zilverenvlinder Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 My boyfriend, is a cheater and a liar. Every day for the last year I have thought about that smug, ugly little whore he was sticking it to while we were together and what I would do to her if I ever saw her. It's been getting worse as time goes on. The last couple of months (we live together) we've been getting in huge fights. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and he left me. I told him I trust him 95 percent. He said that wasn't enough. The last few days have been SUPER rough. We've been taking "turns" staying at our townhouse. Only up until yesterday have we gotten it together enough to stay together the entire day and night. He slept on the couch. Today he is visiting a friend out of state. He had one of his friends at work email me with "J says he loves you and he will call you as soon as he gets there." So, whatever. He calls me and tells me he loves me and misses me. Then he tells me to "take care", which is awkward. I don't know if I love him too much to let him go or hate him for being such an awful boyfriend. Does it seem like he wants things to work out? He said he didn't know. Thanks! z
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Let me sum this up for you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. The end. Time to start a relationship with the NC rule.
Dmoney28 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 "Once a cheater always a cheater" is not always true. Thats like saying "once a good person always good" person". People who suffer a huge tragedy are capable of heart felt change...if they want to, for the right reasons. Now as far as your boyfriend...he messed up...its his job to gain your trust and respect. As of now, he dosent sound very sincere in doing that. As a matter of fact he's disrepectful and a selfish jerk. Did he apologize?..did ask for forgivness?..did he show remorse?..did he try and make retribution? Did he seek any counselling or psychologist sessions to address his cheating and honesty issues?...if he hasnt done all of these..or at least 95%...he's not sorry. He'll probly do it again. WTF, HE said 95% of YOUR trust wasnt good enough? Does he not understand he is the one who screwed up?.....that at this point you have control of the fate of this relationship. The ball is yur court. You are the drummer, and if he want back, he has to dance to your beat. This dude needs a serious reality check. Now i can say leave him...but we both know you wont do that. So honestly you have to find some way to seperate yourself from him, at least a couple of months, NC. You need to get through this "denial" fog...get your emotions out...and then see if you still want him and love him. right now he dosent deserve squat. You are angry and hurt...and he needs to realize how bad he broke your trust and love for you. You have to show self respect and Cut him off at the knees. If he shows a change in attitude and tries to come back...then make him earn your trust back...earn your respect back. He needs to express how bad he hurt you...and start making some serious changes. This will take awhile, and if he loves you he will bust his @$$ to show you that. If not....he'll most likely do it again...because he knows you will take him back
Gremio Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Let me sum this up for you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. The end. Time to start a relationship with the NC rule. +1 there. There is no reason for someone else to have to contact you for him. I am concerned by what you said though, that you want to hurt the woman involved. Now I despise cheaters, I lose all respect if someone does, but keep this in mind: often times the other person involved doesn't know the cheater is in a relationship. Since he was obviously lying to you, perhaps he was lying to the other person too. BTW, I know it is very hard, but try not to look at it was wasted time. I was in a three year LTR, and was dumped for someone else, then she came crawling back with the "I made the biggest mistake of my life" excuse. I don't look at it as wasted time. We had some great memories together, and it was a good, but hard learning experience.
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