lonelygurl Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I wish there was a fast forward button to end this unbearable pain. I'm barely eating or sleeping. The ache is unbearable. I can't function at all. I just feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out. I feel constantly sick to my stomach and just out of it. Last night all my dreams were about him. I woke up in a terrible state thinking about how I just wish I were dead. My already severe depression is much worse. I just don't think I have the strength to go on anymore. He sent me an email yesterday telling me he still loves me and really cares for me but with my depression getting worse he just couldn't take it anymore. He hopes that this will give me the time to work on myself and and that he's not going anywere. FFS. If he's not going any place why didn't he stay here and work through this with me. Why didn't he talk to me about it rather than just leaving a note and sneaking out at 4:30 in the morning. I still have to get all of his stuff out of the house and I just can't even function. How do people get throught this?? What do you do to help lessen this unbearable pain and thoughts. Why do people tell you they still really love you but leave you. Why don't they stay and work on the relationship?? What has happened to the in sickness and in health for better or for worse???? HELP!!!! :sick::sick:
northstar1 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I wish there was a fast forward button to end this unbearable pain. I'm barely eating or sleeping. The ache is unbearable. I can't function at all. I just feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out. I feel constantly sick to my stomach and just out of it. Last night all my dreams were about him. I woke up in a terrible state thinking about how I just wish I were dead. My already severe depression is much worse. I just don't think I have the strength to go on anymore. He sent me an email yesterday telling me he still loves me and really cares for me but with my depression getting worse he just couldn't take it anymore. He hopes that this will give me the time to work on myself and and that he's not going anywere. FFS. If he's not going any place why didn't he stay here and work through this with me. Why didn't he talk to me about it rather than just leaving a note and sneaking out at 4:30 in the morning. I still have to get all of his stuff out of the house and I just can't even function. How do people get throught this?? What do you do to help lessen this unbearable pain and thoughts. Why do people tell you they still really love you but leave you. Why don't they stay and work on the relationship?? What has happened to the in sickness and in health for better or for worse???? HELP!!!! :sick::sick: I'm sorry to hear you are in pain, I think most of us have been there. People make choices in life we can't always understand or want to believe but now that this has been done, you need to accept it as the reality right now and do what is best for you. A few things: You need to eat, even if it's a bit - you need to have strength Get of the house as much as possible, go for walk, visit friends, go to a bookstore, coffeehouse, just don't sit around. Have you thought about seeing a therapist? They have helped many.
lofi_tokyo Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Heya Lonelygurl, I know quite a few people that have been in a relationship where one of the parties suffers from depression, and in every case, I've seen both parties, both the person that is depressed, and the significant other, suffer. I also suffer from depression - and I saw it taking its toll on my previous relationship. I just wanted my ex to help pull me out of the abyss I seemed hopelessly trapped in. But you know, I began to realize that nobody but me could really save me from myself. Yes, having my ex there was wonderful, but it was my own will power that got me through the grunt of my depression. Now, my ex found another woman long after I had become happy again, so depression in the end was not a killer in our relationship... but! Two of my very close friends both dated people with depression. Both of them just couldnt handle the weight of feeling like that could never ever make their SO's happy. They tried so so so hard, and they loved their ex's incredibly much, but the fact that they could not make things right just killed them inside. So they left. Both of them desperately hoping that with time, their ex's would heal, and someday they could go back to their SO's and be happy, because they never stopped loving them. This sounds like what is happening with your ex. He loves you a lot. Maybe it seems like he doesn't, because he is not holding your hand and helping you get through the worst time of your life - but understand that he is hurting too. I think he has come to the realization that you also need to make which is: you need to start seeking happiness for yourself, without the help of others, you need to find strength from within. I know it is hard, believe me I know, but if you really want your man back, you need to do this for yourself. Become the wonderful woman your ex clearly has faith you can be. See this breakup as an opportunity to become a stronger woman, as an opportunity to experience love with your ex like you never have before. Do not let it drag you down. If your ex is saying he still is there for you, but you need to sort your issues out, then sort them out! You can do it!
Author lonelygurl Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Thank you Northstar. I have been trying to get out and do stuff. Little bits of distraction. Been watching a lot of movies. Still not eating really, just feel sick all the time. I actually am seeing a therapist and in the midst of two pyschriatrist's. One has referred me to an anxiety specialist. I wish there was something more to do. We discussed hospitalization, but thought I'd better off at home, but it's not working out well. tokyovogue thank you so much for all your words of wisdom. What you say is very true. My X also suffers from depression, so the two together make it hard. Something in me snapped and I've had trouble getting a "grip". I have gone against the advice of my pdoc's and X and took a job, this seems to have made me go backwards. The severe anxiety I was experiencing was making it hard for me to function and our relationship was suffering. I had talked with my therapist at length about leaving my job and working on repairing the relationship. At one point I wondered if I wanted to continue with the relationship, but decided I love him too much and wanted/want it to still work. Hence the decision to try repairing it. I guess I kept avoiding ,or waiting for the right time for us to discuss it. We never did. I have told him now, but it may be too late. He agreed to meet with me, but has cancelled and rescheduled. Whether it will happen or not I don't know. He also feels a lot of stress in regards to my children. I have suggested counseling for all of us to try to work on fixing our relationship. I can only hope with time it will happen. I hope to meet with him to talk about it, give him some space while I continue with my group and one on one therapy and hopefully have our relationship back to where it was. Thank you for your replies and great advice!:)
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