shesmiles Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I dated this guy for almost three years - we broke up this past august. We had literally been through everything, We broke up many different times before this break up, but they were nothing that serious, he cheated on me six months into the relationship but I didn't find out until a year later when we had another dumb little break up and I 'tricked' him into admitting to me that he cheated with a girl that I had suspected from before but never really owned up to asking him about it, that was my bad. I was really hurt and then I told him if there was anything else I needed to know that he should tell me, And yes there was one more girl he cheated on me with. Nothing serious though (Kissing) but then again what's the difference, Cheating is cheating at the end of the day. I forgave him and we continued dating, we had some good times we were together all the time - everyday after school I was at his house. I loved his family as if they were my own, His sister and I had a great friendship that I cherished. His mother loved me as if I was just another one of her daughters, and I cherished that as well.He had met most of my family, been upnorth to my dads house with me. I had been there for him when his nonno passed away, and I know he was very appriciated by that. We thought we'd get married eventually, we knew we'd be eachothers highschool sweet hearts we'd talk about telling our ' grandchildren ' how we met in highschool ... we had out future pretty much figured out, he was my bestfriend and my boyfriend for three years. he knew everything about me, and even after he was unfaithful I still had so much trust for him.We broke up this past august because I wasn't feeling happy anymore, I think it's because we had been so close for the past three years I just needed space, I needed ' out ' for the mean time ...so we broke up and I did something that wasn't very smart. I started dating someone not even a week later: I guess my way of getting over him? I never had a rebound before. The new guy and I lasted almost three months until one day I came upon Videos and photos of my ex and I ... I was crushed it was so hard to hear his voice and see us together, It made me open my eyes to reality.. I wasn't over him, infact I lied to myself for three months and did a good job at that, I was still head-over-heels for him..at the same time this all happened I was told he had sex with one of my ' girls ', it didn't hurt me at first, until now. I broke up with my ' rebound ' and then decided I would contact my ex to see where he was with all of this. He did not seem happy to hear from me at all, he was rude and told me it was done and he had nothing for me anymore, I was nothing to him and he wanted nothing to do with me... There was no future for us, not even as friends.. That crushed me but I continued texting him, Joked with him a bit and mentioned some old nick names we had for eachother, I could somewhat tell he wanted to budge but he was standing to strong so he texted me back and would say some hurtful things. He told me ' this ship has sailed so you can go back to your new man now '. I'm guessing he's very hurt, I also told him I cheated on him when we broke up just because I hoped he'd never try and messege me, so when I texted him I told him that I lied and it never happened and he said well ' you told me, I believed it and now it's too late'? he's also a very stubborn person just like myself ... I don't know what to do at this point, I've sent him a messege saying I'm done bothering him, I'll leave him alone.. I wished him a good life, but now I have no motivation, I feel like If I bugged him just a little more we could of been talking right now and sorting things out... I feel as if he wants me to contact him he's just being stubborn . I've been having ' morning ' dreams of us ... good memories of us laying down together and kissing saying we ' love eachother ' and memories up at my dads, swimming together and going for walks, holding hands and falling asleep together.. why is this happening now? this is where I am left lost and confused on what to do with my life.
justletgo07 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Your situation sounds incredibly similar to mine, except that I'm in your ex-boyfriend's shoes, and my exgf hasn't started dating anyone yet (that I know of). We dated for almost 3 years as well, I was unfaithful in the beginning of the relationship (which ended up tearing me to pieces). We had a lot of great times, but we also argued a lot, and broke up several times, although never for very long. At the end of September, she decided that she had had enough, and broke up with me. We ended up hooking up repeatedly during the weeks that followed, until I got the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line from her. I tried to be cool, calm, and friendly with her after this, but I couldn't handle it, and cut contact with her about 25 days ago. Right now, I would do just about anything to have her come back the way you are, but in a few more months, I imagine I'll be a lot less open to the idea. This has been, by far, the most painful break up I've ever experienced. I'm absolutely crushed, and I'm getting to the point where I just want the pain to stop. I imagine your ex has already reached that point, so I imagine that you will have your work cut out for you. If you really, truly want him back (and I can't stress enough how sure you need to be) you need to SHOW him. When you broke up with him, you destroyed all of his trust in you, and by starting another relationship a week later, you just added insult to injury. He hasn't asked you not to talk to him, or never to contact him again, so I wouldn't give up if you really are serious. Honestly, he likely feels like he was dragged through the mud by you, and likely wants to see some self-sacrifice on your part as a demonstration of how serious you are about wanting to get him back. I'm not by any means saying you should lower yourself or beat yourself up, but you do need to acknowledge your mistakes, and make a powerful gesture. If you're stubborn, prove to him you're willing to not be if that's what it takes to get him back. You gave up after texting him. Texting means nothing. People hide behind text messages. All the dumpees on this site are often advised not to jump just because the ex appears to have a change of heart, because oftentimes, it is because they are just lonely or bored. We all get advised that if your ex actually wants you back, they will "move mountains" and be "beating down your door" trying to get you back. Go move some mountains. If you truly want him back, you're going to have to. You may never get him back. That's the price you pay for breaking up with someone, even if, at the time, it was for the right reasons.
Author shesmiles Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 He did tell me not to contact him anymore and he wanted nothing to do with me, he says there is no future for us not even as friends. I feel as if I could leave it be and when he's truly ready he can come to me? because he knows now that I never cheated. I'll let him have his fun and when he's ready he can come to me and if I'm still open to being with him then I guess things will work out from there.
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