Charlemagne Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Hi everyone ! I'm completely new at this forum so my name is Alex and I'm from Paris. I have a question to all of you. There is a small problem. 1,5 year ago I met a girl. She had a boyfriend but as it turned out she didn't really care. I was invited to a grill party where there were both of them. Her boyfriend got drunk and leave us.. And since that time something has sparkled between me and this girl. Afterwards we met couple of times, had sex, and told each other that we are in love.. But the situation was completely crazy for me becuase she didnt want to leave her boyfriend. So.. I've been waiting for her couple of months, and nothing.. We broke up couple of times. Recently we had a break of 3 months but now we are in contact one more time.. She still has this boyfriend but as always she is really charming and really makes effort.. I really care about this girl, she is so beautiful but how can I treat her ? When I go to a pt or meet other girls she is upset.. I can meet this girl only once a month, Im in my best time, I can't just sacrifice everything to be with a girl via msn or something like that.. but still this little moments with her are really precious.. What can I do ?
jwi71 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Hi everyone ! I'm completely new at this forum so my name is Alex and I'm from Paris. I have a question to all of you. There is a small problem. 1,5 year ago I met a girl. She had a boyfriend but as it turned out she didn't really care. I was invited to a grill party where there were both of them. Her boyfriend got drunk and leave us.. And since that time something has sparkled between me and this girl. Afterwards we met couple of times, had sex, and told each other that we are in love.. But the situation was completely crazy for me becuase she didnt want to leave her boyfriend. So.. I've been waiting for her couple of months, and nothing.. We broke up couple of times. Recently we had a break of 3 months but now we are in contact one more time.. She still has this boyfriend but as always she is really charming and really makes effort.. I really care about this girl, she is so beautiful but how can I treat her ? When I go to a pt or meet other girls she is upset.. I can meet this girl only once a month, Im in my best time, I can't just sacrifice everything to be with a girl via msn or something like that.. but still this little moments with her are really precious.. What can I do ? Unrequited love blows. Sorry, but she cares more for her bf than you. We know this because she is still with him. So you are chasing a lying, cheating jealous woman. Are you sure the "prize" is worth it? My advice...forget her. Go out, enjoy life and meet other women.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 You're wasting your time on someone who isn't interested in pursuing a real relationship with you. She has no intention of breaking it off with her boyfriend. Why are you hellbent on continuing to let her back into your life? She has a boyfriend and that's the reality of your situation. Do you enjoy being her sidedish? The OM in her life? How long do you want to be second fiddle to someone else's gal? What are you really getting out of this, other than pain and heartache?
Author Charlemagne Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 All of you are right. But this is a creepy situation. I dont really know what actually I want to get from this girl. Probably I deceive myself that one day we will be together and everything will be fantastic. This girl really seems to be involved in our "friendship" she is warm and looks like really care about me. We have great sex, great talks. But.. she cant give me love. Now I dont know exactly which way to choose. To do my best to eventually get her, or try to spend less and less time with her and strive to pure friendship. I dont want to give up.. maybe my mistake.
SierraRose Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. IMO, if she loved you she would have ditched her b/f a long time ago. Furthermore, she has no say in who you date, if you date. Personally, it sounds more like a FWB situation.
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Now I dont know exactly which way to choose. To do my best to eventually get her, or try to spend less and less time with her and strive to pure friendship. I dont want to give up.. maybe my mistake. Leave her alone, and live your life without her in it. You can't be friends with her as that will just hold you back from finding someone else, let alone keep you as the OM in her life, EVEN as a friend. It'll just be an emotional affair.
Author Charlemagne Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 Doesn't she deserve any chance to try ? I've isolated a little bit from her. Now she can see that I have life and goals that are more important than she is. I'm going out regardless of what she think. I'm meeting girls, and she knows about it and even if she is upset I don't care. But still we want to meet to look at things, to renew our situation and probably when she would find me well-doing she will change her mind about her boyfriend.. But this is not my plan, my plan is to lead playful life, and if she would want to be a part of it I would accept her, otherwise I will find someone else.
Reggie Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 You sure you want a relationship with someone you know cannot be trusted? How secure do you think you will feel? You'd have to be ever vigilant.Exhausitng, I'd think.
norajane Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Doesn't she deserve any chance to try ?She's already had a year and a half to try. She's been stringing you along that long already. You've wasted that much time on her already. Are there NO other women you could possibly be interested in? You're SO into her that you're passing all of them up by waiting for her to dump her bf. You can't feel much for other women if all your affections are turned toward her. A year and a half. That's time you will never get back.
Author Charlemagne Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 That's the case Reggie. She is a little bit immature.. She acts sometimes like a greedy materialistic prositute and don't see the higher virtues and values. During the breaks I've mentioned earlier I've met some girls, but there was no girl as she is.. Maybe I think that way becuase she constitute a challenge to me but still, even now, fresh-minded I think she is kinda special. I know that I have life, goals, and the story about Picasso who supposedly burnt his pictures when he got cold, because he believed in the bright future and his abilities, and I know that I can meet the same "quality" woman as she is, or even do better but probably this is the case that I wanna proof something.. Or to complete a matter started before. Next time, when she would like to settle a meeting I'm going to say no, that's all regarding our "friendship" and now I'm looking for someone who will treat me for real, you had your time. It should be a good solution to this creepy situation.. Now I need advise for smooth escaping from her. Thank you all for prior comments !
Joyvke Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Just tell her you don't want to be second best anymore. That you want to be the real deal and not the cake. Chances are high she will scew you over like she did with her ex as well though. Then again I always have the thing "once someone cheats with you, who says they won't do it to you".
Reggie Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 C, you have no idea how lucky you are to be getting out of this. People like this seldom change and you'd be badly hurt, hurt like her BF is being hurt, if you stay. You have no obligatios to her and it is simple to get out. Just don't see her or take calls.
Author Charlemagne Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 I've just told her that I dont have any longer willingness to pursuit her. That there was no future, and she didn't treat me seriously, I deserve true love and I'm going to find one. Thank you, LS members Greetings from Paris !
Author Charlemagne Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 We had another conversation just right now.. And I told her that I really believed, but now I'm looking for someone who have willingess to share love with me blablabla.. And she said that she believed, but she was not sure, and now becuase of my choice can accept engagement from her bf which she couldn't do earlier becuase of me.. ****. What do you think ?
jj33 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I think you are lucky that she is not becoming engaged to you! She is not sure? About what? Now that you have made your choice she can become engaged???? And what it was OK for her to sleep with you before she was engaged? How happy would you have been if you were her boyfriend. If she is cheating now and truly only becoming engaged because you are now out of the picture then she will cheat again. Just be glad you wont be the one she will be betraying. She must be very beautiful and charming because she is not nice or honest.
Reggie Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Tell her BF and then run, yourself. Someone is in for a world of hurt if they marry this woman. She is clearly nuts and sociopathic.
jonnybananas Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 C, ive been stuck in the same situation. do your best to get out. ive been taking baby steps in that direction but i just havent been strong enough for that final leap. hopefully i will get the balls to do it soon. my girl actually became my best friend. thats what is so hard. i feel your pain. the girl i was seeing talked all about love and marriage, blah blah blah....yet she is still with her bf because she is afraid of me hurting her and getting close and her and her current boyfriend barely even have a relationship. so its perfect for her. the pain i have been thorugh from her unrequited love has been devastating. this isnt love. would you treat someone you love in such a way? i really doubt it. i know i wouldnt. so do your best to move in the other direction and get away. you deserve to be treated better. good luck!
Author Charlemagne Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 She doesn't deserve me, she is a bitch I can see my own value, and there is no person in this world who has permission to destroy this value without reason. I've just move on.. (Or maybe it is just Bordeaux) Regards
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