scholesy63 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 This forum has been invaluable to me while reading from afar - so thanks for all your posts and advice. Split up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago - she didn't want any contact so as not to hurt each other. Have tried NC but broken it a few times - to which she replies dont contact me please. I think I may be smothering her. Strange question but if I put in a good stint of NC is that, in peoples experience, likely to get her contacting me? I am trying to tell myself its over and move on but we were so close - and probably my fault we split as was taking her for granted. Thanks in advance for peoples thoughts......
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Your best and only chance is 100% NC without fail. You will have to go a long while with no contact. Possibly 2-3 months. That's your only shot. Most likely you'll move on and lose hope for her after that period of time and heal anyways. I took mine for granted too. We all do. It's human nature to begin to expect what is always there. You can't blame yourself most of the time. But you ARE smothering her most likely. You need to stop contacting her like a worthless starving cat. That's what you look like in her eyes. A pathetic little insect. Do yourself, your dignity, and her image of you a favor by enforcing super NC. Don't break it. Start a new relationship; your partner will be No Contact. You will begin to look stronger and independent in her eyes the longer you hold out. She doesn't want you to contact her man how clear can it get? You will look pathetic and like a rodent unless she comes back to you. 100% NC. 100%. 100%. 100%.
justletgo07 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 First off, I'm sorry you're going through a touch time right now. I definitely feel for you, having been broken up for about 2 months and NC for 23 days. As you will see from reading through the posts here, people's experiences with NC are a varied as the people themselves. Even if she does call, it doesn't mean that she'll be interested in reconciling. However, being consistent in using NC is much more effective then continuously initiating and breaking it, and it sounds like that is exactly what she wants. You should give it to her. If nothing else, it will show her that you respect her and her wishes, and that you aren't trying to force your wants and needs upon her. Just don't use NC as a way to get her to come back. It's not a very effective way of doing that, plus it is manipulative and will keep you from healing. You already seem to know what to do. Let go, move on, don't look back.
Sysyphus28 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Whenever you start to lose hope about "getting back together" you will start to see why you were not meant to be together. It's too late after someone deads you(like a cigarrette) for you to relight the flame. Most of the time the metaphorical cigarrette is drenched in water and broken and impossible to light. You were not the right person for them, that doesn't mean you are a bad person. It just means something wasn't right in this relationship. Someone always pulls that trigger first. Hey this is great..............wait........ DUMPED! Now you in survival mode, and you need to survive and defeat those inner demons like; self doubt, shame, fear, loneliness, etc. She is not going to deal with your pain. She just isn't emotionally thier for you like she used to be. She could have gotten another man! It is highly unlikely you will get back with this woman.
EmperorR Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 It's over, go nc and remove those rose coloured goggles
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