my jealousy is ruining my relationship

[serialgf]

pardon me for the length but this is sort of a confessional as i've never told anyone the extent of my horrible/embarassing behavior:

 

so i've posted a bit about my current relationship. i'm 28 yo and i've been dating a guy who is 36 for the past 2/3 months. we've been really happy - we get along really well, have similar interests, spend a lot of time together, etc. and i really like him.

 

but we both have our issues - he's a recovering coke addict and he's traumatized from a past abusive relationship. but it's my problem that is causing me grief right now because i'm afraid i've done permanent damage to this relationship and that scares me a lot because i like this guy sooooo much & am so afraid of losing him....

 

my problem is that sometimes i get these unwanted and seemingly uncontrollable feelings of jealousy that make me act like a severe beeyotch and i've ruined about 3 distinct evenings/outings with this behavior. this behavior has been a big contributor to my past breakups...

 

with each incident, i do feel that i've learned more about how to control myself, but i'm afraid its just not enough:

 

1. in the beginning of our relationship, when my bf saw the first hint of my jealousy, he talked to me about how this was not acceptable and how he can't deal with a jealous gf telling who he can and can't be friends with. see the thing is intellectually i understand but i can't seem to help myself. it's like something takes over my mind and makes me think & act irrationally.

 

2. the second time, i acted like a jerk when he came to see me perform in a play with his good friend (who is a woman). i was upset because he didn't so much as give me a hug when he saw me, and i ended up acting like a jerk and walking home alone - though we met up later that night and made up we did have a big talk about this a couple of days later. during that talk he told me that he can't deal with this jealous behavior. I agreed that i have a jealousy problem (whereas before i was kinda denying it) and i agreed that i don't want to behave this way. He later reassured me that it's not like he's going to break up with me if i do it again, he just wants to know that i'm working on it.... Things were pretty good for a couple of weeks until...

 

3. the latest incident was over this past weekend, when we were at a bar. i had been drinking quite a bit and he showed up after he got out of work. i was convinced that he was attracted to a friend i was with and accused him of such, then proceeded to leave and told him to go with her and even said "why don't you go f*ck her?" needless to say the night did not end well.

 

so after this last incident, the next day i spent all day calling my bf and he didn't answer (not a big surprise). i apologized profusely via text. he finally did answer later in the evening and we agreed to meet up. we spent a nice night together, he told me it was okay, but i knew it wasn't. then the next morning, he made a sarcastic comment about me screwing some guy who was coming to pick me up to go to a business brunch.... i told him i got his message, and he said "good, maybe you can grow up while you're at the brunch..."

 

GOD, i feel so horrible now. since, we have talked about it quite a bit. he said he isn't going to break up with me but that he did think about it quite a bit when he was alone that day that he didn't pick up the phone. i told him i'm so afraid of losing him, and he said that he's afraid of losing me too. yesterday we cuddled for a while, and had sex, which was really sweet and passionate. he left yesterday to visit his mother and will return tomorrow. last night i texted him a goodnight text. when i didn't hear back after a few minutes, i called and left a voicemail because i started wondering if he made it there okay since it was icy and snowy here yesterday. he texted me back, "i'm fine. talk tomorrow. nite. xo" now that everything is so shaky, i'm feeling super paranoid and feel like his text was dismissive... my plan is to not call him today and see if he calls....

 

i don't know what to do with myself... i feel like crap and the worst part is i don't know how to change my behavior and i'm SO AFRAID of possibly doing this again. though now, i swear, i've been thinking about it constantly and actually talking to my friends about it (which i have NEVER EVER done because i've been too embarassed). i've gotten some good advice and am working on it but still.... i am a big fan of actions speak louder than words so i haven't wanted to tell him, "i am REALLY going to change now"

 

so how can i make things better with my bf? is there any way to show him that i'm changing? i know he has every right to be angry and even to break up with me, but is there anything i can do???

 

thanks for your advice.... i am sooooo worried

 

sorry about the super long post... there are so many other factors i'm leaving out...

[Jims555]

Hi SerialGF,

 

I think you're making good steps in realizing you have a jealously problem. the first step in curing a problem is admitting you have it.

 

This might be a little blunt, but if you're BF has stuck with you after all of that, you don't have any reason to be jealous, he obviously likes/cares about you.

 

The next time he says or does something that gives you that jealous feeling, stop before you say anything and think over what he did exactly. is he trying to make you jealous? probably not.

 

the more you keep thinking that he is going to break up with you, the faster it will happen.

 

 

I had this girlfriend that kept telling me "you don't love me, you like her." (a mutual friend of ours) for a while i'd reassure her "no no, i love you." but after a month or so of being told that, i realized i did like the other girl.

 

quit telling him that he likes other people, because he might start to believe it after a while.

 

and the only way to prove that you've changed is through consistency. alcoholics cure their disease by constantly not drinking, same applies to this. except your reward after a year of no jealousy is keeping your BF, much better than a coin.

[serialgf]

thanks for your kind words jim.

 

i like how you relate my problem to alcoholism - that's something that i can actually understand.... you're right that all i can do is just keep doing the right thing and that's what i plan on doing... i'm just afraid it's too late

 

i actually feel a lot better after reading your post because i know that even if it doesn't work out with my current bf (which would totally devastate me because he is by far the best guy i've ever dated) i have finally come to grips with this problem and hopefully will be remediating it forever!

 

 

i do have one comment about your post though, jim. don't you think that you did have feelings for that other girl if you eventually "realized" that you did or do you really think that you only developed feelings for her because your girlfriend kept saying it.... i do get what you're saying though and i am making a vow to myself to not say harmful stuff like that ever again... a friend of mine gave me some good advice: she said the feelings i have are totally normal and that everyone feels like that, but it's just how you act on the feelings that needs to change. so its okay to feel like so and so is prettier than me but its not okay to accuse my bf of liking so and so.

 

also, my bf does not really do anything to lead me to believe he likes other girls, besides being generally friendly...

[Winnie B.]

I will comment your being jealous as myself am so jealous .

LOL

Yes.

And was always jealous.

And will always be jealous .

 

 

But

reading your thread one can realize,and the best is that you yourself had realized,

that being ssssooooo jealous really may ruin a relationship ,

as we need also to give some trust to our another half .

Though its hard in the start of the affair,and it appears just in time .

 

 

Advices :

 

1-Control yourself . Pinch him for every glance at other girl ,

but do not get nervous making all the situation and interaction nervous.

 

 

2-Talk to him and explain that like he is explaining you that jealousy is not acceptable,

so his any 'moving' aside WONT be acceptable:mad: .

 

 

3-Innocent flirting is ok until it is innocent . Do not get nervous.

 

 

4-The best. Flirt yourself as soon as you get a chance in front of his nose with some cutie guy. And do not forget to blink blink to him (=your bf ,by the way noticing how green he is becoming by the same way;))

 

5-He will learn the lesson after the 4th advice :D:D

 

 

 

...actually jealousy shows possessiveness and possessiveness shows love.

So it is for me .

I am so possessive,I will keep him under the pillow.

With myself ,

LOL !

[Artu]

I would love to feel jealousy from my love... though she is not ,and she is right ,as I am very loyal in all my feelings to her.

Yes,I love jealous women.

 

 

what can I advise? *

 

...If it was not acceptable by you ,the condition he told you at the start,

that you should not get jealous ever,

then why you started with him ?

[clapyourhands]

i agree with Jim. if your boyfriend was able to put up with that kind of behavior, he obviously feels a great deal for you. that alone should give you the power to swallow those jealous emotions. (easier said than done, i know).

 

i've had severe problems with jealously in the past as well. i know for a fact that i ruined a strong relationship as a result of it. i was so wrapped up in being so jealous of insignificant things that i actually began to resent HIM for MY jealous thoughts. it's really quite sick. i'm much better now because i grew more comfortable in my own skin and realized all the jealousy was stemming from insecurity. i still have the occasional feeling but have come too far to succumb to it.

 

once jealously creeps into your bones it has the ability to distort everything around you. don't let it ruin what you two could have with one another. he sounds like a keeper who is very patient with you.

 

also, if you happen to have another "moment," give him the appropriate space that he will need to recover. remember, you reacting to something in a negative way takes a lot of emotion out of him as well.

 

hope this helps. i think you'll be fine given that you're willing to recognize this as a problem.

 

good luck to the both of you.

[serialgf]

Winny,

 

I actually don't really agree with much of what you said, and the behavior that you're talking about is actually the type of behavior i'm trying to avoid. I particularly don't agree with your final comment that possessiveness shows love, I don't think that's true and that's not how i want to behave. I think letting someone have total freedom shows love and that them chosing to be with you shows love back.

 

My boyfriend does chose to be with me. He is innocently flirty and so am I and that's okay. I just have to remember that when we're out and that's what I'm trying to figure out how to do...

 

Comments to your advice is below in bold

Maybe it's a latin thing. Vi que eres de mexico... yo soy colombiana!

 

 

Advices :

 

1-Control yourself . Pinch him for every glance at other girl ,

but do not get nervous making all the situation and interaction nervous.

he doesn't really glance at other girls... i mean that's not really the issue but i see what you're saying... it's okay to acknowledge it just keep it light and funny... i can do that

 

 

2-Talk to him and explain that like he is explaining you that jealousy is not acceptable,

so his any 'moving' aside WONT be acceptable:mad:

he knows that and he has never cheated on anyone in his life. he said even if i cheated on him or made out with someone in front of him he still wouldn't cheat on me. he would just talk to me about it first

 

 

3-Innocent flirting is ok until it is innocent . Do not get nervous.

yes!

 

 

4-The best. Flirt yourself as soon as you get a chance in front of his nose with some cutie guy. And do not forget to blink blink to him (=your bf ,by the way noticing how green he is becoming by the same way;))

i do flirt and my boyfriend does not get jealous... he's very mature

 

5-He will learn the lesson after the 4th advice :D:D

thanks!

 

 

 

...actually jealousy shows possessiveness and possessiveness shows love.

So it is for me .

I am so possessive,I will keep him under the pillow.

With myself ,

LOL !

[Winnie B.]

Look,my dear,

 

you lack very much a healthy sense of humor,

but its ok,

I understand you

as you are so f***ed up in your relationship with your bf now ruining it all by your jealousy

 

 

Now listen ,

 

if you wanted an advice you got it in a funny manner .

 

 

If you are so mature as you show in your thread now ,

then why you asked a question?

 

Just sit calm there and give advices to others,

You will gain more ..

 

 

I meant possessiveness in the acceptable amount ,

and not really burrying him under the pillow .

 

 

 

 

my answer was funny ...

yours is full of negative aggression ...

 

 

 

I am sorry to make you nervous.

I am just a funny jealous loving girl . I am sorry once again .

Ok.

 

 

 

Now sit down and give advices yourself

You are mature enough to . Heh !

[Artu]

SerialGF,

you really seem to not have any real problem .

You are mature enough and nervous very much ,

you are not accepting answers though awaiting for them .

 

Are you sure it`s a right site 4 u ,sweety ?

[Benique]

Serial,your bf seems to be so saint .Do not ruin a relationship with him .

He never cheated on anyone,you are saying,then why are you acting like a jerk as you tell ???

[serialgf]

SerialGF,

you really seem to not have any real problem .

You are mature enough and nervous very much ,

you are not accepting answers though awaiting for them .

 

Are you sure it`s a right site 4 u ,sweety ?

 

hey artu:

 

i never said i didn't want advice. i simply disagreed with something that poster said, surely that's okay. i was inviting a dialogue, a conversation.

 

i do want advice and it has all been very helpful and i hope it keeps coming!

 

thanks!

[Artu]

Winnie ,

 

You will keep him under the pillow with yourself ??

and what will you do there?

Guess,he will like a possessive gf;);)too much!

[serialgf]

Serial,your bf seems to be so saint .Do not ruin a relationship with him .

He never cheated on anyone,you are saying,then why are you acting like a jerk as you tell ???

 

dude if i knew i wouldn't be on here searching for answers!

 

i do not want to ruin my relationship. i have acted like a jerk because it's a personal issue i never got over. i've never cherished a relationship i've had enough or been mature enough to: A) recognize that i have a problem or B) do anything to change it

 

now i am and i hope its in time!

[serialgf]

i don't think you understood the humor in my response to you

i liked your advice, and i found it humorous, but i did not really agree with a lot of it.

 

it's okay to disagree!

cheers!

 

Look,my dear,

 

you lack very much a healthy sense of humor,

but its ok,

I understand you

as you are so f***ed up in your relationship with your bf now ruining it all by your jealousy

 

 

Now listen ,

 

if you wanted an advice you got it in a funny manner .

 

 

If you are so mature as you show in your thread now ,

then why you asked a question?

 

Just sit calm there and give advices to others,

You will gain more ..

 

 

I meant possessiveness in the acceptable amount ,

and not really burrying him under the pillow .

 

 

 

 

my answer was funny ...

yours is full of negative aggression ...

 

 

 

I am sorry to make you nervous.

I am just a funny jealous loving girl . I am sorry once again .

Ok.

 

 

 

Now sit down and give advices yourself

You are mature enough to . Heh !

[Winnie B.]

I did not feel your humor.

 

 

Best of luck to you.

[serialgf]

clapyourhands:

i really appreciate your hopeful words and am re-reading them. i know this jealousy is stemming from my insecurity too. he is being very patient with me but i feel that this is taking its toll on him/us and that is what is freaking me out. but you're right. i just need to give him space and lots of understanding... its hard though because i'm a big communicator and i just want to call him and talk for hours or at least say hi... am i doing the right thing by not calling him??

 

 

i agree with Jim. if your boyfriend was able to put up with that kind of behavior, he obviously feels a great deal for you. that alone should give you the power to swallow those jealous emotions. (easier said than done, i know).

 

i've had severe problems with jealously in the past as well. i know for a fact that i ruined a strong relationship as a result of it. i was so wrapped up in being so jealous of insignificant things that i actually began to resent HIM for MY jealous thoughts. it's really quite sick. i'm much better now because i grew more comfortable in my own skin and realized all the jealousy was stemming from insecurity. i still have the occasional feeling but have come too far to succumb to it.

 

once jealously creeps into your bones it has the ability to distort everything around you. don't let it ruin what you two could have with one another. he sounds like a keeper who is very patient with you.

 

also, if you happen to have another "moment," give him the appropriate space that he will need to recover. remember, you reacting to something in a negative way takes a lot of emotion out of him as well.

 

hope this helps. i think you'll be fine given that you're willing to recognize this as a problem.

 

good luck to the both of you.

[serialgf]

I did not feel your humor.

 

 

Best of luck to you.

 

thanks i need it!

[SoulSearch_CO]

Guys generally don't overanalyze relationships the way women do. So, no, it probably would not interest him all that much to sit down and talk for hours about what's going on with the relationship. LOL I think you're doing well giving him space. Considering the jealousy streak, I'd say that's a big step for you. Let HIM come to YOU. By sitting back, appearing relaxed, you may actually show him that you really ARE working on it.

 

In your case, I think it might be wise to see a counselor. Seriously. To sit down and discuss what it is in yourself that you are so insecure about that you are worried about people leaving you. Until you get your own head on straight and realize that every person entering your life is not a potential abandoner, this kind of behavior will be very hard to quell. Your BF is not really the best person to work you through the issues - he's not trained like a counselor would be.

[movingonandon]

You're one adorable mess. I'm having fantasies right now.

But, more to the point, the fact that you are aware of the problems your behavior is causing is the first step. The second one is more complicated and more important. You will get nowhere if you try to control your behaviors. This will be treating the symptoms without touching the disease. Any counselor will tell you that you need to discover which issues and insecurities you harbor cause you to behave this way. You do not necessarily need a counselor to achieve this type of self-awareness, but it might be easier if you do go see one.

[clapyourhands]

i understand what you mean. you feel like the episodes are causing a huge rift between you and that he's going to grow tired of you and leave. this could very well happen if it persists. however, it seems like he sees that you're frustrated with your behavior and you are making efforts to move past it. that speaks volumes. you're not going around being a jerk and thinking you can get away with it. no one is perfect.

 

i wouldn't say not to call him. just don't be too pushy; expecting him to be ok right away. i was saying that if you two get into another fight about this, and you leave his house or end the conversation on a bad note, try not to freak out too much during the absence. it's easy to think that he's at home thinking to himself: why am i with this girl? but chances are that's not what he's thinking.

 

also, there is such a thing as healthy jealousy. the type of jealousy that is not all consumming and it can actually make you laugh. you'll get there, i have hope for you!

[Kamille]

 

3. the latest incident was over this past weekend, when we were at a bar. i had been drinking quite a bit and he showed up after he got out of work. i was convinced that he was attracted to a friend i was with and accused him of such, then proceeded to leave and told him to go with her and even said "why don't you go f*ck her?" needless to say the night did not end well.

 

so after this last incident, the next day i spent all day calling my bf and he didn't answer (not a big surprise). i apologized profusely via text. he finally did answer later in the evening and we agreed to meet up. we spent a nice night together, he told me it was okay, but i knew it wasn't. then the next morning, he made a sarcastic comment about me screwing some guy who was coming to pick me up to go to a business brunch.... i told him i got his message, and he said "good, maybe you can grow up while you're at the brunch..."

 

GOD, i feel so horrible now. since, we have talked about it quite a bit. he said he isn't going to break up with me but that he did think about it quite a bit when he was alone that day that he didn't pick up the phone. i told him i'm so afraid of losing him, and he said that he's afraid of losing me too. yesterday we cuddled for a while, and had sex, which was really sweet and passionate. he left yesterday to visit his mother and will return tomorrow. last night i texted him a goodnight text. when i didn't hear back after a few minutes, i called and left a voicemail because i started wondering if he made it there okay since it was icy and snowy here yesterday. he texted me back, "i'm fine. talk tomorrow. nite. xo" now that everything is so shaky, i'm feeling super paranoid and feel like his text was dismissive... my plan is to not call him today and see if he calls....

 

Wow, this is a striking example of negative spiralling thoughts.

 

You're letting your spiralling thoughts get the best of you. They're self-reinforcing and probably do lead you to be insecure and therefore feed your jealousy. What I do when I notice that my inner voices are leading nowhere fast is hit the gym (or blast tunes and start dancing). It takes the focus away from the problem and helps me reconnect with the healthy-balanced side of myself. I've seen your posts on here and I know you are generally a healthy well-balanced, mature human being. You just need to give positive reinforcements to that side of yourself right now.

 

 

 

 

then the next morning, he made a sarcastic comment about me screwing some guy who was coming to pick me up to go to a business brunch.... i told him i got his message, and he said "good, maybe you can grow up while you're at the brunch..."

 

Now I know this comment is a zinger, but at least he's making an effort to bring the issue on the terrain of humor, which you seem to agree will make it easier to handle. Of course there was an once of truth in the zinger (and it was a one-ounce shot) but I think that his comment was meant to lighten the mood, not make you feel bad. So...

 

GOD, i feel so horrible now. since, we have talked about it quite a bit. he said he isn't going to break up with me but that he did think about it quite a bit when he was alone that day that he didn't pick up the phone. i told him i'm so afraid of losing him, and he said that he's afraid of losing me too. yesterday we cuddled for a while, and had sex, which was really sweet and passionate. he left yesterday to visit his mother and will return tomorrow. last night i texted him a goodnight text. when i didn't hear back after a few minutes, i called and left a voicemail because i started wondering if he made it there okay since it was icy and snowy here yesterday. he texted me back, "i'm fine. talk tomorrow. nite. xo" now that everything is so shaky, i'm feeling super paranoid and feel like his text was dismissive... my plan is to not call him today and see if he calls....

 

 

...Stop panicking. You're stronger then this. I agree with your plan to let him come to you for two reasons: it will give him space and when he does get in touch with you, you will feel reassured that everything is ok. In the meantime, hit the gym, knit, do whatever you have to do to think about something else.

[serialgf]

Hi SoulSearch thanks for your response - it was very spot on in a lot of ways. I am giving him space, though its been pretty easy since he's been out of town. But i am pretty proud of myself because yesterday after he called to check in and said he would talk to me today, I managed to go the rest of the day without giving in to my desire to want to call him! Yeay baby steps. I did send him a nice text letting him know i was at the show he was missing and that everyone said hi. He responded late at night before he went to bed and i got the text this morning sweet!

 

He actually just called, as he had promised to yesterday, to let me know he was on his way back. I am feeling a lot better about all of this now that we've both had some time to chill. He was really nice on the phone and said he would pick me up from work when he gets back into town!

 

I do appreciate your insight about my issues being much deeper than just my actions and I know that you are right. In the past couple of days that i've been alone i've been doing a lot of "soul-searching" and also talking to people about my issue, which has helped tons. I have come to realize that this behavior stems from feelings of inadequacy - which was a surprise to me and people i know because i appear to be a very confident woman, though I am realizing that much of that is an act I put on because i feel terribly uncomfortable being vulnerable. It's like I use my pride to mask my insecurities.

 

I know it doesn't take the place of talking to a counselor but honestly i can't afford counseling right now and I am going to try giving it a go on my own. Although I am by no means a licensed counselor, i did major in psychology and also have a grad degree on the subject so I do feel like i can at least do some research on the topic, which I am currently doing. Right now I am reading a book on behavioral psychology, which is really insightful and I am thinking that that in conjunction with cognitive therapy might provide me with more tools to deal with my problem. I am also going to begin journaling again. I've told my boyfriend about these ways that I am trying to help myself, and he seems to appreciate/admire that. He thinks I am very intelligent, and I think that's one of his favorite qualities of mine (i may not be drop dead gorgeous - i've heard him describe me as "nice and smart")

 

Thanks for pointing out that talking it all out with my BF is too much - you're right - he's not a therapist (though his dad is funnily enough so he is actually pretty good at talking things through and he knows the lingo) - and even if he were, it's not fair of me to expect him to help me through it all. I've got to do a lot of this on my own.

 

He's a wonderful boyfriend and I am glad that apparently he seems to be willing to stick through this with me, at least for now. I think i already said this in this thread but i feel like a huge weight is being lifted off my shoulders just thinking about all this and finally addressing it. Aside for potentially saving my relationship, I think this is just really good for me as a person and thats great, right?

 

Man, growing up is hard, but it's totally worth it!

 

Thanks again!

 

Guys generally don't overanalyze relationships the way women do. So, no, it probably would not interest him all that much to sit down and talk for hours about what's going on with the relationship. LOL I think you're doing well giving him space. Considering the jealousy streak, I'd say that's a big step for you. Let HIM come to YOU. By sitting back, appearing relaxed, you may actually show him that you really ARE working on it.

 

In your case, I think it might be wise to see a counselor. Seriously. To sit down and discuss what it is in yourself that you are so insecure about that you are worried about people leaving you. Until you get your own head on straight and realize that every person entering your life is not a potential abandoner, this kind of behavior will be very hard to quell. Your BF is not really the best person to work you through the issues - he's not trained like a counselor would be.

[serialgf]

You're one adorable mess. I'm having fantasies right now.

But, more to the point, the fact that you are aware of the problems your behavior is causing is the first step. The second one is more complicated and more important. You will get nowhere if you try to control your behaviors. This will be treating the symptoms without touching the disease. Any counselor will tell you that you need to discover which issues and insecurities you harbor cause you to behave this way. You do not necessarily need a counselor to achieve this type of self-awareness, but it might be easier if you do go see one.

 

Movingonandon:

 

I really appreciate your advice and it's a lot like that of soulsearch so i believe i addressed most of your points in my response to her(him?) so see my response above.

 

I do have one question though because I have gotten a couple of comments finding jealousy attractive, cute or "adorable" as you put it... I don't get that... can you explain how it is that you find jealousy appropriate/attractive? I don't believe the guys I've been with have found it cute at all... but maybe i'm wrong? Or am I just misinterpreting your post? Thanks!

[serialgf]

Kamille:

 

Thanks for your awesome inputs, I always really enjoy your advice! You are totally right about needing to focus on something more positive like exercise and knitting (which is one of my favorite hobbies - I have quite a few christmas gifts to get done). I like how you put it about how exercise helps you focus on something positive for yourself. As you've noticed, i do tend to get on negative spirals. I mean I am generally a very positive, happy person but once something goes wrong I just dwell on it to the point of "killing it" as they say. It's kind of an OCD/perfectionist thing which I think ties in with the jealousy/inadequacy thing too! The next time I'm feeling negative, I am going to go for a walk or a bike ride or make myself start that new knitting project!

 

You're also right that when I give him space, then when he does call I feel reassured. That's just how I felt when he called me an hour ago

 

You're very wise, Kamille and I appreciate your input!

 

Thanks for your reassuring words!

 

Wow, this is a striking example of negative spiralling thoughts.

 

You're letting your spiralling thoughts get the best of you. They're self-reinforcing and probably do lead you to be insecure and therefore feed your jealousy. What I do when I notice that my inner voices are leading nowhere fast is hit the gym (or blast tunes and start dancing). It takes the focus away from the problem and helps me reconnect with the healthy-balanced side of myself. I've seen your posts on here and I know you are generally a healthy well-balanced, mature human being. You just need to give positive reinforcements to that side of yourself right now.

 

 

 

 

 

Now I know this comment is a zinger, but at least he's making an effort to bring the issue on the terrain of humor, which you seem to agree will make it easier to handle. Of course there was an once of truth in the zinger (and it was a one-ounce shot) but I think that his comment was meant to lighten the mood, not make you feel bad. So...

 

 

 

...Stop panicking. You're stronger then this. I agree with your plan to let him come to you for two reasons: it will give him space and when he does get in touch with you, you will feel reassured that everything is ok. In the meantime, hit the gym, knit, do whatever you have to do to think about something else.

[serialgf]

 

also, there is such a thing as healthy jealousy. the type of jealousy that is not all consumming and it can actually make you laugh. you'll get there, i have hope for you!

 

can you tell me more about this "healthy" jealousy? i just don't get it...