LovieDove24 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 [FONT=Tms Rmn]Ok, now I'm pretty old fashioned and prefer the guy being the chaser...BUT my situation may have put me in a situation where the roles need to be reversed. This guy and I work together, our desks are right next to one another. I overhear him talking to his friend occasionally about his gf...they've only been dating for 2 months and he tends to sound pretty lukewarm about her. I notice him checking me out occasionaly and when he starts talking with me it seems like he doesnt want it to stop. Now heres the clincher: I just found out at the beginning of this week that our company is laying off 250 people and I am one of them. My guy however is not. So here I am, have one more month left at this job and want to go on a date with him. I may never see him again... So I'm not sure if its the proper thing to do. I'd invite him out for something casual like out for drinks...this way he wont necessarily see it as me asking him out on a "date." Its all new territory for me: I feel uncomfortable b/c I dont usually approach guys but double that because he has a girlfriend. What do you guys think I should do?[/FONT][FONT=Tms Rmn][sIZE=3][/sIZE] [/FONT]
2sure Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Well, some people will disagree with me but... He has only been dating this girl for weeks , he doesnt live with her, no committment....they are dating. He is available as far as letting you know you might be interested. Send him an email either before or after you leave, making sure he has your phone #. Tell him, lets get together for a drink, coffee, lunch, misic or a movie. Your message will have been delivered. If he responds by calling with a specific date and time he is interested. If he says someday, he isnt. If you go out and he calls to go out again - ask him about his GF. NO SEX! If there is a third date, tell him you dont feel you have to be exclusive but that you want to know the other girl knows he is dating others. If she doesnt know, bail.
used2bthesweetstgirl Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 your geting laid off and you're worried you might not ever see some guy again? smh.
berrieh Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 It's fine to ask men out in general. There are very few men who are 'turned off' by a woman expressing initial interest. If he has a girlfriend, it's in bad taste to ask him out. However, if you simply want to stay in touch - because you like the guy and believe his relationship won't work out - I see nothing wrong with becoming friends, seeing him socially in a platonic way if he's open to it.
manugeorge Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 You can always ask, the burden is on him to say no. Ofcourse the burden shifts back to you if he says yes but won't break up with his girlfriend FIRST. I only tend to say hands off if the person is married, engaged, or if you're close to their relationship.
Author LovieDove24 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 your geting laid off and you're worried you might not ever see some guy again? smh. I know it sounds silly, but we all knew it was coming. I work at a loan center that does mortgages and we have been overstaffed for sometime. Plus I am returning to school in the spring of 09 to get my RN anyways so no huge blow there. What does smh mean?
Author LovieDove24 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Send him an email either before or after you leave, making sure he has your phone #. Tell him, lets get together for a drink, coffee, lunch, misic or a movie. Your message will have been delivered. If he responds by calling with a specific date and time he is interested. He is very shy when it comes to girls so this may backfire. BUT I do agree the 'message' will be delivered this way. You dont think it would be better to do this in person though since we are already kinda friends?
2sure Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 If he is shy, sending him an email gives him a great way to respond (or not) without feeling awkward. PS: Get that RN!!!!
zdheat Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I wouldn't ask. Before you leave give him your phone number on a piece of paper and tell him to call if he'd like to stay in touch.
carhill Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 What does smh mean? Shaking my head (generally in disgust or incredulous dismay).....
prettybaby Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I wouldn't ask. Before you leave give him your phone number on a piece of paper and tell him to call if he'd like to stay in touch. I wouldn't do that. Guys generally suck at keeping up with things. Even if he considers keeping in touch, he'll probably take some time to think about it, and might lose your number in the mean time while still debating whether you meant it casually or romantically. It will lead to nothing. You should pick a time when you know he's available, ask him what he's doing that day/time (pick a time when you know he'll respond "nothing"), and ask him if he'd like to join you for lunch/drinks/whatever is appropriate right then. Your main goal right now is to get to see him outside of work so you can both get to know each other better. And then take things from there. Heck, you could even throw in the fact that you'll be leaving soon, and ask if he'd like to have a last drink or something before you leave. Don't give some vague message with your phone number. He has a girlfriend. Do you really think he'll be as likely to make a move as someone who's 100% single? I think it's very unlikely, unless you make that initial push and make a good impression. And then you'll simply have to keep the ball rolling. And yeah, it sucks for the girlfriend, but if it's very recent and that he's not too much into her, then you have no time to waste. The more you wait, the longer they'll be together.
kashmir Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Just pretend that he doesn't have a girlfriend and ask him out. The worst thing he can say is, "Sorry, but I have a girlfriend." That way, you'll answer the girlfriend question AND whether or not he's interested.
shylight200 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I think it's horrible to ask out a guy when you know that he's with someone. I know, he hasn't been seeing her for long, but still, a relationship is a relationship. How would you like it if the guy you were dating got asked out by some other girl? Besides, if he says yes to you, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't think twice about going out with other women?
carhill Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Besides, if he says yes to you, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't think twice about going out with other women? I followed this common sense advice for many years and it led to a dearth of dates simply because of the timing of catching a woman exactly between dating experiences. Even my wife was dating other people when we met. At that point, I had grown tired of worrying about other people's feelings. May the best man (or woman) win.
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