AloneinTexas Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 So I had a date set up for myself in a week. I asked for the girls number and told her I would be calling her later in the week. She sent me this today: Hey Jack, I know I already said I would go on a date with you but the more I thought about it ..I would just feel werid going on a date with one of my best friends from high school. Thats just the type of gal I am. Sorry for the inconvenience. Christie ------------------------------ She asked me in a preceding message how I knew one of her friends. I told her I had dated her over a year ago and mentioned it was long distance and just didn't work out. The thing is that we are still friends. Do I have any recourse?
prettybaby Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Do I have any recourse? I'm afraid not. It really sucks that she did that, but the best you can do now is not even respond at all and never contact her again.
reservoirdog1 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 She's probably blowing you off, i.e. not interested. But nonetheless, I don't think I'd "not respond" -- in this context, that would seem pissy and hurt. So, what you should do is send her a totally breezy, upbeat email, something like "hey, no worries... don't want you to feel weirded out or anything. Take it easy... maybe we'll run into each other again!" If she's testing you or playing hard-to-get, or if there's still some interest there that she's not communicating, she'll read that and think you're confident and not into playing her games or chasing her. Which will make you more desirable. And if she's not interested, she comes away thinking you're confident and not all mopey, i.e. you're a man, not a pouty boy. Just my $0.02...
D-Jam Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I think if she's going to decide that you're not date-worthy because you two were friends in the past, then it's her loss to be honest. HOWEVER, you have to give her respect because she was honest with you. She didn't play games, or blow you off. All you can do is just walk away from this one. You can be friends if you want, but put limits on it. So if she suddenly runs out and dates some douchebag, don't be her crying blanket when it fails. Don't be her "easy guy" for when she needs one...like if she needs a date for her friend's wedding. If you know guys she might like, introduce them as a friend would, but also be watchful if she extends you the same courtesy. I personally think she passed up a possibility for something good, and is fooling herself if she thinks male friends can never be datable...based on how many close friends become lovers in this world. If she's got the "I need an air of mystery around him" as a requirement, then leave her be. She's set herself to probably get hurt a number of times now. Just make sure you're not set up to be her crying blanket, pseudo-boyfriend, backup plan in life, or last resort.
kashmir Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 So, what you should do is send her a totally breezy, upbeat email, something like "hey, no worries... don't want you to feel weirded out or anything. Take it easy... maybe we'll run into each other again!" The thing is, no matter how chill something you say might be, the girl will always interpret it as being needy or desperate if she doesn't like you. That's beside the point though. Who gives a rat's ass what this chick thinks anymore? Just forget her man.
Author AloneinTexas Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 you guys are confused. her email was meant to read she didnt wanna go on a date with me because I had dated one of her HS friends. the way she wrote it came out wrong. this is what i wanna write to her, let me know if its good I got your message and I can understand where you're coming from. I suppose if I were in your shoes, I may feel the same way. For what it's worth, your friend and I never got very serious so there wouldn't be any hard feelings coming from her. I had actually asked her if she was cool with this beforehand, as to not hurt her feelings, and she was very excited and receptive to it. We are still talk occasionally, as friends. The offer is still on the table if you change your mind.
Left in a Lurch Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 That reason doesn't add up. She might as well have said, "I love you so much I can't bear to ever be near you." She is not interested. Your best bet is to reply back that you just recently were talking with someone about the situation and thought the same thing. Tell her you came to the conclusion that dating someone that you got along with as friends would be a terrible idea, and you would much rather date someone you hated and would be divorced from in a couple of years. At least go down calling her on a crappy excuse that was lame enough to make you post it on here. She'll get the hint and maybe she'll be clear with the next guy.
Author AloneinTexas Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 basically, the girl i dated last year, whos her HS friend, is cool with us going out. she even gave me the go ahead. problem is, is that the girl that just shot me down thinks it would be wierd. ugh
kashmir Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 you guys are confused. her email was meant to read she didnt wanna go on a date with me because I had dated one of her HS friends. the way she wrote it came out wrong. this is what i wanna write to her, let me know if its good I got your message and I can understand where you're coming from. I suppose if I were in your shoes, I may feel the same way. For what it's worth, Lisa and I never got very serious so there wouldn't be any hard feelings coming from her. I had actually asked her if she was cool with this beforehand, as to not hurt her feelings, and she was very excited and receptive to it. We are still talk occasionally, as friends. The offer is still on the table if you change your mind. I wouldn't get into detail. Just tell her what reservoirdog said..."Alright, that's cool. It wouldn't go over so well with you feeling weird to start with, after all. Later!"
Left in a Lurch Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Ah, then that adds up. She was on the level, I think this is a pretty valid reason. Can't fault her for that. I would stay friendly with her.
D-Jam Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 you guys are confused. her email was meant to read she didnt wanna go on a date with me because I had dated one of her HS friends. the way she wrote it came out wrong. Well...I can see that as a valid reason then. I would be understanding in a masculine sense. My reply would have been: "Meh...I think you worry too much about it. That was the past. Thanks for the honesty though and I wish you luck in life."
elaina Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 "Meh...I think you worry too much about it. That was the past. Thanks for the honesty though and I wish you luck in life." That sounds perfect. Gentlemanly, masculine, and confident
Mary3 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 She friendzoned you. No recourse . No oxygen . No hugs or kisses. Dead in the water .
Author AloneinTexas Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 kashmir, i wrote word for word what you wrote. leaves the ball in her court (tho im sure its over anyways). i realized begging, pleading, or even saying that i onyl dated her friend a short while and it wasn't serious , probably wont do me any good. if she really wanted to know details before jumping to her conclusion of not wanting to go out, she could have. also, i dont think i was neccesarily friendzoned, just got rejected. she has since put her profile pic up of her and another guy. meh....
Mary3 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 kashmir, i wrote word for word what you wrote. leaves the ball in her court (tho im sure its over anyways). i realized begging, pleading, or even saying that i onyl dated her friend a short while and it wasn't serious , probably wont do me any good. if she really wanted to know details before jumping to her conclusion of not wanting to go out, she could have. also, i dont think i was neccesarily friendzoned, just got rejected. she has since put her profile pic up of her and another guy. meh.... Friendzoned means you will not have romance with her...
Perry Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 At least she let you know. Many do not do this. Thank her for that, at least.
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