Recent study on Why Infidelity is on the rise

[Bryanp]

I am paraphasing an article in the current issue of The Week Magazine of December 12, 2008 entitled Why Infidelity is on the rise by Naomi Schaefer Riley in The Wall Street Journal.

 

Highlights:

* The number of unfaithful wives in their 20s rose 20% over the past 15 years.

* The number of unfaithful husbands in teir 20s rose 45% over the past 15 years.

 

Why is there so much cheaing? 1)1) Today, most people get married later than they used to, and only after they've had multiple partners. The most common way people exit these early relationships is by cheating on their current partner. That's a habit that's hard to break, especially when young people hit a rough spot in their marriage.

 

2) Another temptation arises from the fact that many people in their 20s maintain close, long-lasting friendships with members of the opposite sex. In previous eras, such friendships were unusual, and gernerally ended when people got married. Twenty-somethings now keep on seeing old opposite-sex friends, on the grounds that these relationships are not romantic. But as some unfortunate spouses have discovered, some of these bosom buddies tourn out to be "friends with benefits."

 

I think these reasons mentioned come as no surprise to the people on this board. Any thoughts?

[Geishawhelk]

They forgot the most obvious one.

 

We're not 'designed' to be faithful.

Desire is natural.

Fidelity is a choice.

[Dexter Morgan]

2) Another temptation arises from the fact that many people in their 20s maintain close, long-lasting friendships with members of the opposite sex.

 

And as I've said before, there is no such thing as a really close "friend" of the opposite sex. At least not a close friend of the opposite sex that you hang out with. I know, there will be people that say that they have lots of opposite sex friends that they hang out with alone and nothing will ever come of it. Ya right:rolleyes:

[Trialbyfire]

Fidelity is a choice.

Yes, it is. If you consider the current self-entitled generation, why would people who are raised with no self-restraint, practice self-restraint?

[Reggie]

They forgot the most obvious one.

 

We're not 'designed' to be faithful.

Desire is natural.

Fidelity is a choice.

 

Yes, but this has been true forever. So, it would not explain the rise.

[OWoman]

I know, there will be people that say that they have lots of opposite sex friends that they hang out with alone and nothing will ever come of it. Ya right:rolleyes:

 

You have sex with people you're not sexually attracted to???

[OWoman]

I am paraphasing an article in the current issue of The Week Magazine of December 12, 2008 entitled Why Infidelity is on the rise by Naomi Schaefer Riley in The Wall Street Journal.

 

Highlights:

* The number of unfaithful wives in their 20s rose 20% over the past 15 years.

* The number of unfaithful husbands in teir 20s rose 45% over the past 15 years.

 

How as this "rise" measured? Was someone in every bedroom taking notes? I don't think so, somehow. I reckon it was measured, somewhere along the line, by someone reporting that infidelity had taken place (whether the CS, the BS or the AP).

 

So what we're looking at, in actual fact, is not a rise in infidelity but a rise in the reporting of infidelity - which is something else entirely, although it MAY be linked to a rise in infidelity (but equally might not).

 

I would suggest that the reasons for the rise in the reporting of infidelity include a relaxation (in most countries) of the social mores which render it less socially unacceptable to have been touched by it - either as a participant or as a "victim". Which in turn leads to a greater willingness to declare it (either to an interviewer or on a self-administered questionnaire), pushing up the prevalence, and in turn rendering it more visible and thus a little less socially unacceptable. Virtuous circle.

 

This is research methods 101 stuff - any social science undergraduate would spot that

[Reggie]

How as this "rise" measured? Was someone in every bedroom taking notes? I don't think so, somehow. I reckon it was measured, somewhere along the line, by someone reporting that infidelity had taken place (whether the CS, the BS or the AP).

 

So what we're looking at, in actual fact, is not a rise in infidelity but a rise in the reporting of infidelity - which is something else entirely, although it MAY be linked to a rise in infidelity (but equally might not).

 

I would suggest that the reasons for the rise in the reporting of infidelity include a relaxation (in most countries) of the social mores which render it less socially unacceptable to have been touched by it - either as a participant or as a "victim". Which in turn leads to a greater willingness to declare it (either to an interviewer or on a self-administered questionnaire), pushing up the prevalence, and in turn rendering it more visible and thus a little less socially unacceptable. Virtuous circle.

 

This is research methods 101 stuff - any social science undergraduate would spot that

 

 

Makes sense to me. But, then, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express.

[Bryanp]

The reporting is based on comparisons from 1993-2008. I doubt people were in the Victorian mode in 1993. I think people were about as open in 1993 as they are in 2008.

[Reggie]

The reporting is based on comparisons from 1993-2008. I doubt people were in the Victorian mode in 1993. I think people were about as open in 1993 as they are in 2008.

Yep, this makes sense, too.

[OWoman]

The reporting is based on comparisons from 1993-2008. I doubt people were in the Victorian mode in 1993. I think people were about as open in 1993 as they are in 2008.

 

I didn't see anyone posting about "Victorian mode", so I'm not sure who this post is directed at; but if it's meaning what I'm reading in it (ie, suggesting that attitudes have not shifted very much in the past 15 years) it's very mistaken. There is a huge body of research to show just how much they have shifted, on all kinds of matters. As I'm sure anyone who followed the media reportage of the American presidential election can attest...

[Geishawhelk]

Yes, but this has been true forever. So, it would not explain the rise.

 

Oh, granted.

But it is in fact the primary reason, and I'm surprised that such an in-depth and highly analytical study never considered it as a factor, in the first place.

(tongue is positioned in cheek, here....)

[OWoman]

1)1) Today, most people get married later than they used to, and only after they've had multiple partners. The most common way people exit these early relationships is by cheating on their current partner. That's a habit that's hard to break, especially when young people hit a rough spot in their marriage.

 

You're suggesting - or you're reporting that the reporter was suggesting - that the mean age of marriage (first marriage? or all marriages?) is significantly up (by a factor of between 20 and 45%) on fifteen years ago? I have my doubts. Fifteen years ago I was already Dd. Most of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances of my age weren't even M yet. They were building their careers. While there may be a quantitiative shift in the numbers of this, I'd very much doubt it was that significant - and, I'd even hazard a guess that while the trend was towards later marriage over the total period, that during the latter period of the study years, that trend may have stalled or even reversed itself. Certainly marrying young has now become fashionable again among at least a sector of society - part of the "have it all" phenomenon which suggests that satisfaction can only be had by having a career AND a successful M simultaneously rather than successively. (Yes, I follow market research - I need to for my work).

 

2) Another temptation arises from the fact that many people in their 20s maintain close, long-lasting friendships with members of the opposite sex. In previous eras, such friendships were unusual, and gernerally ended when people got married. Twenty-somethings now keep on seeing old opposite-sex friends, on the grounds that these relationships are not romantic. But as some unfortunate spouses have discovered, some of these bosom buddies tourn out to be "friends with benefits."

 

Sorry, but to suggest that people in their 20s (who'd now be mid 30s) of 15 years ago did not maintain close, long-lasting friendships with opposite sex friends is also very far off the mark!! I can tell you that from my own experience - and I'm by no means unique on that. (And no, I have never done FWBs, and never will. And the few people that I know who have did so more than 25 years back, when the "children of the 80s" were reliving the "free love" of the 60s in their own abortive fashion.)

 

I think whoever wrote that article is either so very very middle aged they were already in their dotage 15 years ago and thus think of everything as "new", or they're so desperate to fill column inches that they're scratching for trends on the basis of shaky data and ignoring all the basic caveats about research design and research interpretation.

 

Pretty sad, either way...

[pyroguy]

Yes, it is. If you consider the current self-entitled generation, why would people who are raised with no self-restraint, practice self-restraint?

 

 

 

Bingo! An I'll take it a bit further. I worry deeply about the next generation because the current crop is so spolied and jaded. Today's youth are spoiled, think they are the center of the universe, expect everything to be handed to them, and too many have never been told no. What are we to do when we have raised a generation of kids that have never been told no, and as you point out, have no self control. Self gratification at all costs.

 

I think we're so jaded and, maybe we're taking the "open sexually" thing and the "sexual expression" thing too far. I mean, instead of repressing our sexuality, like some insist we do, we try too hard to match the current "sexual expression" view. It seems like everything and everyone is a temptation today , why? because we've now been told by those who are more enlightened that it's natural?

 

Is it going to be a world in which everytime we see a goodlooking person, we have to want to sleep with them? because the new open sexuality says so? can't we just acknowledge their good looks, but not want to sleep with them. Can't we aspire and succeed to rise above the level of an animal?

[Owl]

I'll add another potential reason why this rise has occurred: the world is smaller than it used to be.

 

Communication and transportation have had massive impacts on our culture.

 

In ages past (even in my lifetime), written post was often the primary means for maintaining contact with someone outside of your city or state. The OCCASIONAL long distance phone call might occur...but the cost made this as a means of maintaining an emotional connection with a lover pretty prohibitive.

 

Travel to another state was something done for business, or on family vacations.

 

Welcome to the new age. Long distance is free in most western countries. Every home has a telephone. The vast majority of people in those countries have their own personal cell phone. Calling Uncle Joe in Montana doesn't cost that much anymore...and texting is pretty cheap too...or free on most plans. It's far easier to find an old flame and re-establish contact with them.

 

Then there's the internet. Most homes in the US have more than one computer nowadays. IM'ing is free. Facebook, myspace, classmates.com...not to mention online porn and all the "singles sites"...makes emotional communication with someone other than your spouse a LOT easier to do now.

 

Travel is MUCH faster than it used to be. And again, especially in the US, it's not that uncommon now for one spouse or the other to travel back to their hometowns to visit, etc... It makes it again much easier to both reconnect with an old flame, or find a new one...and maintain that relationship.

 

Last concept to throw in here...compare what our media tells us about affairs now, to what it USED to say. Back in the day, infidelity wasn't glamorized and glorified. Quite the opposite...it was shown as a negative thing that damaged and destroyed families and lives. It was frowned upon, shunned. Now? It's all the rage in Hollywood. Now, it's ok. It's expected. If you do it, people will feel sorry for you...instead of sorry for the people you hurt along the way. Now, we blame those cheated on...and let the cheaters know that it's not their fault.

 

This trend is hardly surprising. And it's not a sign of a "more mature outlook on sexuality".

[Dexter Morgan]

You have sex with people you're not sexually attracted to???

 

dont be dumb. its the notion that friends are just friends, to which I say, ya right.

[jwi71]

And as I've said before, there is no such thing as a really close "friend" of the opposite sex. At least not a close friend of the opposite sex that you hang out with. I know, there will be people that say that they have lots of opposite sex friends that they hang out with alone and nothing will ever come of it. Ya right:rolleyes:

 

Just because you don't believe doesn't make it so. One of my best friends is female - in fact she is one of my closest confidants and the one I turned to first after my wife's A.

 

Some of us can draw boundaries and NOT cross them.

[jwi71]

You have sex with people you're not sexually attracted to???

 

LOL...now I have people looking in my office at why I am laughing!

[jwi71]

I'll add another potential reason why this rise has occurred: the world is smaller than it used to be.

 

Communication and transportation have had massive impacts on our culture.

 

In ages past (even in my lifetime), written post was often the primary means for maintaining contact with someone outside of your city or state. The OCCASIONAL long distance phone call might occur...but the cost made this as a means of maintaining an emotional connection with a lover pretty prohibitive.

 

Travel to another state was something done for business, or on family vacations.

 

Welcome to the new age. Long distance is free in most western countries. Every home has a telephone. The vast majority of people in those countries have their own personal cell phone. Calling Uncle Joe in Montana doesn't cost that much anymore...and texting is pretty cheap too...or free on most plans. It's far easier to find an old flame and re-establish contact with them.

 

Then there's the internet. Most homes in the US have more than one computer nowadays. IM'ing is free. Facebook, myspace, classmates.com...not to mention online porn and all the "singles sites"...makes emotional communication with someone other than your spouse a LOT easier to do now.

 

Travel is MUCH faster than it used to be. And again, especially in the US, it's not that uncommon now for one spouse or the other to travel back to their hometowns to visit, etc... It makes it again much easier to both reconnect with an old flame, or find a new one...and maintain that relationship.

 

Last concept to throw in here...compare what our media tells us about affairs now, to what it USED to say. Back in the day, infidelity wasn't glamorized and glorified. Quite the opposite...it was shown as a negative thing that damaged and destroyed families and lives. It was frowned upon, shunned. Now? It's all the rage in Hollywood. Now, it's ok. It's expected. If you do it, people will feel sorry for you...instead of sorry for the people you hurt along the way. Now, we blame those cheated on...and let the cheaters know that it's not their fault.

 

This trend is hardly surprising. And it's not a sign of a "more mature outlook on sexuality".

 

Well that seems to say that cheating is up because it is easier to cheat.

Which implies that Geisha is right. And I really don't want her to be right.

[Dexter Morgan]

Just because you don't believe doesn't make it so. One of my best friends is female - in fact she is one of my closest confidants and the one I turned to first after my wife's A.

 

Some of us can draw boundaries and NOT cross them.

 

Well it was brought up in this study apparently.

 

And I'm not saying its impossible, but common sense tells me otherwise.

[Dexter Morgan]

I have female "friends", but I don't hang out with them alone, I don't go to the movies with them, I don't go out drinking with them alone, etc.

 

There is no reason I need to be in the company alone with another woman if i have a significant other.

[jwi71]

PRECISELY what I feel is the real reason.

 

My money is here to. And partly because of Owl's reasoning that the world is smaller. Put together people who have no boundaries and easy access to others...cheating goes up.

[Owl]

Agreed...many people never learned proper boundaries. Today they're also being told that cheating isn't so bad (FWB's, etc...). And the possibility to cheat and get away with it (for a time) is so much higher than it used to be for all the reasons I cited.

[OWoman]

Owl, I both agree and disagree.

 

I agree that the world FEELS smaller, thanks to ICTs and lower-cost travel. However, after 11 September ease of movement shrank radically. Also, because of the redrawing of political boundaries (the demise of the former USSR, the formation of the EU, etc) it has become much easier FOR SOME to travel within these boundaries, and far more difficult for others. It's a reality I live daily, as an undesirable alien in a country that until about a decade and a half ago would have been more than happy to have had me.

 

I agree that communication is far easier than it was - and certainly far speedier. But by that same notion, so is surveillance and tracking - whereas in the past, it was very easy to hire a PO Bx at the local post office and have all your lover's mail sent there to await your collection at your convenience (while hubby was at work say) - competely unknown to anyone - now that kind of communication is likely to happen via email, IM, or other electronic forms which all leave digital footprints and allow a myriad ways of checking up or spying. And, thanks to "anti terror" legislation of recent years, privacy is completely porous to legislation now, and cellphone records can be sub-poenad, movements are tracked on cctv cameras in many public places and the State watches everything.

 

Fifteen years ago, having an A was pretty easy - meet up at a conference out of town, book into the same hotel, find a million excuses to bump into each other to work up the frisson and then - having phoned home to check in, and warned about the conference dinner that was going to end late - slip off for a nght of hot sweaty passion.

 

These days, the MP has to find some excuse about why their cellphone is switched off or why they couldn't return the text from home within minutes; there are emails waiting for reply on their ubiquitous PDA and because your profiles are all over the internet, everyone knows who you both are and that you don't belong together, that he's married (and to whom) and that you work with the guy they used to work with at the place they used to work before they moved to where they live now, woho might be interested to hear that you were looking pretty intimate with Dr X who's married to that woman who used to drop her kids the same time as your sister for music lessons.

 

I've been doing this for more than 15 years, I think it's gotten harder if anything during that time, and certainly no easier than it was back then.

 

But on the issue of the attitude shift, I do agree with you completely - as I posted earlier in the thread. I do think ther's been a significan attitude shift over the 15 years of the study - and I do think that that would encourage respondents to report infidelity they may well have not reported before.

 

I'm not claiming there's been no rise in infidelity - but I am saying that the study - or at least, what's been reported of it here - fails to establish that, and only establishes that there's been a significant rise in the REPORTING of infidelity in answer to survey questions. Which, in itself, is a significant finding - but not the finding the OP was trumpeting as the basis for this thread.

 

I'll add another potential reason why this rise has occurred: the world is smaller than it used to be.

 

Communication and transportation have had massive impacts on our culture.

 

In ages past (even in my lifetime), written post was often the primary means for maintaining contact with someone outside of your city or state. The OCCASIONAL long distance phone call might occur...but the cost made this as a means of maintaining an emotional connection with a lover pretty prohibitive.

 

Travel to another state was something done for business, or on family vacations.

 

Welcome to the new age. Long distance is free in most western countries. Every home has a telephone. The vast majority of people in those countries have their own personal cell phone. Calling Uncle Joe in Montana doesn't cost that much anymore...and texting is pretty cheap too...or free on most plans. It's far easier to find an old flame and re-establish contact with them.

 

Then there's the internet. Most homes in the US have more than one computer nowadays. IM'ing is free. Facebook, myspace, classmates.com...not to mention online porn and all the "singles sites"...makes emotional communication with someone other than your spouse a LOT easier to do now.

 

Travel is MUCH faster than it used to be. And again, especially in the US, it's not that uncommon now for one spouse or the other to travel back to their hometowns to visit, etc... It makes it again much easier to both reconnect with an old flame, or find a new one...and maintain that relationship.

 

Last concept to throw in here...compare what our media tells us about affairs now, to what it USED to say. Back in the day, infidelity wasn't glamorized and glorified. Quite the opposite...it was shown as a negative thing that damaged and destroyed families and lives. It was frowned upon, shunned. Now? It's all the rage in Hollywood. Now, it's ok. It's expected. If you do it, people will feel sorry for you...instead of sorry for the people you hurt along the way. Now, we blame those cheated on...and let the cheaters know that it's not their fault.

 

This trend is hardly surprising. And it's not a sign of a "more mature outlook on sexuality".

[fral945]

Well that seems to say that cheating is up because it is easier to cheat.

Which implies that Geisha is right. And I really don't want her to be right.

 

Seems perfectly logical. Human beings are inherently selfish. If their sexual needs are being met, they now have more opportunity and fewer stigmas to prevent them from cheating.

 

Maybe not comforting, but the truth isn't always comforting.