tincanman99 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I had been dating this girl a while ago. Went out a bunch of times and she flaked out on me. Disappeared without a trace so I cut off all contact with her. In the last month or so I have run into her a few times with each time escalating in contact. The first time she just appeared. Since than it has escalated from just running into you and not speaking to hi, to now asking me how I am. Until she spoke I did not even speak to her if I saw her. I keep it short and to the point and am cordial but thats all. I know she was dating other guys but honestly I dont like the way I was treated. Just disappearing is unacceptable behavior in my book. I will be honest its kind of annoying me now that she is doing this. Though I found her cute I find it difficult to make the leap from not talking at all to chatting with her now. What does she want? Did her other guy fire her?
berrieh Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 She probably doesn't want to date you, but she figures enough time has passed to exchange pleasantries if she sees you in public... She didn't call you, right? Sounds like she did The Fade before, rather than tell you she wasn't interested.
Author tincanman99 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Where she appears she shouldnt be. She has no reason to be there. And she could very easily avoid me if she chose too. I have no desire to exchange pleasantries. Go jump off a bridge. It wasnt so much as a fade as poof gone . Even when I was seeing her she barely returned calls. Its all about pursuing her. She made you work for it.
clapyourhands Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 eh, she doesn't sound very interested. true, girls should keep up a chase for as long as possible but to just disappear like that speaks volumes. it's also very immature to behave that way. her interest level was and is probably at a 40% level.. not enough to keep her around.
JohnnyBlaze Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Assuming you want to maintain NC, cordial might be too friendly. Try civil instead. If she asks how you're doing, don't go with the polite response of "fine, thanks. And you?". Simply say "fine, thanks". If you can answer any question she poses with a simple "yes" or "no", so much the better. Don't leave an opening for a conversation. Sooner or later, she'll catch on to the idea that you have no interest in her anymore and she'll eventually get bored and leave you alone.
Author tincanman99 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 What I am saying is why has she reappeared? What does she want? There is literally no reason for her to come around where I am. You cant possibly want to be friends after treating someone like the way she did. Doormat I am not. This is not somebody I went out with a few times, I was friends with this person and went out with her about 8 or 9 times till she totally disappeared. I just find the whole thing very odd.
Author tincanman99 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Assuming you want to maintain NC, cordial might be too friendly. Try civil instead. If she asks how you're doing, don't go with the polite response of "fine, thanks. And you?". Simply say "fine, thanks". If you can answer any question she poses with a simple "yes" or "no", so much the better. Don't leave an opening for a conversation. Sooner or later, she'll catch on to the idea that you have no interest in her anymore and she'll eventually get bored and leave you alone. Or I could throw away cordial and friendly and just not respond if she speaks. That would do it.
Gremio Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Or I could throw away cordial and friendly and just not respond if she speaks. That would do it. You seem argumentative, as if you already know the answer. I've gone through the same thing. Woman called and texted me everyday, we spent time together, slept in the same bed, then she disappeared. I saw her once after that and I got a read that was acting different, it didn't feel the same. Never talked to her since. The funny part was she changed her status on a social site and mentioned my name (in a positive way). I resisted the temptation to reach out to her or reply.
Gremio Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I gave you my own story that just happened to me two weeks ago and she is still on my mind today. I would suggest you do the same thing I did.
bubblegum Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Gremio raises a good question: why are you still thinking about her and not just blowing her off?
D-Jam Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I dont like the way I was treated. Just disappearing is unacceptable behavior in my book. I will be honest its kind of annoying me now that she is doing this. Like we saw in another topic, there are mature members of humanity and then immature ones. She is an immature one. She believes whatever actions she takes that make it easiest on her are the right ones...even if you get hurt or offended by them. What does she want? She's hoping for one or a few things: No conflict from you. That you won't call her out on her behavior.Backup guy in case her current lust target doesn't work out and/or she's got no other options for a date.Attention. She likes when guys pursue her.
Author tincanman99 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Like we saw in another topic, there are mature members of humanity and then immature ones. She is an immature one. She believes whatever actions she takes that make it easiest on her are the right ones...even if you get hurt or offended by them. What does she want? She's hoping for one or a few things: No conflict from you. That you won't call her out on her behavior.Backup guy in case her current lust target doesn't work out and/or she's got no other options for a date.Attention. She likes when guys pursue her. I understand that it is immature and childish. Thats fine but just leave me alone. In terms of what she may want, I dont get it. There has been no conflict and no nastiness. I just disappeared after she didnt return my calls. Not much to say. Backup guy? I cant see this as I dont have any kind of relationship with this person. That would imply I am talking with her which I am not. The attention, well right now she is not getting any. Does she figure that by continually doing this I will break down and start chatting her up again? Because I cant see this happening. Like I said maybe I am dense. The only thing that bothers me is now she has taken carte blanche to just come and visit me.
berrieh Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 What I am saying is why has she reappeared? What does she want? There is literally no reason for her to come around where I am. You cant possibly want to be friends after treating someone like the way she did. Doormat I am not. This is not somebody I went out with a few times, I was friends with this person and went out with her about 8 or 9 times till she totally disappeared. I just find the whole thing very odd. Is she coming around your house, or is it a public place? Is she there solely to talk to you, or is she doing other things? Maybe she does have a reason to be there, and it's got nothing to do with you.
D-Jam Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I understand that it is immature and childish. Thats fine but just leave me alone. In terms of what she may want, I dont get it. There has been no conflict and no nastiness. I just disappeared after she didnt return my calls. Not much to say. Backup guy? I cant see this as I dont have any kind of relationship with this person. That would imply I am talking with her which I am not. The attention, well right now she is not getting any. Does she figure that by continually doing this I will break down and start chatting her up again? Because I cant see this happening. Like I said maybe I am dense. The only thing that bothers me is now she has taken carte blanche to just come and visit me. I think this experience is new to you, so I'll break it down on how it's happened to me in the past. I can see you wouldn't be apprehensive on her as you more or less moved on when she vanished on you. However, she's not you and doesn't know you very well. She sees you around the area and thus feels compelled to be friendly because she knows what she did. She knows she blew you off, and she knows she is the "bad person". Her fear is you calling her out on it. She's trying to be nice to you hoping you won't bring up the fact that she blew you off and thus she can cowardly carry on with her life thinking she can act the way she does and get away with it. In the end, I don't think you should bring it up unless she gets annoying. Just tell her then she blew you off and you were fine with "going our separate ways", but she's all now trying to be "buddy buddy" with you when you would rather she leave you alone and not know you. In terms of a "backup guy", this is what I've seen some women do. They would flake out on me and blow me off like yours did, but then when I see them down the road they're all "HEY YOU! I miss you. We gotta get together and catch up sometime." That or they vanish and I see said girl with a new guy, but when it falls apart suddenly she's all chatty with me again. I have had some who came back years later. They got knocked up and abandoned by the douchebags they choose to get with...and then suddenly tell me how they "always loved me" and wanted to be with me. I rejected them all because I knew better. They were down on their luck and were trying to make me a "last resort" since the guys they really want won't have them now. As for the attention thing, I have noticed women who act the way yours do are attention whores. They like it when you're all into them, but they back off when yo show them interest...yet when you aren't giving them attention they're all on you. I really don't know what the case is with your woman, but these are my experiences with women who blew me off the way yours did. In any case, I personally think this woman blew her chances of having you in her life...be it friends or more...and thus you don't have to be nice about it or anything. If she's annoying you now with this "friendly" thing...then tell her politely you don't respect her because of the flake out and ask her not to talk to you ever again.
Author tincanman99 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 I have never had anyone just disappear. Its totally new to me. Usually you get the speech. Which is fine. Frankly, my annoyance is rapidly turning into hostility. Stay away from me. I dont want to talk to you, interact with you, be your friend or have anything to do with you - I want NOTHING. Leave me alone and go away. I think I made a mistake the other day saying hi to her after she spoke to me. I should have said nothing. I will not talk to her again. If she persists she may get a nasty comment along the lines of what happened did your guy dump your sorry butt or that since you are a whore and a slut go ply your wares somewhere else. The mentality is fascinating - you treat someone like crap and now its supposed to be ok?
D-Jam Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I suggest your first attempt be a polite, but stern word to her that because of her past behavior, you do not wish to know her socially. Let her make up excuses of how "we weren't dating" or whatever copouts she tries to pull...but you simply say "I don't care how you looked at it, you were rude to me and I don't want people like that in my life. Take care of yourself and goodbye." Don't go uncivil until she pushes you there. In the end you showed respect and maturity while she still shows her immaturity.
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