LaureOC Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Ok, here is the story... I met this man (Peter) during my son's baseball practice. His daughter and my son play in the same team. When we initially met, both of us were in a relationship. After trying to deny any attraction between the 2 of us... I realised (and with him helping me) that we were attracted to each other. I don't think I would have even looked at this man unless he had shown me interest: for instance calling me trying to set up playdates for our children, enrolling them in different activities... I am not the type to go after men who are already committed in relationships.. Now at first I took it very innocently... after all we are both single parents and we understand how difficult it may be to find a cool, and understanding parent... One day he called me to let me know that things with his girlfriend were not so good and that they were splitting... because she felt she was in direct competition with his daughter and did not understand since she has no kid how it is to have a kid... Things with my boyfriend were not that great either... my relationship was moving too fast into something I did not want (my boyfriend would talk about us getting married, having kids...) and just by thinking about this idea... I freaked out! About 2 weeks ago, Peter came over to my house to help me out with a new piece of furniture I got... we spoke for hours about everything including his relationship with his ex and how he wants to take things slow and that maybe in the future he might get back with his ex and how he is now looking for someone he can lean on and someone who will understand him ... After talking for hours, we kissed each other... you could see the spark in his eyes... I am guessing it was the same for me... however after that point... things got a little complicated, he is a very busy man and on the weekends he is with his daughter... and so am I... so we did not have any real time together... we are always rushing.. and when we are with our children and spending time together... I feel like we are like friends and the spark, romance, passion disappear... He is very protective with his daughter and since he is absent during the week he tries to compensate that time on the weekends... and I understand that... I am in the same boat... However it is a little ackward to evolve in this type of relashionship where you don't know where to stand... and you don't have that necessary one and one time to discover/romance each other and build that strong base... we are already falling in the let's take the kids to the zoo... and no special occasions for us... he doesn't even time to speak on the phone and text most of the time... I am very confused... why would he do everything to charm me and want to get together and now that we are trying to start something new... he has no time... Is it in fact a babysitter he is looking for... a mother figure for his kid??? Am I the rebound relationship since his relationship ended not too long before ours started... but part of his relationship ending was because of us and that special attraction we built over time... houldn't he dedicate more time to us... I don't know but this is very confusing... It is very difficult to evolve in a deeper relationship when you don't spend the necessary time to court each other... This never happened to me before.. I usually met the guy spend quality time with him, enough time to see if it was worth for him to be included in my son's life... but not the opposite where we are already moving to the kids world and missed those crucial moments to build our relationship... I am already losing interest... the magic is starting to fade out... and maybe meeting him helped me realise where I was in my previous relationship and gave me the courage to end it... I am LOST!!!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks!
JohnnyBlaze Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Just to make sure I'm clear on this: He was in a relationship, you were in a relationship. Neither were going well.He started cooking up reasons for you two to be together.He split from his chick.He came over, things got hot.Since then, you two do go out (usually with the kids) and the spark is pretty much gone. Is that about right? If so, there is the possibility that you were the "other woman". When someone's relationship is stale, he/she goes looking for something to put some excitement back in life. Sneaking around with another woman (even just tempting her) and the risk of being caught can often satisfy that. Now that it is a legitimate relation, it's just not as dangerous anymore. As B.B. King so famously said, "the thrill is gone". I'm not saying that's definitely the case here, but if he went from red hot to ice cold in that short a time, it is a plausible theory. On an unrelated topic, please split your post up into paragraphs. It makes it so much easier to read. Not trying to be a Grammar Nazi, but the easier it is to read, the more people will read it, and the more responses you'll receive. Just trying to be helpful!
Author LaureOC Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Thanks for your reply! So then how would you sparkle the relationship again... by not being available... I just don't like to play games especially when you have kids involved... and don't want him to be already in his comfort zone... very shocking to me... he farted in front of me after me and him were spending a romantic moment... how would you tell a guy that turns you off without sounding too stuck up??? Thanks again for your great advice! It is always helpful to get advice from someone who is outside of the relationship.
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