A Quick, non-desperate question

[Mikey Action]

Got a question I've posted some help for other so maybe I can get an answer from an outside set of eyes?

 

My GF of 2 or so years and I broke up after a monster fight around 3 months ago.

 

We fought for a week straight, both wound up totally drained, then at the end she basically walked away to be "alone". She said she hasn't been very happy the past year with me and she couldn't tell me. I got the "I need to sort out my life" line.

 

We stayed in semi-regular contact throughout the time apart, every week or so, texts and calls, I got a couple "I miss you's" early on. She sent me a small gift, concert tickets she wasn't going to use around two weeks after we split. Very nice of her.

 

It took her around two months to give my stuff back and I had to call and yell at her, tell her we weren't friends etc. to get her to give it back. The day after the convo re: my things I tried to get back together with her. she got upset and told me that it hasn't been enough time and yelling at her earlier didn't help. Fair enough.

 

When I tried to get back with her it was a "lets be cool and see what happens, second chances" kind of way. I was serious, maybe it came off wrong though, who knows how women interpret things?

 

She says she's happy by herself, and is just enjoying going out with her friends, working and hanging out with her family and she wants me to be happy too. very nice.

 

I don't think she's dating anyone else. When I've asked she's insistent that she's alone and I believe her. She stopped asking me if I was dating after she asked if I was dating around and I said I was because, well, I am.

 

She does not call me. But when I call her, she picks up and if she misses the call, she calls me back, the same day, like when she gets home from work. Then she'll fill me in on why she missed my call and ask me what I've been doing, tell me so and so from her family says "hello" talks to me for 30-90 minutes like nothing happened at all. If I catch her when she's out and about with friends she'll tell me she's busy, then sometimes text me back to say goodnight when she gets home.

 

I started to hang around a couple of her friends sometimes and I don't talk to them about her at all, just be mellow and hang out and enjoy myself. Go to the ball game or to hang out.

 

Recently she started getting a little flirty with me in some emails and flirty in a teasing, "I'm behaving like a 16 year old" needling kind of way. I don't know how to explain it, but she's flirting. It's how she acted towards me before we were dating.

 

I basically told her I wasn't going to play games with her and I was gonna focus my energy on me around three weeks ago. NC.

 

I guess she doesn't call because she knows I'm going to call her? She said as much last time we spoke, that she knew I would call her. So she really has no reason to call me and likely thinks I'll just call her again in a week or so.

 

Still, this has me stumped, I chalked it up to playing games.

 

Or, maybe I'm just reading too much into it and she was just playing games.

 

Oh, and I mean it too. I'm really not worried. If we got back together cool, if not, cool too, if we're friends, cool. If not, cool too. I'm pretty neutral.

[Lishy]

What is the point to this post??????????

 

Do you want advice? It is not clear at all

[Geishawhelk]

Got a question I've posted some help for other so maybe I can get an answer from an outside set of eyes?

 

 

It would actually help if you asked a question.

From my "set of eyes" view......

[BikerBeagle]

"She says she's happy by herself, and is just enjoying going out with her friends, working and hanging out with her family and she wants me to be happy too."

 

It seems to me that her intentions are pretty clear ...your's, on the other hand, are a bit more than questionable. Me thinks you are the one playing games, not her.

 

Let's see, yelling at her to get your things back then attempting to reconcile the next day?!? Hanging out with her friends now?!? Going NC and then wondering why she isn't calling you?!? Pretending like you really don't care what happens ...it's all cool, right?!?

 

If you are so neutral, it shouldn't bother you just to walk away and leave this poor girl alone.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Straight up man you sound like you have some serious problems/you are insane. Were you abused growing up or anything? Let's start there.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Ok, time to break this down.

 

Firstly, it appears you are overly trying to appear cool and calm. I would say this is because you were made fun of for showing emotion/feeling/excitement at some point(s) during your life by various people (or someone you cared about deeply), and so now you are afraid.

 

You seem to also have jumped into a relationship. That is pitiful in my opinion, and projects that you are very weak, and possibly need someone else to validate you. (Sounds like self esteem/insecurity issues).

 

In this scenario, based on what you've said so far, I'd say you sound like you are the one with the problems in this relationship. I'd say you need to realize that and screw your head on, because you have problems, it seems. But that doesn't mean you can't fix them for the future! You CAN fix them and learn from your mistakes and be a better person.

 

Time to stop trying to impress people with a "neutral" attitude. And if you really are naturally that uncaring and insensitive, then it's possible are you a victim of a mental personality disorder. I suggest looking up Clusters A-C of the DSM-IV. It's possible you have one of those mental disorders if you really care so little about the ones who care about you... not to mention, you are overly concerned with coming off as 'cool' and 'laid back' and "neutral".

 

Screw your head on, and leave the poor girl alone. She most likely suffered enough.

 

Don't try to fix the relationship.

Fix yourself.

 

It's not too late.

 

Disclaimer: I could be jumping the gun as you haven't gone into full details, but my above post is based upon what you've said and how you've said it.