Ah, High School Crushes

[Bwg]

Hey all,

 

I need some help on the following. Thanks in advance.

Before I write you a long wall of text I will give you some background information about myself and this girl I have a crush on. We'll call her Sue.

 

I am an extremely shy guy that has been raised on good morals. I go to church regularly and attend a youth program. I do not drink/smoke because I see no point in it and I do not intend on drinking until I'm legal. I have a few friends at school and a few friends at another school that I talk to on a regular basis. I'm not really into the whole social scene (parties, football games, etc) but I'm not anitsocial or anything like that. I wear decent clothing (not the popular brands) and I consider myself a handsome young man. I haven't been in a relationship for about five years and the seriousness of that relationship was questionable (middle school).

 

Sue is around my age. She is extremely outgoing and is very comfortable to talk to. I feel that I can talk to her without feeling like an idiot or being judged. I like her sense of humor and we share similar interests in music.

 

I'm 17 years old and I have a few classes with this girl I think I have a crush on. At the beginning of the year I would always look forward to my classes with her just because I would get to see her. I told one of her friends I liked her and asked the friend if she was in a relationship or not. She is/was not. I hoped of talking to her but it never really happened. I eventually moved on to not chasing girls and eventually forgot about Sue. Recently Sue's friend talked to me and asked how much I liked her. I was shocked and excited at the same time. It was a welcome surprise to say the least. I said a pretty good bit which was kind of an understatement. Over the course of a few days the friend acted as a messenger (because I am shy) and gave me her number that she gave to the friend.

 

I called her when my parents weren't home for privacy. My parents (one or the other) usually are home everyday of the week except for that day at that time. I was surprised at her attitude and found it was anything but awkward to talk her. She explained to me that she had a sexual relationship with a man that was in college that didn't live near her but was alumni. He dumped her and she says that she doesn't want to go through the whole dating scene again and was out of it. My heart sank. I think she still has feelings for him because of some clues over the phone.

 

I don't know what to do now. I really do like her and want to have something more.

 

Thanks in advance again and I do apologize for the wall of text

-Bwg

[prettybaby]

I haven't been in a relationship for about five years

...

I'm 17 years old

So, you were 12?

 

Anyway, I don't think you should give up. You'll just have to go slowly.

 

Obviously, Sue likes you. She has talked to her friend and gave her phone number, so clearly, she likes you and wanted you to call her. So you definitely stand a chance.

 

Ask her to hang out with you some time, grab something to eat or go do something together during the day. It will be casual and relaxed enough and you'll be able to get to know each other better without any pressure.

 

I honestly wouldn't give up. She may still be struggling with some feelings and insecurities related to the other guy, but she is interested in you. What she told you about being sexually involved with him was a very personal thing to share; it's not the type of information girls share with any random guy friend. I think she wanted you to be aware of the situation so you'd know what you're dealing with, and she may have been partly testing your reaction to see whether you'd still be interested in spite of that.

[Viking]

I can't offer too much advice on that subject aside from just keep pursuing, but don't push.

 

On a different note, your post is one of the best I've read in a LONG time. You've got great sentence structure, proper punctuation, and it looks like you took time to use proper grammar and whatnot. That is a rarity it seems. Nice first post!

[zenith]

you are only 17, kid.

 

don't think too much about this Sue and date other girls...

 

invest more time for yourself; work out, learn something new, join a club etc...

[prettybaby]

you are only 17, kid.

 

don't think too much about this Sue and date other girls...

 

invest more time for yourself; work out, learn something new, join a club etc...

No offense, but that's such BS. Relationships matter as much to people when they're 17 as when they're 30. Sure, they're not the same at all, but they do matter as much. I think he has a chance with her. He really likes her. So telling him to date other chicks like nothing matters isn't gonna help his situation.

[zenith]

No offense, but that's such BS. Relationships matter as much to people when they're 17 as when they're 30. Sure, they're not the same at all, but they do matter as much. I think he has a chance with her. He really likes her. So telling him to date other chicks like nothing matters isn't gonna help his situation.

 

hahaha sure, but he is only 17, he is still very young and is learning.

 

He needs to experience more with different girls too, that is all I'm saying.

 

Don't become a 'one woman man'

[JohnnyBlaze]

I've got to agree with PB on this one; yeah, he's young and learning, but the signs are there that she likes him, and he's looking to date her right now, not marry her. So BWP, like PB said, take it easy, but stay on this one. You seem like the patient type, so I doubt you'll have to make many (if any) changes to your approach. Don't push her so hard that she backs away, but don't let her forget about you, either.

[Bwg]

Alright guys, I appreciate the advice and I'll apply it, then see what happens.

 

Thanks again,

-Bwg

[Bwg]

Okay so I called her again and she did most of the talking. At one point she tangented off and started talking about a guy she met online. She still writes him from what it seems and actually might live near him for a brief period over the summer. I don't really know what to do so I think I'm going to tell her how I feel soon; hopefully face to face. If not, maybe over the phone.

 

Thanks again guys (and gals) for listening,

-Bwg

[prettybaby]

Sounds like you've developed feelings for a pretty bad match. You sound like the calmer type who's looking to grow in a relationship, while she's still trying to figure herself out and is not ready to settle any time soon. I suspect she even thrives on ego boosts and doesn't really know what she wants. I still think she likes you, but I guess her mind and heart are scattered all over the place. Not good.

 

To be honest, that's probably not the type of relationship that would make you happy. I think you'd be in for a serious head- & heartache.

 

Also, I doubt that declaring your feelings will do any good (has it ever even worked for anybody?). I know it seems like the most radical solution that goes straight to the point, and people tend to think "if I don't say it, I'll never know what I missed". However, I would rethink that, because chances are high that this approach blows up in your face. There are different approaches that can give you a clear answer too. The way she acts around you and treats you says a whole lot more than any words that could come out of her mouth. She's not stupid, if you make moves, she'll know how you feel about her, so I don't think it's necessary to verbally pour all your feelings out for her to crush.

 

On a more positive note: Summer is over 6 months away. Plenty of time for you to grow closer to her in the mean time. That's IF you're willing to put that much time and effort into someone who might not reciprocate in the end. So that's for you to decide.

[Bwg]

Although it's not the particular response I was hoping for, I'll try to go by it, but I will continue to keep an eye on Sue.

 

Thanks again for the advice,

-Bwg