californiadreamin Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Ok well ill try to give you the scoop on my relationship i met this girl when she moved to my high school and right away i was attached to her. She just blew my mind away. We started dating in 10th grade and after our 1st year of college she broke up with me, because she said she needed a break....i left to california for the summer and when i came back she was waiting for me and eventually we got back together. We went to the same college and this last year we lived together with her sister and her fiance. This summer we went to a bunch of our friends weddings and she told me she was in the most love she has ever been with me and i felt the same way. in our 6 years of being together we never had huge arguments and it was never bumpy. Everyone knew us as one person because we live ina small town and they thought of us as the perfect couple. She left to spain to study abroad at the end of september and she left me alot of love letters and cried to my mom saying to her that she wants to marry me and that she will be back to be with us. A couple of weeks after she left i started realizing that she was acting different. So i asked her what was wrong and she said she was just confused and didnt know what she wanted. So after two weeks of my heart going back and forth with what she said it old her i would give her space to see what she wants. It was the harderst thing i ever did in my life. After that she kept contacting me and talking to me still giving me mixed signals, but now that i told her i couldnt do it anymore i feel worse than before. It just hurt so much because i cant see her or talk to her because she is in spain and im the states. I know that i need to move on for the better sake of me....because i know that when things happen like this its because they have ever found someone that they are interested in or they have no love for you anymore. The hardest thing to go through is loving someone so deeply and them not loving you back. I have been reading many post in the last month to try and deal with this. I was always the dumb one who kept responding to her in hopes of her missing me...but now i see that its not going to happen so i thought of registering here in hope of helping me to move on. Im moving back to california to get out of this small town where people keep asking me what happened and all that other stuff. Sorry for the wall of text....i know that i need to move on for my health and for my confidence but its just hard at the moment any help would be great. Thank You
wisebutnotperfect Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 i found this site because i was looking to vent and hoping for some feed back.. it's a great tool.. use it like you would your friends ear. as hard as it may be, you will need to involve yourself in all of the other things going on in your life and also add some new things just to keep yourself busy. i'm not saying that you have to give up on her altogether but the only way she has any chance of coming back is if you tell her how much you love her and how much you want her to be happy as a person. encourage her to "find" herself and let her know that you would like to hear from her in the future but also make it clear that you won't be hanging around pining for her. she needs to know that there is the definite possibility that you will not be available after you have moved forward as well. take care
Author californiadreamin Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Thanks alot wise....she does not come back until June of next year so i know i need to keep myself busy and life my own life. I would like to get back with her, but i dont want to put hope into it and then feel bad when i dont get her back. She already knows how much i love her and care for her to be happy so i dont need to tell her again im just not going to contact her for a while she knows how to reach me if she wants 2. As much as it hurts to say i think with all the spaniards wanting an american girl for a couple months because she wont stay there forever gots her all wound up. She has only had me as a bf basically so now she has a chance to test the waters which really sucks. Im not going to sit around and wait 6 months....i need to move on a heal my broken heart that has been shattered into a million pieces. The time in california will help me get my self esteem and confidence up and hopefully better myself. Crazy what the one special girl can do to you in an instant.
Author californiadreamin Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 i wish i could stop crying today ive been down all day.......everyone ive talked to have said why she would leave such a great guy like me. It makes me feel like that saying is right "Nice guys finish last"
EmperorR Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 i wish i could stop crying today ive been down all day.......everyone ive talked to have said why she would leave such a great guy like me. It makes me feel like that saying is right "Nice guys finish last" I know the feeling and it sucks, but trust me you will find someone better, and one day she will realize the mistake she made, but by then you will be over her and not care. I was in your shoes a few months ago, my fiance cheated on me and dumped me, I was humilated, left in shambles, crying all day long, thinking crazy thoughts. I treated my ex like a queen, Nice guys dont finish last, you just found a girl who does not know how to be appreciative of you. I think it was Caliguy who recommended the book No more Mr. Nice Guy, it's a great read and opened up my eyes, maybe you can give it a shot.
MiaMia Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 You are explaining my situation exactly.... i feel your pain in loving someone who doesnt seem to love you back.... and i am also guilty of continuing to show that i care in hopes that they will care back. i similarly, do now know what to do... CaliforniaDreamin- you seem to be a little further on in the stages of this type of dillemma... i wonder if you could offer me some advice??? I posted a thread today titled "4 year relationship ending, dont know how to act..." in this forum.... and i would really appreciate it if you would read it (even though i rambled on for way too long, sorry) and see if you can give me some advice.... what did you do in my situation that didnt work? and do you have any advice on how i should handle this?
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I think it was Caliguy who recommended the book No more Mr. Nice Guy, it's a great read and opened up my eyes, maybe you can give it a shot. Yep. Keep pimping that book. Together, we'll rid the world of wussies and door mats
Oscar51 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Unfortunately some relationships come to an end. Sometimes a little time apart is all someone needs to find out the person they dumped is who they want. But usually its too little too late. And sometimes people run into each other when they both are in a better place. You never know what fate will throw at you. Anyways just walk away. Many posters here will agree. If you want any chance of getting someone back, walk away. Not only will you maintain your pride and dignity. You will get YOUR power back. Rather you know it or not, your ex has had a control over you. They had your power and they trampled all over that and your heart. Trust me, I know its hard. I was a doormat and in love and she left me for it. It hurts, but eventually you get tired of the pain and have to move on or you will slip into a depression. Would I have done things differently? Of course, but I have no regrets b/c after the dust settled and my emotions were in check, I found out that I really did love her but she didn't feel the same. I don't care how much you love someone, if the feeling isn't mutual, it won't happen. So pick up the pieces and move on. If I can do it, you can. My heart is only in about 100 pieces now instead of 100,000. It gets easier. Especially if you start dating again. And once you really do forget about her, a radar signal will be sent to her head and that's when you will get a phone call. Women really do have a sixth sense when it comes to realizing their ex is over them. That's when they call. And that's when you tell her off.
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