Another problem, guys... a bit off-topic, but still related.

[FeedingOnFever]

Hey everyone,

 

If you haven't read my other thread, here's a summary: my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a week ago, and I'm picking up the pieces. We were very committed, living together for over a year.

 

Ex-boyfriend moved out and tomorrow he is getting the rest of his things (although he will probably end up making multiple trips.) The sooner they are out the better, but that's not what I'm writing about...

 

Here's my new issue (which has the lousiest timing in the world.) A very vague acquaintance of mine also went through a horrible breakup. His girlfriend of 4 years dumped him, then immediately slept with his best friend. Ouch double ouch, I know. This happened to him over 10 months ago, and he is still a wreck.

 

When my boyfriend left me, I only called three people: my best female friend, a close male friend (from high school), and bizarrely, this acquaintance. I knew he would know what I was feeling and might even have advice.

 

He did have good advice, and we have been text-message supporting each other, encouraging one another to be strong, etc. We hung out (always with other people present) a few times. My friends have taken me out like crazy, to karaoke, to movies, anything to help me avoid my empty house in the evenings. They have been wonderful.

 

This new guy however, started whispering to my close girl friend recently. She would seem annoyed when he did this, but she's the most patient person ever and would hear him out. It's awkward, because he could text her, or ask to speak to her alone, but he deliberately whispers things to her in front of big groups of our friends. It's very noticeable and he doesn't stop even when people stare at him with raised eyebrows, etc.

 

To make what would be a long story short, he has a crush on me. To reiterate, my boyfriend broke up with me one week ago. So I have been actually exchanging full sentences with this new guy for one week. He knows nothing about me, and let me paint a picture of him: he smokes like a chimney even though he is a nurse (says he realizes it is killing him slowly). He sleeps with any girl that moves. He drinks like a fish and has on more than one occasion been SO drunk that he mistakes girls for his ex and threatens them. He is moody, depressive, and a complete drama queen for being the center of attention and stirring up drama. I have had these convictions about him long before we really started talking. He would share with me his sexual exploits randomly on AIM if we had a talk that lasted longer than three lines. I guess he was proud or something.

 

My girl friend (the one I called after the break up; the same one he was whispering to) confirmed my suspicions that his crush is on me. Not that he's not being overly obvious anyway. You should see the facebook notes this guy has written about me (without mentioning my name). He is proclaiming that I am the most wonderful girl he has ever met, that he's already totally fallen for me and that I am the "cure for his deadly poison." (WHAT?) He tacks on personality traits that he thinks I have and has made me out to be some kind of freakishly perfect goddess.

 

He basically has eliminated every girl it could possibly be except for me, due to the glaringly obvious, neon-sign hints he drops. "Just got dumped by her boyfriend," "werent close friends until very recently," "we text message all the time all of the sudden," "we've hung out in small groups a lot," "her ex is also a friend of mine and goes to my school."

 

Plus he keeps sending me texts saying "don't worry, you're still the most beautiful girl in the world," and staring at me for like 10 minutes at a time anytime we go out with friends. I would have figured it out long long ago even without the verbal confirmation.

 

Here's the big kicker though: in his note, he mentions that he has "spoken to this girl's ex about the possibility of dating her."

 

WHAT THE F. I specifically asked all of my friends to not mention anything about me to my ex. I need NC right now, and that is so disrespectful to me. PLUS, new guy said that in that note that he would take care of me and protect me because I was a delicate flower, and that the ex responded with, "you'd better shape the hell up. If you are not making her life better you are making it worse. If I find out you have hurt her in any way I will kill you. Have a nice day."

 

So not only has he breeched my trust, but he took something that my ex said about me in private and POSTED IT ON FACEBOOK FOR ALL TO SEE. So NC has been breeched two ways now: new guy has spoken to my ex about me and put my ex's words on facebook for me to see. I know it's not confirmed contact, BUT IT'S ENOUGH TO TURN ME INSIDE OUT. I am so angry.

 

Here is the draft I was originally going to send him:

 

"I cannot BELIEVE that you wrote to my ex about me, much less to ask permission to date me and protect me like I'm some kind of slab of meat. I don't care if this is some guy code. I asked you not to talk to him about me and you betrayed my trust. I do not see you in a romantic light and I am very upset that you have broken my trust."

 

After cooling down (a little), I wrote this draft:

 

"I figured out that your crush is me. I need to tell you right off the bat that I do not see you in that way. I must also restate my request that you not talk to my ex about me. I did not appreciate that you broke that promise."

 

Calmer... but either way, I want it to be short. I'm so keyed up and angry. I feel like I'm out of "When Harry Met Sally." CAN men and women really never be friends? Ugh. (Just kidding about that last part. I have male friends... I'm just really frustrated.)

 

Feedback would be wonderful. I do not need this right now with my ex coming to get his things tomorrow. I need to "end this" (haha, as if I can end something that hasn't even begun, right) with new guy RIGHT NOW, so I can go back to focusing on me.

 

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

[GoneButNotForgotten]

Ok, I will give the guy some credit. It is sort of a guy code to ask the ex. But that only really applies if they were friends to begin with. He broke your trust. He had no reason to be talking to the ex in the first place. More importantly he doesn't understand the concept of privacy. Anything posted on the web can come back to haunt you. I personally would go with something like this:

 

"(insert name of friend who confirmed the crush) told me that you had a crush on me. While I like the support I have found in you, I do not see you as more than a friend. It has been nice getting to know you better recently, but I do not have feelings for you. I am also extremely dissapointed that you would place information my ex said about me on the internet. I asked you not to speak with him at all in the first place. Airing it on the internet makes it even more disrespectful. You have lost a lot of trust with me."

[FeedingOnFever]

You are very good with words. I've incorporated parts I liked about what you said into my message... yeah, writing out of anger is usually not good =\

 

I guess I understand the guy code thing. It just bothers me, I guess, as a girl. Lost in translation... thanks for the reply though. I really needed the rant and the advice, and I appreciate it.

[SierraRose]

Girl, he sounds toxic. Honestly,after getting out of a LTR, give yourself time. Wait for what you deserve and not simply settle for what comes your way.

The whole Facebook/Myspace thing is childish and quite frankly, nothing but trouble. NC, with both ex b/f and toxic boy. Life will get better..