New here - and just broken up with

[winash]

Hi, I am new to this forum and my boyfriend just dropped the bomb on me. I'm really sad right now and would appreciate any advice.

 

We dated for three and a half years. I'm 22, he's 25. We lived near each other so we saw each other often and everything was great. He got a job offer in California and took it. He moved in September and we were doing the long distance thing because he was unsure of whether he wanted me to move out there or not. I was told tonight that he decided it wouldn't work out because he is not ready to commit and move forward. He was just here for Thanksgiving and everything was fine. Now this happens.

 

I was certain I wanted to move to be with him, as I really don't have family or friends here. I really felt like what I wanted was to move forward and get married, but I guess we weren't on the same page.

 

It just sucks when you lose your best friend and love. I am so bummed out right now

[hereandnow]

I know how you're feeling now. My gf broke up with me a month and a half ago, and I was a complete wreck at first. Take heart though, you've come to the right place. Posting on here and reading other posts has been a lifesaver for me.

 

I would also recommend opening up to family and friends. Talk, talk, talk about it. It takes the edge off. Try to stay busy, even if you feel like s***. Fake it til you make it. I've been going out a lot recently, even to the point of staying at bars with friends until closing time. And I don't drink! I'd be lying if I said I've made it to the other side, but I do feel better. Exercise really helps too.

 

We can get through this pain together. Keep posting, even if it's just how bummed you are and possibly the extreme actions you're thinking of taking to get him back. My heart goes out to you!

[DSM-IV Tom]

Hereandnow speaks the truth.

 

That's cold hearted that he did that but at least it happened now and not after you spent all the money to move out there, you know? This seems to be inevitable, so at least you caught it on the best side of the coin.

 

There are two things you can do. Both are No Contact.

 

Scenario A).:

Cut off all contact, and do not contact him or let him contact you. (As in, ignore him). Period. Til you heal.

 

Scenario B).:

Tell him how much you love him and care about him and how much you've always cared about him, but you cannot talk to him if he doesn't want to be together, because it's too painful. Then cut off all contact 100%, and don't DARE ever contact him again unless he makes it clear he wants to try to work things out.

 

 

 

And don't listen to the people here who will criticize me for using NC to get back a lost love. All is fair in love and war, and Scenario B is by FAR the best chance you have of getting back the person you want. But don't bank on it. Make sure within scenario B you attempt to try to heal, along the way. Don't just expect to get back together. Hope for the best, because it's your best chance, but expect to just move on.