semihibernation Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Hey everyone, just signed up after lurking for about the past month, since I realized my gf of almost 3 years was not as interested anymore and began pulling away. I think this site is great, and I'm really happy to be able to post this, at least just to get it off my chest. We met at the end of my senior year in high school, I'm now a junior in college. Since I first left for college, probably 5 months into our relationship, it has been mostly long distance. We are home for breaks and summer, other than that we visit sometimes, being about 3 hours apart with no vehicles. Everything was great for a while, we talked all the time, longed to see eachother, so when we did it was amazing. This past summer, we were coming off of a sort of rough patch, but being around eachother all break seemed to bring us together again. We talked, however, about not being sure where things would go this coming school year. At the time, I felt strong with my feelings that I too would like to see what else is out there. Now, we are about a month from her finally coming out and saying she doesn't have feelings for me the way she used to. Despite my feeling similarly, I seem to have gone into a sort of panic mode and immediately found myself fighting her decision. I realized relatively quickly that I wasn't sure what I actually even wanted and backed off. We went home for Thanksgiving, however, spent time together, and I found myself with feelings again. Upon returning to school, I again realized that this was probably largely based off of my being comfortable with her, so we didn't talk much. Today, I finally realized that whether I have real feelings for her or not, she no longer does, and so I sent her a message saying that I'm not interested in anything that she can give me anymore, and I think it would be best if we didn't spend any time together over break or anything. It was fun while it lasted, but now its in the past. I felt strong in saying this, realizing that I am actually embarassed by how weak I let her make me feel when I was initially rejected, and I do know that this is what i need. The problem is this, she sent me back a message saying good bc a i feel the same way, you were a great boyfriend and you'll make somebody very happy. The truth is, i didn't expect her to say anything different than this, but I still find myself shocked that this is the reality before me. Now we will go home and not even see eachother... I know I'm young and it's not as if I expected this to last forever, but I just feel so lost without her... I used to tell her everything that happened in my daily life, and we would relate so well. Now she's gone, and nobody cares about those little details of my life... Where do I go from here? Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this.
Surfer Dude Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 From what I see here, she found another dude. People don't break up without someone lined up as a safety net. I'm sorry you have to hear this, but it's the harsh truth usually. Only time and optimist attitude can help you heal. After a while, you'll find that she is no longer center of your life, that she isn't the point of reference anymore. I also used to tell my ex everything that happened in my life, we'd exchange several emails a day. When she was gone, I was shocked that something like that happened, that my life changed so much, it was almost surreal. It's the worst phase of coping, but as long as you keep a healthy attitude about the whole situation and rationalize everything, you'll be fine. Just don't let depression take place. Grief is natural and normal to an extent though.
TeaAbraham Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Yeah, it's definitely easier to say something like you said to her about not seeing each other and not know what her response is, haha. What can ya do. You already knew the truth though. It's just easier when it's a little bit further away. Yep. Nobody cares about those little details. It's sad =-\ It's not bad though, just different. You go where your feet take you. Sounds like you didn't actually mean that text you wrote but you thought it was the right thing to do. You should probably just keep doing what you think is the right thing to do. It was hard telling her that, but I for one respect you for it. It's not always easy doing what you've got to do, but you did it. Just keep running with it.
alwayssme Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 As more time passes, this will pass too. Since your feelings for her are gone as well, it shouldn't be that bad. I mean you did say you don't want to be with her right? It sucks going from that comfort level and having someone who loves you to being on your own but it's a part of life and it does make you a stronger person. I learned this the hard way, but some things just aren't meant to be. It's a transition going from being in love to flying solo, the world feels colder without someone to care for you but over time it really does make you a stronger and more mature person. You grow, you learn and you get to focus on you! Be happy that you're not in love with her, otherwise you would have felt crushed. I did when my ex "lost feelings". I wish I would have felt the way you felt.
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