Ok, he has contacted me, am i being used here?

[Your Favourite Smile]

To anyone who read my last thread..

The method of no contact has worked once again.

Does this mean he really does care about me?

 

Last week, my on-off relationship came to a stand still, as i was just fed up and he didnt open up to me about how he felt.. he said he couldnt take the relationship seriously at that time.. and i basically said that i had been left with no other choice but to leave.

 

After a few days of no contact, he has contacted me.

Ok, he was a lot more understanding this time round, there is a party on friday, and he wants to know whether we can have a chat then. I said to him if he wants to spend time with me there, thats fine, and he replied saying that he has all the time in the world.

Ok, so he could just be using me here.. ive felt used in the past by him- stringed along.

 

He says he doesnt want to lose me, yet he still thinks he cannot take the relationship seriously. Maybe as the relationship stands.. obviously its not something to be taken very seriously.. its a complete mess at the moment, thats true. But if he cant EVER take the relationship seriously.. then what exactly is this? Because im not some possession..

So yes, i told him that in order to sort things out, i cant do it if its one sided, so he then said he would talk to me on the friday..

 

Is this good enough?

 

I do want him back..

Ok.. im aware people assume im being used etc

But i love him, and if he still feels the same, and wants the relationship back on track (seriously) then... theres no problem... right??

 

Ergh..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lastly, apologies to anyone who doesnt agree with my Username, i will change it when im informed on how to do so.

[Geishawhelk]

I don't think "using" you is the right term.

he still wants the benefits of a physical relationship.But he still wants to be a player and not commit to anything with you.

He's made that clear.

You have to decide whether you like being a sideline, and are prepared to put up with that for as long as he wants it that way - or whether you are instead going to look to your happiness (not pleasure - HAPPINESS!) and stay dignified, strong and in charge of you.

He's bringing you pleasure.

But what you want, is Happiness.

And he won't dish it up any time soon.

 

"Survivorchick".....!

[BCCA]

He says he doesnt want to lose me, yet he still thinks he cannot take the relationship seriously.

 

This sounds like a disclaimer to me. He doesn't want to lose you entirely, he just wants you around under his terms, which don't seem to fit into what youre after. Are you talking Friday alone or at a party? Because, you dont want to go to a party with him, drink, and then end up sleeping over at his place, and going home without any resolution. THEN you would be getting used.

 

I would suggest talking alone before going anywhere with him. If he seriously wants to give it another go, I urge you to take it very slowly, and do not go right back to being together until youre sure he's serious.

[Your Favourite Smile]

Youre right..

 

I think im going to have to make a deal with myself here..

 

He makes me happy.. but he is changeable, if we get passed the stage of 'working things out' with a conversation face to face, and it goes rocky again, im going to have to quit all this and leave.

Because it isnt exactly fair him saying 'i dont want to lose you' at the same time as ' i dont think i can take this kinda relationship seriously at the moment'

 

But yeah, i suppose i might see his 'player' side at the party

Im very intrigued at what this talk will involve though, we havnt really had a long hard talk about the relationship before- this is a first.

 

 

Thanks for the advice, youre right.. i seek happiness

 

(and ill consider that name )

[Your Favourite Smile]

He doesn't want to lose you entirely, he just wants you around under his terms, which don't seem to fit into what youre after.

 

Thats how it feels at this moment in time.. im going to have to stand up for myself and say how i see things from my point of view..

 

Yeah.. good point, it is a party, however i can always arrange to talk with him alone.

 

Because, you dont want to go to a party with him, drink, and then end up sleeping over at his place, and going home without any resolution. THEN you would be getting used.

 

 

Ohh.. wouldnt that be horrible But yes i get the point.. and no, that will most definitely not happen.. definitely not.

 

 

If he seriously wants to give it another go, I urge you to take it very slowly, and do not go right back to being together until youre sure he's serious.

 

Thats exactly my plan. In a sense, i need some proof that he is willing to put that all important effort in.

 

 

Thanks for the advice, appreciate it

[9Lives]

What he means is that you are cool. He likes you and all but he wants "commitment-Free SEX". He wants to be free to do whatever he wants and you at the same time. You are a good person so he does not want to lose you all together. If you are looking for something like a good friend to have good sex...he's your guy.

 

I would fallback...LISTEN TO THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT HIS MOUTH.

He dont want a serious gf and Nothing you will say will change it. Maybe something you do...but not say. He is not trying to hurt you but he is definately going to do what he wants to do....It is up to you to decide is it going to be at your expense or not.

 

Peace

[Your Favourite Smile]

He dont want a serious gf and Nothing you will say will change it. Maybe something you do...but not say. He is not trying to hurt you but he is definately going to do what he wants to do....It is up to you to decide is it going to be at your expense or not.

 

 

Thanks, ill take this into account, and just listen to what he says.. im not up for being taken advantage of, and im not up for this if it isnt commitment based.

 

He likes you and all but he wants "commitment-Free SEX". He wants to be free to do whatever he wants and you at the same time. You are a good person so he does not want to lose you all together. If you are looking for something like a good friend to have good sex...he's your guy.

 

 

 

Ok, he is off the idea of commitment i agree, he just cant do it. (Although in the past he has been very keen on the idea of future plans etc)

 

As for sex, he cant get any here.. im a virgin

Which maybe asks, what exactly does he want from me?

[Your Favourite Smile]

Ok, i may be posting to myself here, but its an update from the party..

Besides, even if i am posting to myself, i can just put all this down and i may find it helpful to just read through it.

 

So, he approached me at the party, we went to the side and talked.

 

Asked how i was, told me he felt very guilty for what he had said in the past week, his friends had been messing his thoughts up.

He apologised more than once and said he wanted to stay with me forever. He told me just seeing me made him realise how much he missed me. He went quite deep into things, he told me that ive been the one to stick by him the longest in comparision to people he had been involved with in the past, and that he really appreciates it.

He told me that im the one who sees past his appearance (he is quite insecure about the way he looks) and that he really loves how unlike others (who apparently see him as ugly..fat) i just see past that and accept him. I responded to that with.. who says i dont like your appearance? I am personally attracted to him a lot, i wanted him to know that.

But i also told him he knows how i feel (i love him and want to be with him) and he says he doesnt think he has told me how he feels. He continued to say that he doesnt want to lose me and that im the one for him.

 

 

Ok...so party=alcohol.. right?

and we all know what alcohol does..

 

But to be quite honest, he looked pretty genuine to me..

He stayed with me most the night, reassuring me that he loves me.

 

 

 

Im wondering how other people see this, what he has said and whether he actually means it. I believe that he does..

But other people may think differently?

[Geishawhelk]

Actions speak louder than words.

 

if you want to give him another chance, that's obviously your choice.

But he'd better put his money where his mouth is.

 

Consistently.

Permanently.