T-town Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Well I did suggest we exchange numbers, so obviously I gave mine first. /quote] Trust me, next time just ask for hers. Most, not all, of the time the girl is not going to make the first phone call. From your post you make it sound like you suggested getting together and then gave her your number...thus putting the ball in her court to make the first move. Sorry man it doesn't normally work that way. You have to show her you are confident person that isn't affraid to make the first move.
Author kashmir Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 Hell, I'm not afraid to make the first move, but I view this differently. The way I see it, I should offer my number first as a way to open up and show her trust. Then she should respond by giving me her number back, showing that she's willing to open up and trust me enough to give me her number. With her number, I would definitely call her first...but I can't do that without having it!
berrieh Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Hell, I'm not afraid to make the first move, but I view this differently. The way I see it, I should offer my number first as a way to open up and show her trust. Then she should respond by giving me her number back, showing that she's willing to open up and trust me enough to give me her number. With her number, I would definitely call her first...but I can't do that without having it! Just ask for her number and then call or text her right away (at that moment), so she has yours, too. It's not that hard. I prefer a guy ask for my number; in fact, when I "ask a guy out" (take initiative), I don't ask for his number... I ask him if he'd like to call me. Most guys will do the calling you right away thing (to check that the number works, to give you their number so you know who's calling/texting, and to be polite).
T-town Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Hell, I'm not afraid to make the first move, but I view this differently. The way I see it, I should offer my number first as a way to open up and show her trust. Then she should respond by giving me her number back, showing that she's willing to open up and trust me enough to give me her number. With her number, I would definitely call her first...but I can't do that without having it! This is how I interpret it, I am guessing she did too: This guy gave me his number, does he want me to call or exchange numbers or what? Is he scared to get my number. I'm confused so I am just not going to do anything. It's just a number, I don't know anybody that gives out numbers as a sign of trust. People aren't mind readers, I am sure she had no idea she was taking a trust test when you wrote her that message. Next time don't put the ball in her court...you may not of meant too...but you kind of did. Just be upfront and ask for the number. Worst case she says no...then curb her and move on to the next one.
Author kashmir Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 This is how I interpret it, I am guessing she did too: This guy gave me his number, does he want me to call or exchange numbers or what? Is he scared to get my number. I'm confused so I am just not going to do anything. This is kinda what I started this thread for, to receive insight on stuff like this. I have my own way of thinking and interpreting stuff, and 9 out of time times it doesn't fall in line with the way most people interpret something. I figured if she was interested, it wouldn't matter whether I gave my number or asked for her number. Don't you think an interested girl wouldn't let a bit of confusion stop her? I figured by even talking to her, she would know that I'm interested in her. You know what would be awesome? If I could go back to some of the girls that rejected me and ask them what was going through their mind. What I did weird that turned them off. Obviously that's not possible, but it would be an awesome resource. Some kind of a coach would be helpful, though. See, I have a condition from birth that inhibits certain aspects of my theory of mind, or the ability to get a sense for what others are thinking or intending. I don't know cues when it comes to friendships and relationships. I can call out a liar or analyze and pick apart someone's body language when it comes to debating or intellectual discussion, but when it comes to social interactions I'm pretty much blind.
Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 This is kinda what I started this thread for, to receive insight on stuff like this. I have my own way of thinking and interpreting stuff, and 9 out of time times it doesn't fall in line with the way most people interpret something. I figured if she was interested, it wouldn't matter whether I gave my number or asked for her number. Don't you think an interested girl wouldn't let a bit of confusion stop her? I figured by even talking to her, she would know that I'm interested in her. You know what would be awesome? If I could go back to some of the girls that rejected me and ask them what was going through their mind. What I did weird that turned them off. Obviously that's not possible, but it would be an awesome resource. Some kind of a coach would be helpful, though. See, I have a condition from birth that inhibits certain aspects of my theory of mind, or the ability to get a sense for what others are thinking or intending. I don't know cues when it comes to friendships and relationships. I can call out a liar or analyze and pick apart someone's body language when it comes to debating or intellectual discussion, but when it comes to social interactions I'm pretty much blind. Don't worry; I'm the same way. When people like me, I think they don't; when they seem to dislike me; they do. It doesn't help that my imagination overpowers the present moment you know?
berrieh Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 This is kinda what I started this thread for, to receive insight on stuff like this. I have my own way of thinking and interpreting stuff, and 9 out of time times it doesn't fall in line with the way most people interpret something. I figured if she was interested, it wouldn't matter whether I gave my number or asked for her number. Don't you think an interested girl wouldn't let a bit of confusion stop her? I figured by even talking to her, she would know that I'm interested in her. Confusion kills most dating before it can become a relationship. Confusion is the root of most problems that arise.
Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Confusion kills most dating before it can become a relationship. Confusion is the root of most problems that arise. YES! So sad, so true. How do people prevent it though... such a fine line between being overly mysterious and overly direct... guys like Kashmir can get away with being direct though, he's not a bad looking guy, he just needs some confidence.
carhill Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Don't worry; I'm the same way. When people like me, I think they don't; when they seem to dislike me; they do. It doesn't help that my imagination overpowers the present moment you know? My experience as a single guy was rife with reading women wrong. I thought they were interested due to their actions, but in reality they were just after an ego feed. Once that was achieved, they moved on to the next, more interesting (my interest made me uninteresting) target.
Isolde Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 My experience as a single guy was rife with reading women wrong. I thought they were interested due to their actions, but in reality they were just after an ego feed. Once that was achieved, they moved on to the next, more interesting (my interest made me uninteresting) target. I just don't understand why some women do that. I don't find it satisfying when a guy I'm not interested in likes me. If anything I just feel sad I don't feel the same way. I ONLY go on more than two dates if I've decided I'm really interested in a guy.
Yamaha Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Women base their interest on feelings and intuition. There is much more that goes on in the mind of a women than men when deciding if they like a girl.
Yamaha Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Amen, brother *bows* IT has taken me some time to figure that out. Women's attraction is different from mens. Men just don't understand that fact until they have been rejected several times and start to unscramble why they just can't get past the friends stage. Also men don't test women and lose their attraction if the answer is wrong.
alphamale Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Women base their interest on feelings and intuition. There is much more that goes on in the mind of a women than men when deciding if they like a girl. indeed....
Author kashmir Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 YES! So sad, so true. How do people prevent it though... such a fine line between being overly mysterious and overly direct... guys like Kashmir can get away with being direct though, he's not a bad looking guy, he just needs some confidence. Er, you remember what I look like? I had my pics up for like a day before I deleted them. Anyway, I always get the feeling that I'm sitting on a gold mine but I don't know it. I feel like I attract a lot of girls, but because I'm so elusive and mysterious they feel way too intimidated to show many signs to me...and if they do manage to show a sign I probably don't notice. I get this feeling because women who feel comfortable around me, either good friends or, believe it or not, older women, sometimes say really extreme stuff to me. My friend's girlfriend has gotten to know me pretty well, and now and then she'll make a plug saying how I'm attractive, and I just stand back and wonder, "waitttt, what did she say?" This one time I was with her and my friend and they started talking about me. One of them then said something like, "We've had this conversation a lot about what makes you so attractive to girls." I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure what I just heard. o_O Then at my old waiting jobs I'd get at least one woman a day who would say something flirty like, "Has anyone ever told you that you look like a movie star." Again, I'm just like o_O. So I don't know...something about me is clicking with girls, and based on what my friend said it's linked to my elusive and mysterious ways. See though, while I don't doubt that I'm a mysterious weirdo in some ways, deep down I'm just a sweet guy who wants to open up and be friendly. I feel like those two personalities conflict with each other though and just cause confusion in girls that I notice are attracted to me, which I pursue. Isolde is right. The main thing I need is self-confidence. I grew up a fat, ugly, and reclusive kid and teenager. Then I took initiative to change that, and I succeeded. Unfortunately, I sometimes still view myself as who I once was, despite my will to do the opposite.
johan Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Er, you remember what I look like? I had my pics up for like a day before I deleted them. You're more of a brownish color, right?
elaina Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I was reading all the posts and I forgot who said something like this, but basically, don't be afraid to tell a girl you like her and would like to get to know her better. If she says no, don't be mean or anything, just know that's her loss. That's how you should think about it, cause it's true. See? Confidence is a really cool thing. and yeah, always ask for her phone number... preferably in person! After you call her and when she feels comfortable, she will definitely call you for some "mindless chatter" lol
carhill Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 After you call her and when she feels comfortable, she will definitely call you for some "mindless chatter" lol Yeah, that's what all my female friends did.....for years... I've come to believe that the ones who get mad at me are the ones who are interested
Author kashmir Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 You're more of a brownish color, right? Yeah. I was reading all the posts and I forgot who said something like this, but basically, don't be afraid to tell a girl you like her and would like to get to know her better. If she says no, don't be mean or anything, just know that's her loss. That's how you should think about it, cause it's true. See? Confidence is a really cool thing. and yeah, always ask for her phone number... preferably in person! After you call her and when she feels comfortable, she will definitely call you for some "mindless chatter" lol But see, that attitude only works to a certain extent. When everyone is rejecting you, it becomes harder to say, "They're all losing out." It's easy to turn down something that no one else seems to want.
alphamale Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Women base their interest on feelings and intuition. There is much more that goes on in the mind of a women than men when deciding if they like a girl. let me add that a womans "feelings and intuition" are greatly swayed by a mans looks, personality, confidence and earning potential
berrieh Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 My experience as a single guy was rife with reading women wrong. I thought they were interested due to their actions, but in reality they were just after an ego feed. Once that was achieved, they moved on to the next, more interesting (my interest made me uninteresting) target. I've never acted interested in a guy I wasn't interested in. And a man's interest has never turned me off...nor have I heard anyone with the same complaint. Certainly not very many women over the age of 22 are turned off because they thought the guy was interested. I've often felt this is a myth men make up because they cannot accept that they were simply rejected. What more likely happened is the girl felt awkward and so gave a kneejerk response at first (seemingly interested), then realized she was wasting her time and effort because she wasn't interested. That's happened to me. Nothing to do with ego; you just kinda panic at first, not wanting to be like, "What? You're interested in me? No thanks" because that seems rude... It's hard to find tact at times.
elaina Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Yeah. But see, that attitude only works to a certain extent. When everyone is rejecting you, it becomes harder to say, "They're all losing out." It's easy to turn down something that no one else seems to want. True. I'm curious. Have you dated anyone from the university where you're attending before? Maybe the girls think you are unattainable? Maybe they as a group think that you are handsome, are interested in being friends, but no more...? One time there was this guy in my circle of friends who was so handsome! I didn't know it at the time, but he liked me, and I had no clue. He invited me to go out to eat with him and his friends once, but I told him I had to do laundry lol. (If I had known he liked me more than friends, I would have jumped at the invitation!!!) I didn't know though, cause he is friends with everyone and he didn't tell me he was interested in more than friends. Maybe girls, like this one who you liked, didn't know that you were interested in being more than her friend. Also, if you have not dated there at the university before, the girls have not seen you interact with a girl that you obviously like. Do you see what I mean please? So they have no idea how you treat any girl more special than any other.
Author kashmir Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 True. I'm curious. Have you dated anyone from the university where you're attending before? Maybe the girls think you are unattainable? Maybe they as a group think that you are handsome, are interested in being friends, but no more...? One time there was this guy in my circle of friends who was so handsome! I didn't know it at the time, but he liked me, and I had no clue. He invited me to go out to eat with him and his friends once, but I told him I had to do laundry lol. (If I had known he liked me more than friends, I would have jumped at the invitation!!!) I didn't know though, cause he is friends with everyone and he didn't tell me he was interested in more than friends. Maybe girls, like this one who you liked, didn't know that you were interested in being more than her friend. Also, if you have not dated there at the university before, the girls have not seen you interact with a girl that you obviously like. Do you see what I mean please? So they have no idea how you treat any girl more special than any other. Nope. Never dated anyone. There was one girl I spent a day with a few months ago, but that ended after 1 date. Like I said, I'm elusive. I'm usually not around girls. I'm either by myself or with my team. Until it got cold, I would go out every Friday night and play guitar and sing in the center of campus. After a few times of doing that, people started to recognize me more. Then one night I was really sad so I drank too much and went out and played by myself. I didn't do that well. It was really cold that night too so my fingers were numb and I was botching up. Since then I've been playing in the basement laundry room. Great acoustics in there. I mean, I'd LIKE to think that what you described is the case, where girls think I'm so cool and handsome that they don't even try, but I have trouble believing that.
carhill Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 What more likely happened is the girl felt awkward and so gave a kneejerk response at first (seemingly interested), then realized she was wasting her time and effort because she wasn't interested. How many dates did that take? I got to where I never wanted to meet any kids again... Likely the issue was my poor ability to discern healthy from unhealthy potentials.... ego feeding is a common unhealthy trait.
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 kashmir, if you don't give mixed or hesitant signals, you're not going to get them back. Sure, there's the odd girl who will play you for ego sake but overall, if you take charge, women will appreciate it. An example of alpha-ness from my last STR: He asked me out on initial accidental meeting. I turned him down more from reflex. Don't ask.He gave me his business card to call him any time. I was debating it but decided against it.He left me a dozen white roses the next day, with a card that said "why haven't you called yet?".I put my business card under his door with a thank-you note written on the back.He called as soon as he saw it.No hesitation. Total confidence. I knew he was interested!
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