worried" makes me think there is some specific issue that is bothering him. Maybe you are talking about moving out of the area after college, and he doesn't know where that leaves him. I don't know, it just sounds like there is maybe some basic incompatibility that he is wrestling with. You have to just trust that he knows what is right for himself and his kid, and that he will make the right decision for himself. If it lands on your side, great, then you guys can sit down and iron out any differences. If it doesn't, then you just have to accept that this relationship was not meant for the long haul. Many relationships fit us at certain times of our lives, but then we outgrow them. The things we needed and were getting from our partners changed, and the R is not working anymore. It is no one's fault. Do whatever you can do to get your mind off of this, though, so you can study. That takes some mental discipline, but you need to conjure it up right now. Go exercise to burn off some steam and make sure you are getting enough sleep.
refurb Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 The smartest thing you can do is to NOT sit there and wait for his answer. Get on with your life. RF
johan Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 i'm just having a hard time reading things. he's always been a big support, so how do i push this down now and what should i think after my finals are up? i'm just thrown for such a loop right now. Consider it a breakup. Try to put it out of your mind. Look to your future and do your best on your exams. After the finals, or maybe even now, arrange to give him back his things and get back yours. Don't get into a discussion about it. Whatever explanation he has to offer is irrelevant, any time you spend hearing it will just be wasted. Just schedule the exchange and focus on the goals you still have which are and always were more important than him.
Author Julesx0822 Posted December 13, 2008 Author Posted December 13, 2008 thanks.... I am now finished with my finals and have packed up his things. If he's questioning that much, then we are not feeling the same things for each other, and I'm not going to be in a relationship by myself. I've pack up his stuff. And he can call or not, but I'm going out to celebrate the end of the semester. xx
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 You go! Don't even give him the pleasure of a phone call from you. Maybe you'll meet someone even better while you're out celebrating. thanks.... I am now finished with my finals and have packed up his things. If he's questioning that much, then we are not feeling the same things for each other, and I'm not going to be in a relationship by myself. I've pack up his stuff. And he can call or not, but I'm going out to celebrate the end of the semester. xx
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