LaureOC Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Ok, here is the story... I met this man during my son's baseball practice. His daughter and my son play in the same team. When we initially met, both of us were in a relationship. After trying to deny any attraction between the 2 of us... I realised (and with him helping me) that we were attracted to each other. I don't think I would have even looked at this man unless he had shown me interest: for instance calling me trying to set up playdates for our children, enrolling them in different activities... I am not the type to go after men who are already committed in relationships.. Now at first I took it very innocently... after all we are both single parents and we understand how difficult it may be to find a cool, and understanding parent... One day he called me to let me know that things with his girlfriend were not so good and that they were splitting... because she felt she was in direct competition with his daughter and did not understand since she has no kid how it is to have a kid... Things with my boyfriend were not that great either... my relationship was moving too fast into something I did not want (my boyfriend would talk about us getting married, having kids...) and just by thinking about this idea... I freaked out! About 2 weeks ago, he came over to my house to help me out with a new piece of furniture I got... we spoke for hours about everything including his relationship with his ex and how he wants to take things slow and that maybe in the future he might get back with his ex and how he is now looking for someone he can lean on and someone who will understand him ... After talking for hours, we kissed each other... you could see the spark in his eyes... and the connection was undoubtly there... However after that point... things got a little complicated, he is a very busy man and on the weekends he is with his daughter... and so am I... so we did not have any real time together... we are always rushing.. and when we are with our children and spending time together... I feel like we are like friends and the spark, romance, passion disappear... He is very protective with his daughter and since he is absent during the week he tries to compensate that time on the weekends... and I understand that... I am in the same boat... It is a little awkward to evolve in this type of relashionship where you don't know where to stand... and you don't have that necessary one and one time to discover/romance each other and build that strong base... we are already falling in the let's take the kids to the zoo... and no special occasions for us... he doesn't even time to speak on the phone and text most of the time... I am very confused... why would he do everything to charm me and want to get together and now that we are trying to start something new... he has no time... Is it in fact a babysitter he is looking for... a mother figure for his kid??? Am I the rebound relationship since his relationship ended not too long before ours started... but part of his relationship ending was because of us and that special attraction we built over time... Shouldn't he dedicate more time to us... I don't know but this is very confusing... It is very difficult to evolve in a deeper relationship when you don't spend the necessary time to court each other... This never happened to me before.. I usually met the guy spend quality time with him, enough time to see if it was worth for him to be included in my son's life... but not the opposite where we are already moving to the kids world and missed those crucial moments to build our relationship... I am already losing interest... the magic is starting to fade out... and maybe meeting him helped me realise where I was in my previous relationship and gave me the courage to end it... I am LOST!!!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks!
AlektraClementine Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 wow. And I've often thought (as a single parent myself) that it would be much easier if I just dumped my current boyfriend and got together with another single parent. Guess no relationship is easier than the other.
BikerBeagle Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 About 2 weeks ago, he came over to my house to help me out with a new piece of furniture I got... we spoke for hours about everything including his relationship with his ex and how he wants to take things slow and that maybe in the future he might get back with his ex and how he is now looking for someone he can lean on and someone who will understand him ... After talking for hours, we kissed each other... you could see the spark in his eyes... and the connection was undoubtly there...Sounds to me like he's looking for a friend ...with benefits.
D-Jam Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 First off LaureOC...calm down. I think right now won't be a good time for him to get in deep with another woman simply because he just had one RL fall apart, he might be feeling a bit insecure with his child since the last woman lost interest because he's a busy dad, and his heart is a little tender. You need to think in terms of if neither of you had kids, would you be interested in dating him? Figure out if you're attracted to him or not. Figure out if he's possibly an ideal man for you, or a convenient man for now. He needs to do the same...and I think once you figure out what you would want from him, then have a deep talk to him about it. Find out where he's really standing. If he's still getting over his ex, that's fine...it says you two should take it slow and keep things more friendly. Let it grow to love if it's meant to be. Unfortunately, because you two are busy single parents, dating will be a challenge and one-on-one time isn't going to easily happen unless you two can find a competent sitter for both kids when you two want to go out. You two can't really do spontaneous things because of the kid factor in your life, and would have to play nights together and other time together. If you really like this guy, then the first thing would be to talk to him seriously and get it out on the table...make up the ground rules of you two...and then take it slow and see if things blossom or fizzle out into "just friends". A lot of the time together will be time spent with him and both your children, but that's life unfortunately. I don't know what else to tell you.
Author LaureOC Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 He is the one who put an end to his previous relationship... she was living with him and he asked her to move out... he needs his space back and maybe time with his daughter.. but why starting something new... you are right I should have a good talk with him and take things slow as friends first... just don't want to be his friend with benefits as suggested by BikerBeagle...
D-Jam Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 He is the one who put an end to his previous relationship... she was living with him and he asked her to move out... he needs his space back and maybe time with his daughter.. but why starting something new... you are right I should have a good talk with him and take things slow as friends first... just don't want to be his friend with benefits as suggested by BikerBeagle... Just remember you call the shots when it comes to your body. Just because you decide to be friends with him doesn't mean you owe him sex or anything.
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