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He said I have a strong personality and I'm possessive. Curious minds want to know...

Star Gazer

By Star Gazer
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Is he right?

 

Jerky guy and I had been texting the past few days. Things were...as good as they could be. My wall was a thousand feet high, and he seemed a little intent on chipping away at it. Being cutesy, initiating conversations, etc.

 

Then last night, after I suggested to him that we must not feel the same way about each other because I look for opportunities to see him while he'd rather veg with his dog on the couch, he said that he doesn't think we're good in a relationship. While I actually totally agree (now, after all your thoughts :o), I wondered why he thought that way. Was it just a spark issue, or the like? So I asked.

 

He responded by saying that I have a strong personality and that I'm possessive. While I totally agree with the first part of his statement, the way he said it made it sound like having a strong personality is a bad thing. I think it's neither here nor there.

 

As for the latter part, I was really surprised. Possessive? ME? I'm curious how allowing him to be absent from my life for 3 weeks and not even pouting about it demonstrates possessiveness. Or was it because I asked where he went when he went out of town? :rolleyes: Does that simple question make me possessive?

 

Was he searching for excuses? Is he right?

 

He went on to say some more really insensitive, jerky things, that I won't be able to get past. For example, he explained that he knows I'm way more into him than he is into me (ouch, that was obvious - didn't need to be reminded!), and that the reason why he went ahead with blowjobs (really, he ASKED me to) in the past instead of sleeping with me was because he respects me (ha!) and didn't want to "hit it and quit it." I wanted to hit him where it hurts (if you know what I mean), but I refrained. Instead, I merely told him that asking me to give him head knowing full well how I feel about him and how little he feels for me "wasn't a very nice thing to do."

 

He responded by saying I had taken it too far, and that he's ending the conversation.

 

I'm so over this. But the "strong personality" and "possessive" comments are irking me.

Gremio Established Member

Gremio

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He sounds like an insensitive prick based on your story. Some people just like to make up stories as an excuse for their own insecurities.

DSM-IV Tom Established Member

DSM-IV Tom

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I for one could've done without the whole blowjob explanation section.

 

From the sounds of it, he has some self esteem issues and is portraying strength and confidence in place of insecurities. He is overcompensating. I would take everything he says with a grain of salt, because he clearly has issues.

 

Cut him off. You're only feeding his ego. Which is most likely extremely small. He sounds like the type of guy I'd laugh at to their face. Or knock out.

hotgurl Established Member

hotgurl

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sorry SG,

 

I don't think it is bad to have a strong personality. It can just overwhelm some people.

 

As for being possesive I don't know I wouldn't peg you as possesive.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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sorry SG,

 

I don't think it is bad to have a strong personality. It can just overwhelm some people.

 

As for being possesive I don't know I wouldn't peg you as possesive.

 

There may be parts of my personality that need some...adjustment...but I'm never going to be a meek person. So if strong personality is what I get called, so be it. I think he's looking for someone soooooooo laid back that they're verging on ambivalence.

 

I care too much, and perhaps it shows. What's funny is what I show here, and what I show to my girlfriends - he's NEVER seen it. My super-analysis and neurosis I keep to myself. I've been so easy-breezy with him that I've often wondered if he even really KNEW how into him I was.

 

Which makes the possessive thing is just...weird. He said it's because I send follow-up texts. We'll be in the middle of a conversation, back-and-forth, back-and-forth, and then he'll drop off. HOURS LATER I'll send another one.

 

For example:

Him: "Hey, watcha doing tomorrow?"

Me: "A little of this, a little of that. But my evening is free. Have something in mind?"

Him: "I was thinking we should go see that new movie."

Me: "That sounds fun. What time are you thinking? There's an 8 and a 9 showing."

HOURS later...I'll send again: "I think the 8 would be better, ya?"

 

That last text - apparently THAT "demonstrates possessiveness." HOW?! What am I missing here?

 

After 5 months of dating I can't send a damn follow-up???

 

:rolleyes:

frd150 Established Member

frd150

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Wow, If ambivalence is he wants then maybe he should stick with the dog. Hey, if all he wants is a BJ then maybe he can slap some peanut buttter on or around the part where his bathing suit covers. Hows that for possesive?

 

Star, I see nothing possesive in the text and a strong women should never scare a confident guy.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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SG, check out this post of yours from another thread. He felt smothered in his previous relationships and now you're possessive. Do you see the pattern?

 

Btw, yes, you are a strong personality. Big deal.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1783129&postcount=12

 

He has said that in previous relationships he felt smothered. He's also said that he likes to let time take its course, and not rush into anything. He keeps it all close to the vest.

 

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Wow, If ambivalence is he wants then maybe he should stick with the dog. Hey, if all he wants is a BJ then maybe he can slap some peanut buttter on or around the part where his bathing suit covers. Hows that for possesive?

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Holy hell, that was funny. THANK YOU!!!

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

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For example:

Him: "Hey, watcha doing tomorrow?"

Me: "A little of this, a little of that. But my evening is free. Have something in mind?"

Him: "I was thinking we should go see that new movie."

Me: "That sounds fun. What time are you thinking? There's an 8 and a 9 showing."

HOURS later...I'll send again: "I think the 8 would be better, ya?"

 

That last text - apparently THAT "demonstrates possessiveness." HOW?! What am I missing here?

 

After 5 months of dating I can't send a damn follow-up???

 

:rolleyes:

 

How in the world are you supposed to know when you're going to the movie if you don't firm up a time?

 

This guy is just a jerk. And be proud of your strong personality! Us women don't all have to be meek and mild. ;)

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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(Nevermind.)

norajane Established Member

norajane

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SG, check out this post of yours from another thread. He felt smothered in his previous relationships and now you're possessive. Do you see the pattern?

 

Btw, yes, you are a strong personality. Big deal.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1783129&postcount=12

 

Exactly. It's all about perspective, and his perspective is skewed on the side of thinking you're possessive if you do and ask for things that other people think are perfectly fine in a relationship.

 

Howevah, and please don't take offense, but I think you're a bit of a doormat, strong personality notwithstanding.

 

Why were you talking to this guy again, after the hot friend comment? Why were you talking to this guy again, after he dropped off the face of the earth for 3 weeks, and then came back with the "it doesn't matter now, does it?" comment?

 

Why, Star? What were you thinking was going to happen here - that he would magically become a more decent guy? Why do you put up with bad behavior and then keep giving them a second, third, fourth chance each time they behave badly?

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Howevah, and please don't take offense, but I think you're a bit of a doormat, strong personality notwithstanding.

 

Why were you talking to this guy again, after the hot friend comment? Why were you talking to this guy again, after he dropped off the face of the earth for 3 weeks, and then came back with the "it doesn't matter now, does it?" comment?

 

Why, Star? What were you thinking was going to happen here - that he would magically become a more decent guy? Why do you put up with bad behavior and then keep giving them a second, third, fourth chance each time they behave badly?

 

:lmao:

 

I am (er, am working on WAS) a doormat, which makes the whole "possessive, strong personality" thing funny - at least coming from HIM, the guy walking all over me! :laugh:

 

I don't know why I was talking to him again... really. :o Perhaps I was thinking he'd magically change. I really do know better now. :)

Geishawhelk Established Member

Geishawhelk

Posted
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I am (er, am working on WAS) a doormat, which makes the whole "possessive, strong personality" thing funny - at least coming from HIM, the guy walking all over me!

 

That explains it.

 

The Pendulum effect.

 

If you take hold of a pendulum and pull it up to one side, then let go, it doesn't come to an immediate halt in the middle.....

 

It swings right up in the opposite direction. Almost to the same level as the one you dropped it from.

 

That's what may have happened here...

You've gone from doormat to assertive......s-w-i-n-g!!

allina Established Member

allina

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I think that by always being there for these guys when called upon you might give off a possessive/needy vibe. I think because you put yourself out there for these guys it makes them feel like you really want them, want to be with them.

 

Like this latest guy. He disappears for weeks with no word and decides to talk to you. You're there, he can pick up where he left off with you. He answers your question about where he has been in a very rude, disrespectful way, no problem for him you're still there, he isn't losing his chances with you. He makes the comment about your friend, followed by the rude comment "not like I said I wanna f*ck her" and he remains in your life, you still talk to him.

 

You've done this before SG, gotten men to the point where they themselves are shocked that you're still speaking to them. I remember one guy even telling you "I can't believe you're still talking to me."

 

Men know that most women do not tolerate this type of sh*t and that most women would never speak to a man again after he pulled this stuff. When you do they must think "wow she is so in to me, she wants me bad."

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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I don't think your guy has been right with most of the things he has said or done- meaning I don't think this latest accusation holds any truth anymore than anything else he has said.

 

It seems he does a lot of deflecting and projecting.

 

I don't see anything you're doing as being possessive. Maybe a little too nice to someone that doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve- but it seems you're sorting that out and getting on track with that.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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This guy's a runner and a weenie. THAT is all!

IrishCarBomb Established Member

IrishCarBomb

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Jerky guy and I had been texting the past few days.

 

He responded by saying that I have a strong personality and that I'm possessive.

 

Was he searching for excuses? Is he right?

 

You probably aren't controlling or possessive, but you are a glutton for punishment if you keep in contact with this guy.

 

No accurate assessment of either of you will come out of it. There will be no epiphany where he divulges some secret vital to your own greater self-actualization. There is no point in talking to him, as much as you'd probably like to.

 

I'm bit surprised you gave his words any credibility at all.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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You've done this before SG, gotten men to the point where they themselves are shocked that you're still speaking to them. I remember one guy even telling you "I can't believe you're still talking to me."

 

I don't remember that?

 

Men know that most women do not tolerate this type of sh*t and that most women would never speak to a man again after he pulled this stuff. When you do they must think "wow she is so in to me, she wants me bad."

 

I agree that they probably have thought that, even this guy. He had said to me, "I don't get you," and in all honesty, I think THAT's exactly what he was thinking.

 

You probably aren't controlling or possessive, but you are a glutton for punishment if you keep in contact with this guy.

 

I'm bit surprised you gave his words any credibility at all.

 

Glutton for punishment, yes.

 

As for credibility... I guess I'm just always looking for where I am going wrong. When he said I had a strong personality, I agreed - so coupling that with the possessive part I wondered if perhaps he had some keen insight that I had been missing.

goodmorningtowakeup Member

goodmorningtowakeup

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i wish i could find a girl who had a strong mind...for realss....it hurts so much to be the smarter more UNDERSTANDING of life person, and that pain is the pain of being with someone who would rather do nothing and be content living like a slouch...

 

im sure your awesome.

 

do whatever it takes to realize that being with someone dumber than you is the worst possible idea you could conjure...

 

unless you are ready to hit yourself with a hammer in order to get rid of those pesky brain cells.

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