Lishy Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Do you think that when you first meet a guy/girl that it is good or bad to see each other nearly every day? What are your experiences of this?
2sure Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 When I was dating, I couldnt stand when a guy wanted to see me everyday. This includes my now husband. I was oky with a phone call once a day because they all seem to want that ....but I dont know , EVERY DAY?? Even though I was head over heels in love and lust - everyday made me think either he was too needy or that he would get sick of me or me of him. I wouldn't do it.
shylight200 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 When I first start dating a guy that I really like, in the first few weeks, I want to see him and talk to him as often as I can because I just want to be around him. I love the new relationship feeling, but of course that eventually goes away and we stop seeing each other so often. I don't know if it's good or bad, but i do it.
Star Gazer Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 When I'm crazy about a guy, I WANT to spend that much time with him. I know it's not healthy though, or a good way to start of a relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 All my relationships which turned into LTRs, started this way or at minimum, every second or third day. It's important to me to know that someone CAN and wants to spend 24/7 with me, even though he doesn't and shouldn't NEED to do so. This doesn't mean, "zero downtime". After a length of time, when things settle down and both are feeling secure in the relationship, then a more reasonable pace always happened. This is the intensity I mentioned in a previous thread. He's GOT to be into me or don't bother.
Author Lishy Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 My beliefs are that the candle that burns the brightest, goes out the quickest. I think at the beginning you should not see each other that much but I wondered how you all felt about it So far I see it is not a good idea yes?
Author Lishy Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 When I'm crazy about a guy, I WANT to spend that much time with him. I know it's not healthy though, or a good way to start of a relationship. Why do you think it is not healthy?
Shygirl15 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 No, I would not like this at all, especially at early stages. To me, this spells out "needy/insecure/controlling" in CAPITALS.
carhill Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I think, if both people are on the same page and the contact isn't a by-product of sex too early (IOW, getting together purely for that sexual stimulation), then it can be healthy. The important thing is that both parties are equal. As this is generally rare, both parties should bend and compromise in a way where both are getting their contact needs (perhaps not desires, which are different) met. As with caring, generally, the person who wants the least contact in the relationship has the most control. My personal experience has been, unless the disparity in desire is communicated properly, too much/often intimacy causes the person wishing less to "blow up" and distance themselves. That person has not been me.
Star Gazer Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Why do you think it is not healthy? That which takes off like a rocket is certain to come crashing down like one.
keechie Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I guess it depends on the people involved. I've had relationships where I wanted my alone time, even in the beginning. However, my boyfriend of two years and I spent nearly every day with each other since the very first time we hung out. We still do, and it felt completely natural and normal to do so even in the beginning. Now he's saying he wants us married in the next couple of years.
Trialbyfire Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 To offset carhill's post about too much, etc., too little causes me to withdraw or just plain, lose interest and walk. There's a comfort level that both parties need to find. If you attain that level with mutual satisfaction on both sides, you enter a relationship. If you can't do it, you'll never get there, or if you do, it will be a short-term scenario. I think people who don't spend much time with someone else, never gets to know them very well, no matter how much they believe in their personal omnipotence. Or maybe they're just satisfied at a superficial level. Who knows?
serialgf Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I think seeing each other everyday CAN BE a bad thing if you're doing it for unhealthy reasons, like you feel unvalidated or incomplete or insecure if you don't see the other person. On the other hand, if you're both healthy and just WANT and LIKE to see each other every day, then that's okay. It depends to me how much time everyday you see each other. My current BF and I have been dating for close to three months and we see each other every day (unless one of us is out of town and i think there have been three days at most we didn't see each other for whatever reason). We have different work schedules though (I work in an office and he works nights in a restaurant) so we have plenty of time alone every day. I've always dated guys who work in restaurants though so i guess it works out better if you have opposite work schedules.... I have a lot of experience with lots of contact, because that's how I am and what I like, and I would say it's very important to check in and be in touch with how the other person feels. I feel so lucky to have finally found someone who wants to be around me as much as I want to be around him (every day).
Trialbyfire Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I agree serialgf. If you need someone to make you happy or to complete you, then there are some issues within yourself to address first, before entering into any serious relationship. This is more a case of consumption of individual. If you enjoy each other, your natural tendencies will surface. Relax and be yourself. A compatible personality will also be creating positive energy towards the relationship. If you're constantly fighting due to too much proximity, you can be guaranteed you're not headed to a long-term commitment like living together or marriage.
marlena Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 If you're constantly fighting due to too much proximity, you can be guaranteed you're not headed to a long-term commitment like living together or marriage. Yes, that's it. If familiarity breeds contempt right from the start, what will it do, say, a year later? Lishy to answer your question. When I was younger, I didn't mind being with my guy every day. In fact, I wanted it. Most of my long-term relationships back then were practically live-in arrangements right from the start. Today, I have gotten so used to having space, that every day would probably cramp my style. Every day or two would be preferable. Hopefully, he too, would need his space and time alone and so there would not be a problem. If I find Mr Compatible, I'll let you know!
D-Jam Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Do you think that when you first meet a guy/girl that it is good or bad to see each other nearly every day? What are your experiences of this? Bad. I believe in "distance makes the heart grow fond", but also I have a life too. Seeing someone like crazy at the beginning sets the precedent that you are always available. So when you're not available or want some "me" time, then the other person will think you lost interest or something bad. Best thing when getting into dating someone or RL mode is to show how things will be in 1-2 years rather than make it all a wild wonderful romantic fantasy right at the beginning...unless you want it always to be that way.
Capricciosa Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Every day is not my preference, not in the beginning, not later on. One of my biggest relationship disasters began with a 1st date that lasted 5 weeks. It was fabulous, but the crash afterwards was one of the worst ones I've ever had. I think every few days is a good pace at the beginning. (But that's just me--every day phone calls make me feel like I'm being checked up on or that the person will be clingy.)
Author Lishy Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 What do you think are the warning signs when a couple have been together for 5 weeks and spend virtually every night together with the girl cooking the guy dinner all the time? To me, it spoils the whole thing and creates a feeling of a long term relationship after no time at all Does anyone have any examples??????????
Perry Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 If two people want to spend that much time together, and it works for them, more power to them. Just because some here say it doesn't work, JUST because it has happened to them doesn't mean it doesn't work, period. There are many, many, many couples who are now living together or are married who started off spending nearly every day together in the beginning.
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Do you think that when you first meet a guy/girl that it is good or bad to see each other nearly every day? What are your experiences of this? I don't see it as good or bad either way unless it is extreme on both ends of the spectrum (i.e. seeing the person every single day or seeing the person every 1-2 weeks). My first two LTR's I was much younger and I saw them several times a week but that's mainly because they lived 5-10 minutes from me. I dated someone who lived an hour a way and the distance plus our schedules made it difficult.
Author Lishy Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 Ok, so it is neither good nor bad?
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Ok, so it is neither good nor bad? It's like every questionnaire and thread on LS. It's good for some and bad for others! I will say that if one person is going "OMGI'MSOINLURVEWITHU" after two weeks, this might be an issue.
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 It's like every questionnaire and thread on LS. It's good for some and bad for others! I will say that if one person is going "OMGI'MSOINLURVEWITHU" after two weeks, this might be an issue. Yes pretty much what Trial said, every person and situation is different. Too much is bad, too little is bad, it's finding a middle ground.
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