Elena62 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 After my marriage going to the dogs and being legally separated and living in the same house my ex decided to finally leave in September. This year - well I can say it's been an eye opener for me! I don't think many know my story, but I was more or less alone and became involved with someone else after ex decided he wanted to live "his own life" I know I tried to patch things up and it didn't work. So, I was left with I guess what you can call an affair - and that broke up this January past. A mess? You betcha! However, I didn't want this man to leave his wife. But his wife left him anyway for another man. And then went back home when she got dumped. It got to a stage where everything was just a bit too messy for my liking, and really went against everything I believed in. The pain of losing my ex but still living together for years was sometimes too much. And the pain of having an affair with a man that was, in my opinion, at the end of it a control freak was too much, also. So, although I had what the other man considered to be an offer of having everything bar the intimacy (such crap huh?) I backed off, went no contact. In fact I felt disgusted with myself every time I felt the urge to get in touch. And the games this man has played has been incredible to watch. I ask myself - How did I ever get involved? Was I blind? Could I not see how cruel, self centered and arrogant he really is? And it was a general observation. He wasn't just like that with me, he was like that with all the women in his life that had got close to him. So, as I said, my ex finally left in September. I didn't feel a thing. In fact I got myself on a mission to sort myself out and run my home and life. It's worked! I can't believe the amount of respect my ex and I have for each other. we do small things to help each other out where it concerns the children. In fact, we get along better now than we ever have! Strange how things pan out, huh? As for the other man? I needed to confirm to myself just exactly what this man was/is. So a couple of months ago I rang his number - not expecting a response but a chance to leave a voicemail message. Basically put I told him there were no hard feelings. he text me back and said to call sometime. So I did, last month. I didn't want to get into any dynamics like we had before, but he flirted, and he remembered and mentioned things to do and that happened between us. He mentioned things about his wife. He said to stay in touch. Will I? Absolutely NOT! Why? Because he's a married man and I'm a single woman - and even if he were single, he has too many red flags and characteristics that would make my life pure hell if it were to ever work out. I've learnt, through losing two men that I thought I loved: 1) Never to compromise your beliefs 2) To show yourself the same level of love as you expect to give and receive. 3) To never ignore the warning signals 4) To never get involved with a married man. And life today? I'm at peace. I have new challenges. I haven't dated yet and I don't care to. Most of the guys that ask me are married - UGH! I say there is life after loss, happiness, joy and contentment. None of us need to be given that from another individual, we can find it within ourselves. My dream? That one day I'll find someone to love, when I'm ready, but not before that! Happy Christmas!
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