JonRambo Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 my girlfriend wants to go to a certain college next year, she has friends that go there so she goes up sometimes and visits. well this past time she left, we gotten in a fight because she left randomly and did not even tell me she was going until she was already on her way, blowing off the plans we had made for the next day. we do not really talk until she gets back ( which was all weekend) and she tells me that she made out with a guy when she was drunk and mad when we were fighting. she has a history of always going to guys when things are not going well between us, she did have the guts to tell me herself, and it was only kissing nothing more. i just feel so betrayed, she is my best friend and girl friend and never thought she would do this to me. she is extremely sorry for all of this, having to leave school and take off work to deal with what she has done. should i forgive her for what she has done to me? i have never been hurt like this before. any advice would really really help. thank you. -joe
Author JonRambo Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 please people i dont know what to do...
daithi Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 my girlfriend wants to go to a certain college next year, she has friends that go there so she goes up sometimes and visits. well this past time she left, we gotten in a fight because she left randomly and did not even tell me she was going until she was already on her way, blowing off the plans we had made for the next day. we do not really talk until she gets back ( which was all weekend) and she tells me that she made out with a guy when she was drunk and mad when we were fighting. she has a history of always going to guys when things are not going well between us, she did have the guts to tell me herself, and it was only kissing nothing more. i just feel so betrayed, she is my best friend and girl friend and never thought she would do this to me. she is extremely sorry for all of this, having to leave school and take off work to deal with what she has done. should i forgive her for what she has done to me? i have never been hurt like this before. any advice would really really help. thank you. -joe Em.. nobody can tell you what to do,. you could listen to your head which probably tells you leave, or you could listen to your heart which probably tells you stay. The issue I have is that everything you have an argument, is she going to go off with another guy and then be sorry. If your in a long distance relationship, how are you going to know if she is seeing someone else there behind your back. The only good thing is that she did fess up to you, which shows guilt and maybe real feelings for you. I had a similar thing happen to me, where some kissed guy kiss my ex girl and held her hands behind her back so she couldnt move, that hurt me alot even though it wasnt her fault, well she did take a drink off him, but it took me 3weeks but I got over it, and we got stronger. Im not saying thats the same as you, you have two choices, give her one chance, and if you do I would arrive up to her college unnounced some weekday just to see her cause you missed her, to see if anything is going on... check out her friends and the looks you get and if she parades you as her boyfriend, or you could ditch her and move on with your life, over a kiss. Your choice and my opinion.
WiseOne1 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 You can forgive her, or you can leave her. Through past experiences of not my own, normally the person makes the same mistake over and over after being forgiven. Not saying thats the case with you and your gf though. But her actions seem planned or fixed, seems like she was sneaking around or such, and makes it seem that it wasnt because of the alcohol. Normally when a person kisses someone else they dont act like that before its committed. The best way to think about it is, if you were in her shoes, would she forgive you and not break up with you?
lkjh Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 If she has a pattern of doing stuff like this you better be careful. Also, how do you know it was really just a kiss? She could have downplayed it.
samspade Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 A one-time, drunken slip up is forgivable, if she is truly sorry. However.... she has a history of always going to guys when things are not going well between us, This is a big red flag. And you should consider whether she's telling the whole truth. Women often disclose about 10-20% of what really happened. It also sounds like she is pulling away and looking for a change. If it were me, I'd end it. Regardless of how much happened, it was an act of disrespect, and there clearly is a pattern of disrespect.
justletgo07 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Sounds like, regardless of how you deal with this one incident, that you guys have some pretty serious issues to work out. Whether you forgive her for this or not, you need to look at the bigger picture, and decide whether this is something you can deal with, or if she is capable of changing. It sounds like this is a pattern of behavior for her. Just take some time to think about it. I know you love her, but honestly, you'll love someone else after her. Don't be scared to break things off because you don't want to be alone. Honestly, it seems like you are way more into this relationship than she is. That is never a good thing, and typically means you're on your way to a break up. Take a good look at things and figure out what your feelings are for her, and what feelings and emotions are about your insecurity or your belief that you will be unhappy without her. Try to untangle those emotions, and try not to make her or the relationship such a priority in your life. Either way, it sounds like you need to focus on yourself quite a bit more. Don't let her walk all over you. Set some boundaries, let her know what you will and will not tolerate, and stick to it.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 we do not really talk until she gets back ( which was all weekend) and she tells me that she made out with a guy when she was drunk and mad when we were fighting. she has a history of always going to guys when things are not going well between us Then thats all you need to know. She will cheat whenever you get into a fight. Get rid of her and fast. , she did have the guts to tell me herself, and it was only kissing nothing more. First of all, you don't know thats all that happened. Cheaters tell half truths to cover up the whole lie. And kissing is enough. but looks like you are trying to justify staying with her by saying "it was only kissing nothing more". So looks like you have already made up your mind. i just feel so betrayed, she is my best friend and girl friend and never thought she would do this to me. ???? Uh, you already said she has a HISTORY of running to guys when you and her are having bad moments. So how is what she did any surprise?? she is extremely sorry for all of this, having to leave school and take off work to deal with what she has done. Uh huh, sure she is sorry. She got what she wanted and apparently planned to do. You and her had plans, but she blows them off and leaves to see friends at a college without telling you?? She knew what she was doing. It was premeditated. A girl doesn't blow off a boyfriend like that for a whole weekend unless she plans on hooking up with other guys. WAKE UP!!! should i forgive her for what she has done to me? No, but I have a feeling you are going to anyway. i have never been hurt like this before. any advice would really really help. thank you. -joe Speaking from experience, I have been where you have been. I have been hurt and felt desperation and acted like a forgiving lapdog in the face of obvious betrayal and lack of caring from someone who claims to love me. I learned the hard way, as I believe you are about to do since I think you are going to blindly forgive her. But I can tell you, unless you man up and kick her to the curb, she will do this to you over, and over again. She already has a history of doing it and she knows she can play you like a fiddle and get away with it. Take away her power. Lose the tart. Or you will regret it.
WiseOne1 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 I'm sorry, but like dexter says, this was complety thought out.. Sure its probably the truth that she was mad at you, but she was thinking to herself "I'm going to make out with this guy" bassically she knew was her intentions were the whole time. Also she blew u off the whole weekend until she was done with the other dude, the she decided to make contact. In court this would be the most unbelievable thing ever, and it would get thrown out. So instead of talking it out with u when you have a disagreement she's gonna go kiss a dude everytime?????
BCCA Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 The best way to predict future behavior is by looking at past behavior. She has a history of running to other guys when you two fight, so I have to throw this out there...she could be starting fights to give her an excuse. And honestly man, if she went off and kissed one person one time while drunk and confessed, then promised it would never happen again, then MAYBE I would consider letting it slide. This girl has done it multiple times - what reason do you have to believe she'll ever stop? I would dump her and never bother with her again. She seems selfish and immature, and you are being played. Dont let it go on any longer.
BackonTrack2 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 end it now, she's using you. your all messed up in the head and she's perfectly fine. i been where you are, end it now or you will regret not doing so.
FF84 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Be a man and take charge. You can't let her get away with this sort of thing or she'll run rings around you forever and you'll end up getting hurt again. Stand up to her and show yourself some respect. It might also make her respect you more and she may realise what she's lost. But if you forgive her then this will just happen again.
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