serendipity_2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 My ex broke up with me bc i wouldn't put out and immediately got with another woman who i believe he was seeing while we were together. Also I am not trying to speak negatively about the woman but she is very known for being easy. I am a moral and wouldn't have sex with him while we were together and def. won't have it outside of marriage or a STRONG commited relationship. He is fully away aware that I am a virgin and that if i wouldn't give in while we were together, what would make me give in now. (we've been apart for about a month in half) He texted me and basically asked if we could do what we did when were together and that was just cuddling and kissing. I told him no and that it was very disrespectful that he'd ask that considering he has a gf. Then he states that what he is asking for is not bad and i told him that i'd treat him kindly and remain cordial but would never stoop to his level and even entertain his idea of messing around. Then he starts talking about how great it felt to be with me and i told him that if he wanted sex or to even to mess around, why not go to his gf or if he is that desperate just go to a bar and pick up an easy woman. I mean he's a relatively cute guy and can have any woman he wants. Then he says that may be true but I want u for some reason. So my ? is why do u think my ex would do this? I am very confused by his behavior. During the initial break up he told me to never call him again and that i should move on and HE has been the one calling me! What's going on here. For the record my ex 20 and i am 21.
Gremio Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 He misses the romantic part of a relationship. Often men, even though they will not admit it, like to kiss, cuddle, and cherish their partner. He very may very well have started a relationship with you believing he could change your mind, and when he realized he wasn't getting what he wanted, he went elsewhere. How long were you together?
Goingon Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Sounds like a monster to me, he didn't get sex so he thought by breaking up with you and getting with a girl who would do it with him would cause you enough jealousy to make you think "what does this girl have and do that i don't, oh sex, If I have sex with him too then i'll be better than this girl." Don't fall into the trap, wait until you are married and make sure you get married to the right person, this person sounds like he will take it from you and break up with you later in life.
fishtaco Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Being moral has nothing to do with it. Some people view sex as part of a healthy romantic relationship, with or without marriage. Some people don't. You don't want sex until after marriage, he does, that's a deal breaker. Simple as that. Tell him to leave you alone, he'll never get sex out of you. And you go find a guy that also believe in sex after marriage only. I would even recommend you to bring this up early in the dating phase. You don't want to spend 6 weeks going on dates only to figure out you met another guy that doesn't share the sex after marriage only views with you. You'll be wasting your time, and his. Of course now you have to filter out the guys that would rush into marriage just so they can have sex.
BCCA Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Being moral has nothing to do with it. Some people view sex as part of a healthy romantic relationship, with or without marriage. Some people don't. You don't want sex until after marriage, he does, that's a deal breaker. Simple as that. Tell him to leave you alone, he'll never get sex out of you. And you go find a guy that also believe in sex after marriage only. I would even recommend you to bring this up early in the dating phase. You don't want to spend 6 weeks going on dates only to figure out you met another guy that doesn't share the sex after marriage only views with you. You'll be wasting your time, and his. Of course now you have to filter out the guys that would rush into marriage just so they can have sex. I was going to say something along the same lines. I consider myself morally upstanding, I work, pay my bills, dont lie/cheat/steal. But, I'm agnostic and have had sex without marrige. Its very true, that IS an absolute deal breaker. I think you would do everyone a favor to bring this up early on. I know, it could make things awkward and scare off a few guys, but this is always going to be a deal breaker, whether you think it should be or not. Not to be harsh, but I personally would not date anyone or even become seriously involved with them without being intimate. Its really important to me, and if I found out after dating someone for a while, and then one night when we're making out alone, they tell me thier saving it for marrige, I would feel misled to a degree, and probably a little annoyed that I wasn't informed earlier. As far as this guy, isnt it amazing how truly awful someones true colors can be? You feel like you found someone different, who was a good person, and then they turn into a monster. Youre better than him, completely ignore him from now on.
Author serendipity_2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Whenever i referred to being a moral person i was talking about how it would be wrong for me to cuddle, kiss, etc with him WHILE he has a gf. I personally consider that very immoral. As for the sex issues, yes i know it's a deal breaker but I have my beliefs and I was open to him about how I felt from the get go. He was fine with it, but then it got so bad that he was asking me almost everyday when we were gonna have sex or always saying dirty things towards. I totally understand that men have a stronger sex drive than women, but I do not appreciate him cheating on me and then finally breaking up with me. From what he told me, he was a virgin but i don't think any virgin guy would have been the way he was. I would have done a whole lot better if he would have just said hey I can't handle a sex less relationship. Of course I would have been bothered but it would have been a hell of a lot easier than dealing with being cheated on and lied to. I honestly can say that i never expected him to contact me again bc the he was sooooo hateful towards me after the break up and told me that i should never call again, and i didn't. Yet he has done everything possible to stay in contact with me. From random hi's to just called 2 see what u r doing or just to check on you. All of this WHILE he is with this other girl.
fishtaco Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I'm with BCCA on this -- If I were your ex I would not have dated you in the first place. The sex issue is clearly a deal breaker. The guy is an idiot. You should tell him to never talk to you again. Block his number or something. Otherwise you'll just keep getting outraged by him.
Author serendipity_2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 I'm with BCCA on this -- If I were your ex I would not have dated you in the first place. The sex issue is clearly a deal breaker. The guy is an idiot. You should tell him to never talk to you again. Block his number or something. Otherwise you'll just keep getting outraged by him. Well to each their own. He obviously seen something in me and several others have so they have def. been willing to date me regardless of my opinions on sex etc.
Geishawhelk Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Oh, you are naive!! You're not dating them any more, are you? Their objective was to have sex with you!! As you never gave in, they moved on. It wasn't about Love, it was about sex!! Biggest challenge to a hot-blooded male! If the loved you, they'd still be with you, right? That's why junior is still after cuddles! He still holds a hope in his heart that he'll be the one to bed you!!
fishtaco Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Well to each their own. He obviously seen something in me and several others have so they have def. been willing to date me regardless of my opinions on sex etc. You're missing my point. I'm not saying you're not worthy. When someone won't date you, that doesn't necessarily mean you're not good enough. The reason that I would not date someone like you is because I know it will not work out. So why go through with it? If I've I met you and you prove to be a great person, I'd be friends with you, but I would not date you. Deal breakers are deal breakers. You are in this situation right now because a bad choice was made. It has nothing to do with how good of a person you are. You almost sound like you still want men that want premarital sex to date you. You realize if you do that this scenario will keep playing out.
Author serendipity_2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 You're missing my point. I'm not saying you're not worthy. When someone won't date you, that doesn't necessarily mean you're not good enough. The reason that I would not date someone like you is because I know it will not work out. So why go through with it? If I've I met you and you prove to be a great person, I'd be friends with you, but I would not date you. Deal breakers are deal breakers. You are in this situation right now because a bad choice was made. It has nothing to do with how good of a person you are. You almost sound like you still want men that want premarital sex to date you. You realize if you do that this scenario will keep playing out. No, i really don't. The thing is that this ex in particular told me that he was a virgin and was ok with not having sex. I told him from the very beginning and did not leave out a detail, so he was the one who changed. I would have appreciated if he would have just been upfront and said hey "sex is important to me and is necessary for me to be in a relationship." If he would have given me that statement i would have let him go right then. It would have spared me a lot of grief of having to deal with some immature idiot.
Author serendipity_2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Oh, you are naive!! You're not dating them any more, are you? Their objective was to have sex with you!! As you never gave in, they moved on. It wasn't about Love, it was about sex!! Biggest challenge to a hot-blooded male! If the loved you, they'd still be with you, right? That's why junior is still after cuddles! He still holds a hope in his heart that he'll be the one to bed you!! No, i am not dating them but each and everyone of my exes have at some pt. called and admitted to making a huge mistake bc they knew that i was great girlfriend. Yeah i may not have ever opened my legs for any of them, but deep down they all came back and attempted to reconcile. So no, it definitely may not be love, but i certainly know that men are not strictly driven by sex alone bc the girls they were with weere out of the pic. in no time. Also the guys were around my age so i couldn't expect them to settle down bc most of the guy around my age typically wanna mess around and go to the next woman and i am not willing to put myself in a position like that. One thing for I know for sure is that at least I was open on my pt. and was honest about my stance towards sex, so i never led any one on.
Author serendipity_2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 He misses the romantic part of a relationship. Often men, even though they will not admit it, like to kiss, cuddle, and cherish their partner. He very may very well have started a relationship with you believing he could change your mind, and when he realized he wasn't getting what he wanted, he went elsewhere. How long were you together? about 7 months.
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