fabulousgal Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I really want to break NC. I am sitting here working , in a coffee shop, in a town I don't know. The music on the speaker is jazz. This used to mean nothing to me. Now it does. His first show is sometime this month. I wonder how its coming along. Next week I'll be in this same town, working, and alone on my birthday. Realizing he's probably not going to contact me on that day stings, but I am trying to get used to it. If I break NC, I seriously doubt the result will be anything worth breaking NC for. I need to vent this because sometimes it feels really overwhelming. I blame myself for feeling bad and missing him. I think if I were stronger I would be able to control it. I don't check his sites, I don't try to talk to him, I won't even let our mutual friends discuss him. I have thought up of plenty of little excuses to talk to him, but never go through with it. I wish I could forget him. Thanks for listening. Let's hope I don't break no NC.
dprelz Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 You're doing well. Remember to give yourself credit. Just continue to be strong. It's good that you posted here. I guess you could take some comfort in knowing there are a ton of other people on this site who are in the exact same spot you are in. I always seem to post in the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread. You sound like a great girl. Keep working hard and you will meet a guy that will love you and appreciate you. Don't give up Girl!
northstar1 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I really want to break NC. I am sitting here working , in a coffee shop, in a town I don't know. The music on the speaker is jazz. This used to mean nothing to me. Now it does. His first show is sometime this month. I wonder how its coming along. Next week I'll be in this same town, working, and alone on my birthday. Realizing he's probably not going to contact me on that day stings, but I am trying to get used to it. If I break NC, I seriously doubt the result will be anything worth breaking NC for. I need to vent this because sometimes it feels really overwhelming. I blame myself for feeling bad and missing him. I think if I were stronger I would be able to control it. I don't check his sites, I don't try to talk to him, I won't even let our mutual friends discuss him. I have thought up of plenty of little excuses to talk to him, but never go through with it. I wish I could forget him. Thanks for listening. Let's hope I don't break no NC. Hey, I think you know you won't break NC, because you've just acknowledged that breaking NC is not worth it. I think we all have good and bad days, and on those bad days, it seems that breaking NC is the only remedy that will make us feel better - but ofcourse it isn't - it is more of the same poison with a different label. You are strong and doing well - keep posting on here , but don't break NC.
EmperorR Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 it's hard but trust me, breaking NC will just make you feel worse. When you contact them and while your feeling like crap crying etc., there cold, busy, happy with soemone else. Stay NC you can do it, just remind yourself he knows my number he knows my email, he knows where I live, he has a voice if he wants to contact me he can.
tealeafbud Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Hi fabgirl, it's normal to feel the way you're feeling. We all have it after a break up, especially if you were very close to the other person. Just know that may feel horrible afterward. Is it really worth it? This forum will support you whatever you do, but trust the majority of us that know where you've been and have learned from our own experiences, and are trying to advise you the best we can.
Author fabulousgal Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 dprelz - thanks I really hope one day I meet someone who appreciates me. That is what I remind myself or try to when I miss whatshisface. "The one wouldn't leave me in doubt." northstar - thanks! i always come to LS when i can't handle the urge, and I may not always post, but reading other posts and replying helps me realize I am not alone, and reminds me to not break NC. Emperor - heck yeah he knows all my info. chump. he can contact moi. tealeaf - man i learned so much through LS (sadly because I've been dumped a lot), i feel like my brain is trained now to go NC and hold my head up high. delete reminders, links, etc and not initiate anything. the hard part for me now is acceptance and moving on. thanks everybody, i really appreciate it because i thought i was going to crack. hoping to all of us staying strong.
Author fabulousgal Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 crap i feel like cracking again. i feel like i have to keep these feelings a secret from everyone. i feel dumb for still missing him.
northstar1 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 crap i feel like cracking again. i feel like i have to keep these feelings a secret from everyone. i feel dumb for still missing him. Everytime you feel like breaking NC, think about how much worse it will feel once you do. Much much worse.
9Lives Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 it's hard but trust me, breaking NC will just make you feel worse. When you contact them and while your feeling like crap crying etc., there cold, busy, happy with soemone else. Stay NC you can do it, just remind yourself he knows my number he knows my email, he knows where I live, he has a voice if he wants to contact me he can. Excellent advice
9Lives Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Everytime you feel like breaking NC, think about how much worse it will feel once you do. Much much worse. If you break NC you will feel 10 times worst. He can contact you if he wants to talk to you. This is the hard part. I know. Dealing with the emptiness and accepting the bull of it all...I do everyday. You have to hang in there or be prepared to get that ass spanked again when you make that call. It is like a bruise that you feel internally and guess who gets stuck with the pain of it all....YOU YOU YOU and YOU....so listen to what is being said and try not to call him
NYgirlinLA Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Girl, I feel ya and I totally understand! I am in the same position. It’s been almost 2 months of no contact for me and some days I feel great and empowered, like when his birthday passed this Tuesday and I didn't contact him, YAY!! And then other days I feel horrible and all I want to do is make that call (this morning for instance). I broke contact once three weeks into the break up and it was soooo not worth it!! It wasn't a bad conversation at all, but instead of making me feel good, I felt so icky. Nothing that I wanted to hear came out of the conversation. Nothing in that conversation changed the situation at all. When I got off the phone, we were still broken up! It was so pointless. And it made me feel worse. It's been almost 2 months since that slip up and hell will freeze over before I make the first contact again. This is one of the hardest things I had to do, but you will get through it, as will I. The days that you have the urge to make contact really suck, but those days when you can look at how far you have come and can recognize your strength, are pretty damn empowering. Best of luck, girl!
sedgwick Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I'm 17 months post-breakup, and six months NC. Before that I was 10 months NC -- he called me, but I told him I couldn't be his friend and I only wanted to talk to him if he wanted to get back together. I miss him every minute of every day. I miss him slightly less than I did when he walked out the door, but not much. It sucks. Lately, I guess maybe because of the holidays, I really want to contact him, but I absolutely cannot let myself do so. I keep reminding myself to be strong but it's hard. I know how you feel, but if I can do it, so can you!
justletgo07 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Cracked yesterday...had the best intentions...regret it. No matter what, you'll always regret it...
EmperorR Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I'm 17 months post-breakup, and six months NC. Before that I was 10 months NC -- he called me, but I told him I couldn't be his friend and I only wanted to talk to him if he wanted to get back together. I miss him every minute of every day. I miss him slightly less than I did when he walked out the door, but not much. It sucks. Lately, I guess maybe because of the holidays, I really want to contact him, but I absolutely cannot let myself do so. I keep reminding myself to be strong but it's hard. I know how you feel, but if I can do it, so can you! I know the feeling especially during the holiday, always put up the christmas tee with my ex, now eh no reason to all alone:(, all alone on christmas:(, all alone on new years eve:(
inulg Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 i messed up... broke my 3 months NC... DONT DO IT!! they dont careeeeeeee :'(
EmperorR Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 i messed up... broke my 3 months NC... DONT DO IT!! they dont careeeeeeee :'( yep all true, if they did care about you they would have broken nc.
9Lives Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 You guys are lifesavers...I almost did it...My mind was going there. This weekend, I was out on a date and he saw me with the guy. He was walking by and slowed down to look. I acted like I did not see him so I did not give it away. He wasnt expecting to see me so it was great! What do you think is going on in his head now? We have only been NC for 3 or 4 weeks. I miss him though. I really really do.
Zapbasket Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 You guys are lifesavers...I almost did it...My mind was going there. This weekend, I was out on a date and he saw me with the guy. He was walking by and slowed down to look. I acted like I did not see him so I did not give it away. He wasnt expecting to see me so it was great! What do you think is going on in his head now? We have only been NC for 3 or 4 weeks. I miss him though. I really really do. That's awesome! That must have felt--at least in part--really good.
xero Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Well, I'm sitting on 3 months NC and hanging in there. Only if I could go 1 day without thinking about her...
9Lives Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 That's awesome! That must have felt--at least in part--really good. Yes, I felt better because I did not have to be the one to see him with someone first. It was great but I miss him.
pushforward Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Don't break. It isn't worth it. I just broke NC by looking at her myspace. I had a setback and I feel the burn. Do not put yourself back to day 1. I feel like CRAP after looking at her myspace. Imagine if I had actually contacted her. Keep strong and DON'T DO IT! You are not going to hear what you want to hear. You're just going to get hurt. Take it from me and everybody else. We all know from first hand experience. Unless you are completely over your ex, breaking NC is always a bad idea.
Sbrizio Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Tell yourself that you'll only break it when you won't give a holy sh*t about him. So not now. Go on with your life, and leave him where he chose to be: in the past. Look forward, look at the other peoples. Your future is all to be discovered. Don't spoil it looking at the past. I did it and i holy regret it. I regret every single moment i've not put all my energies in forgetting my "love". I lost one year of my life looking at the past and hoping for the future. Until i've been royally scr**ed up (for the 2nd time in a row). Look, it's not a matter of being strong. NC is not a battle of wills. It's a way to understand that on the other side of the line there's no one anymore. NC is a way to heal yourself and to recenter your mind on you. If you waste your NC time thinking about him, you only slow down the process. I know it's easier said that done, but believe me, i'm in a situation where i actually DESIRE to go NC, and i can't. Be cool and think positive. Your life and your happines only matters.
Author fabulousgal Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 is my birthday and i feel so stupid. i have a lot to be thankful for but i just wish things were different. last year i got dumped on my birthday. i had a horrible, 6 hour dream last night. i kept waking up, but when i'd fall back asleep it would be back.... basically, i got something in the mail that was intended for his "new" gf. i have no idea if he is seeing anyone or not. i kept writing him messages online, but never sending them and waiting for him to contact me...crying. that has actually never happened, i haven't waited around my pc or anything or written him messages too afraid to send.
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