dabears Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 This girl and I have been or had been hanging out for a few months....We did everything, most thought we were dating but we wernt. She would call me 2 or 3 times a day, and we would hang out when we could. We were intimate as well. We always talked about taking it to the next level, but did not want to until we figured out our own lifes first. I would say I pressed more than she did...but she for sure gave me signs, and also words saying I wasnt wasting my time. What I cant figure out is she just stopped calling one day, and didnt respond to my texts or voice mail. That was about a week ago, so really not that long, and especially not long when were not committed. It was just the first time in 4 months she hadnt called back, so i was just curious. My to much question is...All my friends say not to call or text her at all, she will if she wants to.....But, then you have me that wants to call her just to see whats up, send her an email or whatever...We are both mid 20's and i just figured i deserve a call or text just to say whats up...just for confirmation, we are not in middle school anymore...But I also do know, to much contact or attempts can and will annoy her, I just want to talk with her so bad! I am leaving for FL for a couple weeks, so maybe that will be enough to clear out my mind...
prettybaby Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 First of all: how many times have you tried to contact her since? (how many phone calls/voice mails? E-mails? Texts?) Second: how long will you be in FL? And if it's a long term move, could she have maybe decided that she wasn't up for a long distance relationship? Third: how much do you really know about her past and background? Could she be dealing with an ex that suddenly showed up again? Family issues?
BlueHarvest Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 And don't listen to your friends saying "Don't call her, she'll call if she wants you." That's the mind of a player talking there. If you like her...call her. Don't obssessively call her, but call her.
D-Jam Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 I say if you've called her and left her a message, then you did your part. Now it's on her hands. Her actions remind me of a lot of the women I've met in the last six years. They want to enjoy all the benefits of a boyfriend, but they want to remain single just in case a "bigger better deal" comes along. I've had women who made out with me and even one who slept with me...but they refused to call it "dating". Funny how one day they also stopped calling or taking my calls, then weeks later were calling some other guy "boyfriend". It's gotten me to the point when I see women play wishy-washy or flakey like yours is doing, I walk or back off. If she suddenly stops calling or taking my calls, I leave one message and then I don't call until she does. If she pops up months later saying "HEY!!!!!!! I missed you. We gotta get together and catch up!" I'll just politely tell her I'm busy, or if we talk deeper, then question why I should trust her. If she plays the "I don't know what I want" game...then tell her to call you when she figures it out. I'm not trying to be mean, but I hate seeing men or women waste their time on people who clearly are using them as a "for now" person. Seen guys do this BS to women as well. I'd rather the users get cut off and realize they have to offer more than just a good time if they want a decent person.
Gremio Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 If she pops up months later saying "HEY!!!!!!! I missed you. We gotta get together and catch up!" I'll just politely tell her I'm busy, or if we talk deeper, then question why I should trust her. If she plays the "I don't know what I want" game...then tell her to call you when she figures it out. That is how I am, except I don't believe in second chances. Once a screw up, always a screw up. I couldn't even remain friends with someone who is shady. I have severed friendships that I had for years because people played the disappearing game. dabears, I just went through this. We were going 100mph, she called and texted ME everyday, she stayed over, then BAM, 0mph. It's been two weeks, I have left my message, and now she is crossed off the list. Trust me, it is hard. I couldn't stop thinking about her, even when I was out with friends. The strangest part was just two days ago she changed her status on a social website saying mentioning my name, as if she was trying to be cute, indirectly. I ignored it. Be strong.
Author dabears Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 First of all: how many times have you tried to contact her since? (how many phone calls/voice mails? E-mails? Texts?) Second: how long will you be in FL? And if it's a long term move, could she have maybe decided that she wasn't up for a long distance relationship? Third: how much do you really know about her past and background? Could she be dealing with an ex that suddenly showed up again? Family issues? I have sent 2 texts and 1 call with a voicemail...No the FL trip is a just a couple week thing....About her past, I dont know it in great detail, but enough i feel...I know her ex has a GF now, and she has no feeling for her ex....One thing I know is her EX was not the nicest and did not treat her the best...Thats why it is surprising to me that she is being like this.(disrespectful)....I just want closure more than anything i guess....even though we were not dating the way we had been with each other...we def had feelings for each other....but then at the same time i think...we were not dating, then what do i need closure for...right?....Some part of me just wants to talk to remain friends...the other side of me is...the longer we dont talk, the more weird it will be when we see each other out. I am thinking about emailing her or calling her later this week...
Artu Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Do not listen to your friends,it`s a big mistake of many .. Listen to your heart and follow it .
Gremio Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Do not listen to your friends,it`s a big mistake of many .. Listen to your heart and follow it . Many people offer sound advice. dabears, I felt the same way too. After talking to her daily, spending time with her, her staying at my place, I knew we were not in a relationship, but I also wanted closure. Don't sweat it. I know it's hard, I just went through it. You will feel better if you stop contacting her. If you don't, you'll keep doing it. Each time hoping this is the time she replies. It will only hurt you more.
Author dabears Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Many people offer sound advice. dabears, I felt the same way too. After talking to her daily, spending time with her, her staying at my place, I knew we were not in a relationship, but I also wanted closure. Don't sweat it. I know it's hard, I just went through it. You will feel better if you stop contacting her. If you don't, you'll keep doing it. Each time hoping this is the time she replies. It will only hurt you more. Yeah...i 100% agree...I call, text, or whatever...then she doesnt reply...I will just wonder and hurt more and get my hopes up
dashing daisy Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 This seems really strange. It doesn't really make sense that she would call you 2-3 times a day for months and then just start ignoring you. Are you sure there aren't any extenuating circumstances? Family issues? She's really sick? (I don't mean like...a cold...I mean really sick.) If there are extenuating circumstances, or you don't know, I'd call her and just leave a message saying you're wondering how she is, and you thought about her or missed her. A phone call or two will suffice--no need to go overboard, you'll just be torturing yourself. If she doesn't reply, and you know that she's alive and okay, it's probably time to let it go. If there aren't any extenuating circumstances, it's kind of unacceptable and very rude to just drop you like that. It's hurtful, and not fair to you if that's just something she decided to do. I know you weren't in an official "relationship", but given the amount of time you spent together, I understand why you would want, and deserve, some closure, at the very least. But as much as it sucks, you might have to accept that you might not get it. If you want to make another phone call, do it, but remember that it's possible you won't get a reply, depending on what the circumstances are. Then I'd say try to keep busy with other things so you won't obsess over it.
D-Jam Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 This seems really strange. It doesn't really make sense that she would call you 2-3 times a day for months and then just start ignoring you. Unfortunately many men and women aren't as adult, sensible, and realistic as the rest of us here. It's terrible to hear how many times I've heard women doing that to men or men doing that to women. Like it's so hard to just say "I don't feel a spark, let's just be friends or go our separate ways...ok?"
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Unfortunately many men and women aren't as adult, sensible, and realistic as the rest of us here. It's terrible to hear how many times I've heard women doing that to men or men doing that to women. Like it's so hard to just say "I don't feel a spark, let's just be friends or go our separate ways...ok?" On the flip side, sometimes it's not always realistic to assume a scenario as a general rule of thumb versus a case-by-case basis. These examples provide a safety net which is fine and the OP will make the decision that is best for him. But this goes back to my other post, everyone wants a safety net in some form or another. I know I did at one point, but it had NOTHING to do with there being a loss of spark, the spark was there, believe me it zapped me pretty good.
Author dabears Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Well...I went to round 2!...even though i had more in opposition to it than in favor!...I called..left a message...she called back within the hour....I was busy when she called back, so i called her when my business was done and we talked for about 10-15 min...The convo was good actually..she did most of the talking...she asked if i went out this past weekend and with who...what i was up to this week, how work was going, etc....I made sure to end the convo, i did not want to talk to long..i said i had work to finish up So again, i am not sure what to do, she said she would talk to me later...I guess she would not have called me back if she did not want to...We did have a hitch 2 weekends ago that i never mentioned before, but we talked after that.(thats why i did not mention it)...so maybe she just needed some time... Honestly, just to hear her talk was good enough...I am not sure if i want to try and plan anything with her again...maybe just go do my own thing for awhile...im just a bit confused....
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