jojobean Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I went on a few dates with a guy that I met through mutual friends. We have been around each other for the past year, but never really spoke until about a month ago. It was a whirlwind week. We were constantly texting and talking and went out 4 out of the 7 days of that week. He was extremely affectionate, cuddles, hand holding and a great listener. We just sat on the couch cuddling and talking for 8 hours one of the days. He would remember things that I said that were of no importance whatsoever. Very unlike me, but I did have sex with him the first night. After 7 days of this, he just distanced. He is very quick to respond if I contact him, but no contact is initiated by him. It is very frustrating because I want to know what changed? If he is not interested anymore, which is obvious, why won't he just tell me?
D-Jam Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I feel your pain. Women do it just as much to men. Makes me wish there was just a little more honesty out there.
Adamagnet Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Why do you assume lack of interest if he is responding to your messages?
Author jojobean Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Because it is just such a major shift from how things were going. He was gushing about how great I was, how I was everything he looked for blah blah blah, contacted me daily. It's been over a week and he has made no attempt to contact me, no mentions of ever meeting up again. I have initiated contact three times via text
stefspets Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Most people aren't really honest when they're not interested in someone. Don't like the confrontation of telling someone that, I suppose. Just don't contact him. If he doesn't try to contact you, then you can move on and find someone who is interested.
prettybaby Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Well it has only been 7 days. And he never fails to respond. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. If you really wanna test it, you could stop contacting him for a whole 2 weeks and see what he does. But I don't know, that's not necessarily the best approach. I also don't know how often you contact him. Perhaps he feels like, with the contact pace you're keeping, it's already enough contact all together, so no need for him to add more contact on top of it. Of course, I don't know the content of your texts and stuff, but, I don't think it's all that negative. And maybe he's busy? It's almost Christmas after all.
Author jojobean Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 He was even talking about future things, things that he will have to keep in his house for me. He even apologized one day when I went over because he didn't buy the soda I like when he went to the store that day!! I am not contacting him at all anymore. I just hate the confusion and not knowing WTF happened
katrik Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Try asking your mutual friend in a casual way...so you can know if something is realy wrong in his personal life.....
Author jojobean Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Try asking your mutual friend in a casual way...so you can know if something is realy wrong in his personal life..... The mutual friend is a guy that wants no part in it. Doesn't want to know anything about it. LOL One of the contacts I made was asking him if he wanted to do something over the next few days. He replied with "yeah, sure. Let me see if I'm on call at work and I'll let you know." Two days later he sends me a text saying he's sorry we didn't get together that work was crazy and to call him later. That's what sealed the deal for me that he was no longer interested.
Adamagnet Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 One of the contacts I made was asking him if he wanted to do something over the next few days. He replied with "yeah, sure. Let me see if I'm on call at work and I'll let you know." Two days later he sends me a text saying he's sorry we didn't get together that work was crazy and to call him later. Were you vague about the "something"? It's possible that he wants you to plan something if he had instigated all the other meetings. However, I'm sensing the FWB game plan on his end. Either way, we can't read minds, so don't assume the worst.
katrik Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 The mutual friend is a guy that wants no part in it. Doesn't want to know anything about it. LOL One of the contacts I made was asking him if he wanted to do something over the next few days. He replied with "yeah, sure. Let me see if I'm on call at work and I'll let you know." Two days later he sends me a text saying he's sorry we didn't get together that work was crazy and to call him later. That's what sealed the deal for me that he was no longer interested. I think its better for you to stop thinking about him. If I'm interested in a girl and if I had done all things you said, I WILL not text and ask you to call him later. Just forget about this guy I'm pretty sure he is going to come back strongly the same way he was, so he can have the same 7days and then will disapppear again..
Author jojobean Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Were you vague about the "something"? It's possible that he wants you to plan something if he had instigated all the other meetings. However, I'm sensing the FWB game plan on his end. Either way, we can't read minds, so don't assume the worst. I'm sorry if this comes off as naive, but what is the FWB game plan?
Geishawhelk Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 "Friend With benefit"... In other words, gerting together because you want sex, but there's nothing in it but mutual friendship and the want of a good...."ball".....
Author jojobean Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 "Friend With benefit"... In other words, gerting together because you want sex, but there's nothing in it but mutual friendship and the want of a good...."ball"..... That would have been fine with me if he didn't come on so strong at first. I have had those kinds of arrangements before, but we didn't cuddle and hold hands.
Mary3 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Its Booty Call for him now. He is not initiating contact. He has you doing that. He slept with you on the first night. Great sex + cuddling+ connection + handholding = does not equal a relationship or a future. It just means he got sex on the first night , after one week the magic wore off and now he's moving on to other conquests. Don't beat yourself over this. Next time don't sleep with a guy so fast. Leave him some mystery
belladonna Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 When a guy did this to me I ended up finding out he had been seeing someone else during that time (we hadn't had sex though). Just saying it's a possibility. You could send him a text saying "Text me sometime if you want to hang out" (or something to that effect) and then leave it. He could have just been playing you.
Mary3 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 When a guy did this to me I ended up finding out he had been seeing someone else during that time (we hadn't had sex though). Just saying it's a possibility. You could send him a text saying "Text me sometime if you want to hang out" (or something to that effect) and then leave it. He could have just been playing you. I do NOT recommend you text him to say : "hey lets hang out sometime" : Thats liken to saying " Lets have sex sometime " No hangouts , only dates he has called you to go out on. NO coming over and hanging out. A real date. Thats if you want to be treated like a lady and not a bootycall recipient.
belladonna Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 lol OK, bad terminology. I guess it's a phrase I use way too often. And this guy does sound kind of suspicious.
Isolde Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Hmm, he knows you've been trying to get to him--I agree, don't call again. I hope he calls you. Don't listen to people who say its your fault because you had sex with him. You really felt like you had a connection, and now he's acting weird. I mean, yeah, you rushed into it, but you shouldn't self-flagellate.
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