Isolde Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I'm not making gender-valued statements here, but am simply asking this from a girl's perspective. Why circumstances make guys feel lukewarm towards a girl as opposed to wanting to pursue a relationship with her? Assume attraction is there and she's not crazy. What would make you hesitate versus pursuing her enthusiastically? I know this is a very broad question but I'm intrigued to hear some thoughts.
Gremio Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I assume you are basically asking what a man wants in a woman. Am I correct? I'm a male, mid 20s, but I forewarn you, I am far different from other men my age. - I love it when the woman I'm interested in calls/texts me or asks me how my day is. I believe it's cute and shows me that she is interested. - Smoking. It's a very thin line but the woman will always lose. If she is a smoker, it doesn't matter how gorgeous and intelligent she is, it proves to me she doesn't respect herself or others. - Not giving it up easily. When I am into someone, I prefer to wait. I love sex, but I don't need it. If you show self restraint, it proves to me you aren't "whoring" your body out.
prettybaby Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I'm a girl, so I can't really answer for sure lol but I do know that girls who play too hard to get, or just don't ever initiate anything at all, or show little to no interest (either consciously or due to shyness) will eventually tire guys or confuse them so much that they'll move on. Sometimes before anything even gets started.
lovelorcet Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Needy, clingy, controlling, demand behavior are the most common and biggest turn offs...
goodmorningtowakeup Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 They dont want to be around you for very long at a time. If its someone you could be with and youre a guy, you know in the first 5 secs cause men are just knowing about that ****...SORRY. really i wish it wasnt so cold, but ill spare you the "im not ready" bs cause ive said that before meaning, "dude i dont want you to be my gf...not now, not ever, me so solly.."
S.T.C Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I'm interested in a girl and have been for about six/seven months now, but I am unsure about pursuing anything, she showed interested in me several months ago, but nothing came of it. I am scared of being in a committed relationship, simply because the girls I have been with previously have all cut me in the inside and the wounds have not healed. The main reason I am apprehensive is because I am not sure what we have in common and I feel quite ugly standing next to her. I like what little I have seen of her personality though, she's cute.
fral945 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Why circumstances make guys feel lukewarm towards a girl as opposed to wanting to pursue a relationship with her? Assume attraction is there and she's not crazy. What would make you hesitate versus pursuing her enthusiastically? 1) Personality traits - Needy, clinging, controlling, demanding, princess mentality would be examples. 2) Lifestyle habits that differ significantly from me - Smoker, regular drinker, unhealthy eater. 3) Potential conflicts in beliefs and values - For example, if she's very religious, doesn't want children, or alcohol plays a significant role in her life, that would turn me off. 4) Attraction level - attraction level may not be as high as I want 5) Lukewarm interest on her side - If she shows little or no interest in me and is more interested in herself, I tend not to be enthusiastic about pursuing her, even if deep down she does like me
Rudderless Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Can't make her laugh - like really laugh.
tincanman99 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Smoking Indifference High maintenance Drinks to much Does drugs Does not return calls, emails or txts Controlling Manipulative Juggling multiple men at the same time
norajane Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 From a girl's perspective, guys are attracted but lukewarm when: - guy is multi-dating - guy meets someone else he likes better or is hotter or more likely to have sex with him - guy has been hurt badly by previous ex - guy thinks if he plays hard to get, girl will want him more. in this case, he's not actually lukewarm, but acts like he is - guy doesn't really think she's that hot - guy isn't looking for a relationship, just a short-term hook-up, either in general, or specifically with her 1
D-Jam Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Two words - Red Flags. If she's all into me, but is also showing me that a RL with her will be more drama and hassle than it's worth, then I'll be lukewarm or cold.
Author Isolde Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Can't make her laugh - like really laugh. This is an interesting one.
9Lives Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 From a girl's perspective, guys are attracted but lukewarm when: - guy is multi-dating - guy meets someone else he likes better or is hotter or more likely to have sex with him - guy has been hurt badly by previous ex - guy thinks if he plays hard to get, girl will want him more. in this case, he's not actually lukewarm, but acts like he is - guy doesn't really think she's that hot - guy isn't looking for a relationship, just a short-term hook-up, either in general, or specifically with her you got that right on the nose!!!! yes yes yes
9Lives Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Two words - Red Flags. If she's all into me, but is also showing me that a RL with her will be more drama and hassle than it's worth, then I'll be lukewarm or cold. If she's all into me, what's wrong with that...
D-Jam Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 If she's all into me, what's wrong with that... I meant if I met an attractive woman who is very attracted to me (something that would make me "hot" as opposed to "lukewarm"), I would get lukewarm if she showed me some big red flags right off the bat. When I can clearly see that getting involved with her will become more drama and a big hassle than enjoyment...then I get lukewarm or cold, despite how much she might like me.
Trialbyfire Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Bottom-line Isolde, if a guy is into you, he'll push his grandmother out of the way to get to you. If he's not, all kinds of things can get to him. Don't bother with the latter kind of guy.
Author Isolde Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 To shy for me is a problem. Shy how? Explain...
Yamaha Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Shy how? Explain... If I have to pull teeth to get answers from you or you can't look me in the eye because you're to self conscience then we would have a problem. You don't have to be super outgoing but we would have to have a pretty good re pore initially for me to want to see more if you. In other words, you would have to show me that you are into me and not afraid of that fact ( confidence ).
Gremio Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Smoking Drinks to much Does drugs Juggling multiple men at the same time Drinking excessively is a huge turn off for me. It shows lack of self control. Drugs? I don't even believe I have to say anything about that one. Seeing multiple men means she is not serious about you. You're just one of many.
S.T.C Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I don't find it a turn off if a woman smokes a bit of weed and drinks a little too much, in fact I like these women as they have a zest for life and love to live freely and chaotically, it makes life more interesting.
Author Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 Bottom-line Isolde, if a guy is into you, he'll push his grandmother out of the way to get to you. If he's not, all kinds of things can get to him. Don't bother with the latter kind of guy. This is the same advice my mom gives me I can't imagine a guy ever pursuing me like that...
fishtaco Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 This is the same advice my mom gives me I can't imagine a guy ever pursuing me like that... The problem is, you can't distinguish between those people and stalkers. Imagine no matter how many no's you tell him, he simply persists. The fact is, most women usually have to tell many men no until one that matches come along. Now imagine every guy is the type that pushes their grandma out of way to get to you. Not a very nice predicament. This kind of blind persistence sounds great in a romance novel, not so much in real life.
Author Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 The problem is, you can't distinguish between those people and stalkers. Imagine no matter how many no's you tell him, he simply persists. The fact is, most women usually have to tell many men no until one that matches come along. Now imagine every guy is the type that pushes their grandma out of way to get to you. Not a very nice predicament. This kind of blind persistence sounds great in a romance novel, not so much in real life. I think what TBF meant was that the right guy will make it very clear that he really wants to be with you. He won't be lukewarm or make up excuses not to date you.
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