Sandy22 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago (actually he dumped me). He dumped me because his mother didn't approve of the relationship and we were set to get married next year. So basically I was left with a wedding dress, church booked, reception hall booked and all that. In fact, everything was booked. He didn't even have the guts to talk to me about it rather he dumped me on IM. Now I feel he's trying to come back. I love him still even though he hurt me and treated me like crap! The question now is I'm confused about going back to him seeing as he's a mummy's boy and cannot make his own decisions. I feel like his mother is always going to meddle in our lives IF we end up together. Is going back to him a good idea or no?
Cub Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 That's really a question you should be asking yourself. Can you accept that his mother may always be over his shoulder, and can you accept that her influence over him is so strong?
Author Sandy22 Posted December 13, 2008 Author Posted December 13, 2008 You're quiet right. This is something i really need to think about. Thanks a lot though:)
BikerBeagle Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Actually, it's a question that you need to ask HIM, if you get that far. The key to making a reconciliation work is FIXING what caused you to break up in the first place ...in this case, his mother. But, it's really not his mother, is it? It is him allowing himself to be influenced by his mother. He needs to fix that or any reconciliation between you two will fail.
Author Sandy22 Posted December 13, 2008 Author Posted December 13, 2008 Actually, it's a question that you need to ask HIM, if you get that far. The key to making a reconciliation work is FIXING what caused you to break up in the first place ...in this case, his mother. But, it's really not his mother, is it? It is him allowing himself to be influenced by his mother. He needs to fix that or any reconciliation between you two will fail. You have said it all. He needs to man up if he wants us to get back together. I cannot be with him if he cannot do that. Thanks
troubadour Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Sandy22... it is very, very unlikly that he is going to man up. He couldn't even tell you that he dumped you and you still believe that he is going to change. His "mummy" is the woman of his life and you are never going to replace her. Give yourself a hugh favour and move on... especially that you are already "divorced".
Author Sandy22 Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Sandy22... it is very, very unlikly that he is going to man up. He couldn't even tell you that he dumped you and you still believe that he is going to change. His "mummy" is the woman of his life and you are never going to replace her. Give yourself a hugh favour and move on... especially that you are already "divorced". I know right? I highly doubt it myself as well. Thanks
againstallodds Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I've been with a girl her family didn't approve of me and it's very hard to change her. I did all kind of manipulation to try to win her but in the end it didn't work because of the family. She ended up up going for someone her family approved. A few years later however after she got married and had kid we had a talk and apparently she wasn't happy with him and regret she didn't give us a chance. Too late now duh.
Author Sandy22 Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 I've been with a girl her family didn't approve of me and it's very hard to change her. I did all kind of manipulation to try to win her but in the end it didn't work because of the family. She ended up up going for someone her family approved. A few years later however after she got married and had kid we had a talk and apparently she wasn't happy with him and regret she didn't give us a chance. Too late now duh. You know what yeah?? I feel this will happen in his case too. He will end up with someone who will speak for herself and teach him and his mother a lesson! Certainly that person isn't me.
Lizzie60 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Is going back to him a good idea or no? NOOOOOOOOO.. run.
BCCA Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 To anyone who blames their mom/family/friends...I call BS. IF it was important enough to him, what his mother said would be irrelevant. My entire family told me to never get involved with my ex again, and I didnt listen to a single word because I loved her. I'm sure we've all seen a smart and sexy young lady involving herself with a total loser than everyone she knows hates, but that doesnt stop her in the least, does it? Ask yourself why his mom's opinion matters today, but didnt matter when he asked you to marry him. I'm sure his mothers feelings didnt change overnight. He's probably using her as a scapegoat so he doesnt look like the bad guy. Not his fault, right? Please...
Author Sandy22 Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 To anyone who blames their mom/family/friends...I call BS. IF it was important enough to him, what his mother said would be irrelevant. My entire family told me to never get involved with my ex again, and I didnt listen to a single word because I loved her. I'm sure we've all seen a smart and sexy young lady involving herself with a total loser than everyone she knows hates, but that doesnt stop her in the least, does it? Ask yourself why his mom's opinion matters today, but didnt matter when he asked you to marry him. I'm sure his mothers feelings didnt change overnight. He's probably using her as a scapegoat so he doesnt look like the bad guy. Not his fault, right? Please... He never actually told me that he wants out because of his mother. I know this because of so many things. He is a mummy's boy and you really don't wanna how bad! It isn't an excuse but he's just a little boy and will never grow up! Doesn't matter if he loved me or not. . He will never marry without her approval better yet the next person he will settle down with may even be his own mothers choice. That is how bad it is:laugh: Lizzie60: I'm running girl:laugh:
brianthesnail Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Will his mother ever 'approve' a girl though? Its not a case of 'me or her' in my view, its something that needs to be discussed and resolved to the satisfation of both parties. Maybe find out why she objects and see if there are things that can be done to sort it out. I dont know the history so i can't comment, but my ex accused me of this after i decided not to do various things with her because of how it would affect my parents. Until a year or two ago i never got on with my parents, especially my mum. I wasn't the best son when i was young, and as i grew up we never developed much of a friendship at all. I treated them badly and they did similar to me, we never really bonded at all. I mellowed out a lot when i was with my ex, matured and changed views on things. I realised where i had objected and argued to things before just on principle, i had caused more hassle than i needed to. I began to do some things they wanted out of respect for their views, despite the fact that i was dying to do things my way. I just wanted to try and rebuild the bridges between me and them, despite the fact it put a strain on my relationship. I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend who understood, and respected that i was trying to get to know my family properly for the first time. It never meant that they were more than important than my girl, she was everyting to me, but at that time i had to make some sacrifices or potentially ruin my relationship with them for good. I know this isnt the same situation, and i know that its more complex, but all i would say is that there are potentially reasons for his actions beyond just 'his mother saying so'. Until i explained the full situation to my GF at the time, she just thought i was being a mummys boy by doing what they wanted at times rather than what she and i wanted. Being with me was important enough to her that she accepted that although what had to be done sucked bigtime and didnt always make things easy for us, she too could make that sacrifice if it meant we could be together. And in the end, it actually made our relationship a lot stronger in some ways.
D-Lish Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I spent almost 10 years with a man that couldn't stand up to his wretchid mother. It never, ever changed, never got better. She was horribly mean to me and severely critical of him- everything was about guilt and he was a sad and depressed man because of it. We didn't make it... I am so happy to be away from that woman and family.
Author Sandy22 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 I spent almost 10 years with a man that couldn't stand up to his wretchid mother. It never, ever changed, never got better. She was horribly mean to me and severely critical of him- everything was about guilt and he was a sad and depressed man because of it. We didn't make it... I am so happy to be away from that woman and family. Funny you say this because he gets so depressed whenever she criticizes him of something usually stupid things like something you would tell an 8yr old. He won't talk to me whenever something goes wrong with her. She is a manipulator and would just break down and start crying for no reason! Just to get attention. Brianthesnail: I never did anything wrong to her. She really liked me at first (or so I thought) called all her friends to meet me and all that. once we got engaged everything changed! She would even love for us to move in with her if she can. She IS that selfish! I cannot even begin to tell you what lengths she went to to break us up. I'm sure she is happy that she's succeeded.
againstallodds Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 To anyone who blames their mom/family/friends...I call BS. IF it was important enough to him, what his mother said would be irrelevant. My entire family told me to never get involved with my ex again, and I didnt listen to a single word because I loved her. I'm sure we've all seen a smart and sexy young lady involving herself with a total loser than everyone she knows hates, but that doesnt stop her in the least, does it? Ask yourself why his mom's opinion matters today, but didnt matter when he asked you to marry him. I'm sure his mothers feelings didnt change overnight. He's probably using her as a scapegoat so he doesnt look like the bad guy. Not his fault, right? Please... No hell or high water can stop him from loving you.
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