My GF kids

[Loss 4 words]

My current girlfriend has 2 kids both under the age of 4 and their behavior is starting to get to me and is straining our relationship.

 

They oldest who is almost 4 is totally a terror. She doesn't listen to her mom or I when asked to do something, asks to go to the bathroom all the time (she is potty trained) and is just all around a terror most of the time.

 

The youngest who is 2 is almost jsut as bad. She is wicked attached to mom and screams and cries for hours on end until she gets to be with mom. She doesn't talk for the most and just follows around her sibling making messes and creating havoc.

 

With the two of them, they run around the house all day, making messes, not listening, and in short creating havoc.

I'm getting to my whits end with the misbehavior and the srtain it's causing on our relationship. I love her dearly but at what end do I step up and do something ??

 

Thanks

[Eve]

The children sound to me as though they have an unpredictable environment and are reacting in ways to consistently get the attention of their mother. Your presence could be partly be to blame. Personally I go with the theory that the step parent should not parent but instead be on hand to support the natural parent. I hope that it is just frustration you are sounding out because you do seem to be blaming the children rather than thinking of solutions which could help them to be more secure. What have you tried?I say help your Lady to ensure that the children have a solid routine, which includes plenty of trips to the park and visiting family and little people who are their own age. Make cooking and bedtime fun and foster in them a thirst for facts. Paint with them, encourage thei imagination and play music together. Children respond well to loving attention. Regards,Eve xx

[2sure]

To be very honest, they sound like typical close in age toddlers. Asking to go potty frequently, asking are where there yet, asking questions endlessly is what 4 years old do. When they are graced with a sibling when they are two or under, often they become even more of a handful as they vie for attention.

 

Have you never heard of the "Terrible Two's"? Well, in my experience the terrible may start at two but I thought threes and fours were even more challenging. Many many children do not talk until they are approaching 3 years.

 

It sounds like you have no children yourself, and it is possible that the single mom you love is overwhelmed and learning herself.

[Mary3]

To be very honest, they sound like typical close in age toddlers. Asking to go potty frequently, asking are where there yet, asking questions endlessly is what 4 years old do. When they are graced with a sibling when they are two or under, often they become even more of a handful as they vie for attention.

 

Have you never heard of the "Terrible Two's"? Well, in my experience the terrible may start at two but I thought threes and fours were even more challenging. Many many children do not talk until they are approaching 3 years.

 

It sounds like you have no children yourself, and it is possible that the single mom you love is overwhelmed and learning herself.

 

Agreed. At 4 they are not quite in school but clingy to mom. They create distraction and want Moms undivided attention.

 

The 2's o brother ! Thats a handful the terrible 2's. But they are also sweet and lovable.

 

Hey OP Hang in there another year it DOES get better. You have one almost in kindergarden and one that stepping into 3 . Don't give up !

[me4u2]

I agree with the PPs. It's the age and stage. It does get better but it's going to feel like a looooong road. Kids have to go through stages of development. Some of those stages are bratty, some are sweet, some are wild and testy, but we all went through the same thing with our parents.

 

Maybe you can talk to her about how she feels regarding discipline and the stage they are going through. She's most definitely overwhelmed herself and would probably welcome a discussion.

[Geishawhelk]

Bit of Child Psychology:

 

The older one is jealous of you.

She's doing two things: seeing how far she can push her luck, (establishing mum's boundaries) and attention seeking.

It's working, isn't it?

 

The younger one has just become 'spatially aware'. It's at this age that babies finally get the fact that they are not 'physically attached' to their mothers.

Before this, they have no concept or understanding of a separate entity called 'mother'.

Suddenly, they begin to realise that mum has a life and existence of her own.

So they strive to contain it in any way they can.

By manifesting a possessive insecurity.

 

The Bummer is that you've met these two temperaments at the same time.

[Loss 4 words]

Bit of Child Psychology:

 

The older one is jealous of you.

She's doing two things: seeing how far she can push her luck, (establishing mum's boundaries) and attention seeking.

It's working, isn't it?

 

The younger one has just become 'spatially aware'. It's at this age that babies finally get the fact that they are not 'physically attached' to their mothers.

Before this, they have no concept or understanding of a separate entity called 'mother'.

Suddenly, they begin to realise that mum has a life and existence of her own.

So they strive to contain it in any way they can.

By manifesting a possessive insecurity.

 

The Bummer is that you've met these two temperaments at the same time.

 

Yeah, the older one does test thge boundries quite a bit but it's like a never ending battle..lol...it's like she knows but doesn't care.

It's really nice to only have one at a time cuz they really are different when the otherone isn't around. They both listen and are really sweet kids.

 

More and more that the older one tries for attention, be it either negative or positive...more often than not it's negative she relishes more...she likes to be the center of attention and when we pay more attention to her sister, there she is, doing whatever she can do to make us pay attention to her...

 

The life and times of L4W continues....can wait to have one of my own.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Until you become official step-father you really can't do anything to discipline these children. Do you live together? You certainly have a say in your own house, but still you should approach momma first, not her children.

 

Good news is, if you do end up marrying the mother, you've been brought into the children's lives early enough to assume the role of disciplinarian. They will see you as a father figure and respect (or not, as children are wont to do) your rules.

 

For now, I'd just let momma know she has your support and you will do anything she needs from you during these tough child-rearing years.

 

(I'm probably going to be creamed for the 'marry' bit, but I've been there...a man who lives with mother is still just momma's boyfriend, and I figure if you can't sign off for medical treatment or even check them out of school, you don't have any business dishing out the discipline.)

[Geishawhelk]

Any attention is better than none, even if it's 'negative' attention.

"Reward" good behaviour.

"Ignore" bad behaviour.

 

Put her outside the room, (in a safe environment) and tell her when she decides to be a nice girl, she can come back in.

 

You can tell if a kid is 'acting' nice to manipulate her way back in. The minute she slips back to her old ways - out she goes again.

 

She'll learn that bad behaviour gets one response - one she doesn't like - and that honest, sincere good behaviour gets her the kind of result that is desirable.

[Loss 4 words]

Until you become official step-father you really can't do anything to discipline these children. Do you live together? You certainly have a say in your own house, but still you should approach momma first, not her children.

 

Good news is, if you do end up marrying the mother, you've been brought into the children's lives early enough to assume the role of disciplinarian. They will see you as a father figure and respect (or not, as children are wont to do) your rules.

 

For now, I'd just let momma know she has your support and you will do anything she needs from you during these tough child-rearing years.

 

(I'm probably going to be creamed for the 'marry' bit, but I've been there...a man who lives with mother is still just momma's boyfriend, and I figure if you can't sign off for medical treatment or even check them out of school, you don't have any business dishing out the discipline.)

 

 

No, we don't live together...at least not yet. She lives with her parents but i see her a couple times a week so the kids know that when i'm there that i'm not a push over...I always ask her before i enforce the rules...i've suggested a few different things as punishment but this day in age it would be considered abuse so those are out of the question....that's really a sore subject with me...since when are parents even not allowed to punish children for misbehavior...i'm NOT talking about abuse, but merely some old-school punishment for behavior... like bread and water or getting a switch from the yard....that's how my parents were brought up and they turned out fine.....

[Geishawhelk]

Physical punishment is abuse.

If you don't have enough patience, tolerance and intelligence to discipline a small, developping, defenceless child, without hitting them, then you shouldn't be in charge of children.

If you used a switch on an adult, they'd have you up before a judge before you could say, "hurts, don't it?"

It's assault.

What makes anyone think it's ok to hurt a person who is so much smaller, less capable, and completely unable to defend themselves or fight back, is beyond me.

 

This is why I brought up the points of 'Child Psychology'.

To help you better understand the kids, and deal with them on a level you're clear about.

 

It is behaviour manifested by adults too.

If you can't hit them with a switch, how would you deal with it?

[Loss 4 words]

Physical punishment is abuse.

If you don't have enough patience, tolerance and intelligence to discipline a small, developping, defenceless child, without hitting them, then you shouldn't be in charge of children.

If you used a switch on an adult, they'd have you up before a judge before you could say, "hurts, don't it?"

It's assault.

What makes anyone think it's ok to hurt a person who is so much smaller, less capable, and completely unable to defend themselves or fight back, is beyond me.

 

This is why I brought up the points of 'Child Psychology'.

To help you better understand the kids, and deal with them on a level you're clear about.

 

It is behaviour manifested by adults too.

If you can't hit them with a switch, how would you deal with it?

I'm not condoning physical abuse, not at all...esp on a defensless child. I KNOW that it's illegal now days,all i was doing was comparing todays society to those of yesteryear.

 

I do have the patience with children...very much so...I WOULD NEVER HURT A CHILD, MINE OR NOT!