xpaperxcutx Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Anybody ever felt they can't have their SO meet their friends and family because you're ashamed of them?
IrishCarBomb Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 The opposite: ashamed of my drunken hooligan friends to have my SO meet them.
awesomeness43 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 why would you be someone you are ashamed or embarrassed of? that is not fair to you nor your SO.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 why would you be someone you are ashamed or embarrassed of? that is not fair to you nor your SO. I'm just asking hypothetically. What if you really love them but it always annoys you to be seen out in public with them? What if you were on a train and you wished you were at the end of the train or even a feet away from your SO because you didn't want others to think you were together?
MN randomguy Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Whaaaaa?? I'm so confused. Is he butt ugly? Go around farting on people's faces? Gotta agree, why would anyone date someone they're ashamed of? Need more clarification.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Whaaaaa?? I'm so confused. Is he butt ugly? Go around farting on people's faces? Gotta agree, why would anyone date someone they're ashamed of? Need more clarification. I'm not saying it's a situation of why would you date someone you're ashamed of, but what if suddenly you start noticing things about them that you'd never really noticed before. Like they're short, or they look unkempt? Suddenly it seems like you enjoy their company, but when it comes to having them around your friends, you feel ashamed because they can't live up to most people's expectations. OR the fact that you're suddenly self-conscious about being an item with someone you feel doesn't exactly look or act the way you wish they would?
PrincessPeach Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 If you are ever to the point of being ashamed of your SO, regardless of reason, it's most likely a problem with yourself rather than him/her. If you stay with somone you are ashamed of, regardless of reason, that's also likely to be a problem with yourself. It's not fair to the person your with if you stay together and are ashamed of them and your not being completely honest with yourself if you are staying with them despite that fact. Either find someone else who you aren't going to be ashamed of or take time to evaluate yourself and get to the root of the problem within you. You shouldn't be with someone you are ashamed of. Period.
RecordProducer Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Anybody ever felt they can't have their SO meet their friends and family because you're ashamed of them?I was ashamed of my first boyfriend. Later I realized that nobody thought he was bad; people thought he was really cool. I am still ashamed I dated someone like him.
Trialbyfire Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Anybody ever felt they can't have their SO meet their friends and family because you're ashamed of them? There are two reasons that I can think of, offhand:You're looking for a reason to break up with someone, so you focus on the negative.You see your SO as being a reflection of yourself.Neither is a good thing. No, I've never been ashamed to be with an SO.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 I was ashamed of my first boyfriend. Later I realized that nobody thought he was bad; people thought he was really cool. I am still ashamed I dated someone like him. Exactly RP. That's what I thought.
stillafool Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 I'm not saying it's a situation of why would you date someone you're ashamed of, but what if suddenly you start noticing things about them that you'd never really noticed before. Like they're short, or they look unkempt? Suddenly it seems like you enjoy their company, but when it comes to having them around your friends, you feel ashamed because they can't live up to most people's expectations. OR the fact that you're suddenly self-conscious about being an item with someone you feel doesn't exactly look or act the way you wish they would? If I felt like this about them it's simple, I'd break up and move on.
Lishy Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 I have had that feeling with my ex, I would worry about how he would act when drunk as he was unpredictable so it would make me nervous and of he acted like a dick I would feel well embarressed!
Star Gazer Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 The opposite: ashamed of my drunken hooligan friends to have my SO meet them. Precisely. I'd never date someone who I wouldn't want to proudly show off to the entire world.
LoveJonesRomance Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 This is new. And why would I date someone I'm ashamed of?
norajane Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Yes, that's happened to me. I dated someone in college and a few years afterward who I felt embarrassed by in three types of circumstances. 1) He was the romantic poet type, which is all very well and good and one of the reasons I fell in love with him, however, he never would make an effort to dress properly for formal occasions, such as work functions and holiday parties and weddings. So, I stopped inviting him to go with me. 2) His family lived a couple hundred miles away, so when we spent the holidays with them or visited, we'd generally stay overnight or for a few days. He spent most of that time in the garage, changing the oil on their cars or whatever, or running to the store to buy parts and being gone forever, leaving me alone with the family. He did this to the point that he'd be late for dinner, miss spending any time with grandma when she stopped by, would not go with the family to various things they might have planned. I was upset that I was the one who was spending all this time with his family, and thoroughly embarrassed that he dissed them like that when they were very kind people. 3) His father is a minister, so Christmas and Easter visits really had a lot of church activities, like pancake breakfasts, the children's choir and play performances, and services. He would not go to many of those because he doesn't believe in God, and just would not suck it up and go to please his family. Looking back, this was all a sign of how little respect he had for people. One of the reasons I broke up with him, though there were many others.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Yes, that's happened to me. I dated someone in college and a few years afterward who I felt embarrassed by in three types of circumstances. 1) He was the romantic poet type, which is all very well and good and one of the reasons I fell in love with him, however, he never would make an effort to dress properly for formal occasions, such as work functions and holiday parties and weddings. So, I stopped inviting him to go with me. 2) His family lived a couple hundred miles away, so when we spent the holidays with them or visited, we'd generally stay overnight or for a few days. He spent most of that time in the garage, changing the oil on their cars or whatever, or running to the store to buy parts and being gone forever, leaving me alone with the family. He did this to the point that he'd be late for dinner, miss spending any time with grandma when she stopped by, would not go with the family to various things they might have planned. I was upset that I was the one who was spending all this time with his family, and thoroughly embarrassed that he dissed them like that when they were very kind people. 3) His father is a minister, so Christmas and Easter visits really had a lot of church activities, like pancake breakfasts, the children's choir and play performances, and services. He would not go to many of those because he doesn't believe in God, and just would not suck it up and go to please his family. Looking back, this was all a sign of how little respect he had for people. One of the reasons I broke up with him, though there were many others. Well Nora my ex is like that. 1) He was a online gaming junkie who could spent hours on the computer 2) He lived 2 hour away from me and everytime I visit him he never had the courtesy to take me out 3) I remember the holidays when we spent our time together. He left me alone with his family while he went outside to smoke with his friend. It was very awkward, since I wanted to spent time with him, but he left me alone on his family couch for an hour and more. 4) He was very unkempt, he only did his laundry once a week. And even then he didn't have a very good hygiene. He hardly ever shaves, and leaves trash around his room like its a garbage dump.
likestolaugh Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 sad to say I have. She was not pretty at all (she wasn't ugly however).... there was huge social pressure to date someone really good looking at the time...
RecordProducer Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Exactly RP. That's what I thought.You know what it means, right? You're ashamed of him before yourself. You expect more and believe you deserve better. In my case, it was his lack of education and class that really bothered me - and I don't mean in the snobby way. I mean, he couldn't put two sentences together to save his life, his interests and views were very primitive, he was a high-school drop-out, a beer man who didn't shave and shower for a week at times (during the summer)... should I continue? Cuz there's more, trust me.
Trialbyfire Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 You know what it means, right? You're ashamed of him before yourself. You expect more and believe you deserve better. In my case, it was his lack of education and class that really bothered me - and I don't mean in the snobby way. I mean, he couldn't put two sentences together to save his life, his interests and views were very primitive, he was a high-school drop-out, a beer man who didn't shave and shower for a week at times (during the summer)... should I continue? Cuz there's more, trust me. I have to ask. Why did you date him in the first place?
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I have to ask. Why did you date him in the first place? lol, I have to ask too - especially the part about not showering for a week straight, eesh!
Trialbyfire Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 lol, I have to ask too - especially the part about not showering for a week straight, eesh! I can understand not knowing some of this until after the first date but much of it would have been obvious, like inability to string together two sentences, interests, views primitive, unclean, etc. I dated this jock ONCE, who grossed me out with his eating habits and lack of interesting convo. It turned me off lugheaded jocks for life. He stalked me for an entire semester, asking me out again and again, until I had my friends watch for him and then hid, when he went by. I even climbed into a locker once!
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I can understand not knowing some of this until after the first date but much of it would have been obvious, like inability to string together two sentences, interests, views primitive, unclean, etc. I dated this jock ONCE, who grossed me out with his eating habits and lack of interesting convo. It turned me off lugheaded jocks for life. He stalked me for an entire semester, asking me out again and again, until I had my friends watch for him and then hid, when he went by. I even climbed into a locker once! True I can understand if it was a first date nervous nellies but maybe she was attracted to him on some other level. Maybe he looked liked Matthew Mcconaughey, I have heard that he does not shower nor use deodarant and he's pretty hickish in real life. I don't know much else about him but most would say he's a good source of eye candy and a good actor but I don't think I could get past the real life non-showering non-deodarant hippy aspect.
RecordProducer Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I have to ask. Why did you date him in the first place?I was a teenager. I didn't know any better. Once I grew up, I ditched him and never looked back. The crap that we voluntarily put ourselves in is unbelievable, retrospectively.
dashing daisy Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 My opinion. 1) You have an issue with self-confidence, and don't trust your own choices enough to not be ashamed of them. or 2) You don't actually like him enough to want to be in a public relationship with him. If you like someone enough to be in a real committed relationship, you don't have to like everything about them, but the good outweighs the bad.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 You know what it means, right? You're ashamed of him before yourself. You expect more and believe you deserve better. In my case, it was his lack of education and class that really bothered me - and I don't mean in the snobby way. I mean, he couldn't put two sentences together to save his life, his interests and views were very primitive, he was a high-school drop-out, a beer man who didn't shave and shower for a week at times (during the summer)... should I continue? Cuz there's more, trust me. lol RP, I can just understand what you went through. At the time did it felt like his needs always came first?
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