openbook08 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 whatever you did or didnt do whatever was right or wrong for you youre obviously hurting...sorry to hear that rebounds? och, ill never understand!!
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 openbook is a kind hearted person. I care about people very much as well, but my methods for helping are far different. I'd rather go straight to the point and deal with the hard stuff right up front. I won't lie to you if you messed up. I'll tell you messed up, so you can learn from that and heal. You will heal, anastasia. You are allowed to make mistakes, especially since it was your first relationship. But it was a mistake. You shouldn't have done it, but you did. And now in the future, I am sure you won't. And therefor, you learned one of life's key lessons (at least regarding relationships/relations). Congratulations. Love 101, as I've said before, is where you go through the most stress and learn the hardest lessons.
Anastasia0309 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 So, when you started this thread about getting over you Ex-girlfriend was it the most recent one? Is this the one you started dating 8 months after the other break up? Just out of curiosity? Do you ever really get over your first serious relationship? Ugh!
stoneymirror Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Every person is different. Some people will wait a long time before they're ready to date again, other's can do it right away. Personally I've been the guy who's waited too long, and I won't make that mistake again. In my first LTR I waited almost 2 yrs before I became serious again with another girl. I just wouldn't let it go, and it destroyed me. Since then I've had many LTR's and with each breakup the healing process has been dramatically cut down. My ex broke up with me a little over 5 weeks ago, and I've already been seeing a new girl. We've hung out a few times and I've really enjoyed her company. Things are now getting a little physical and I don't have any regrets what so ever. I just don't understand why someone would pass up on being with someone that actually wants to be with you... Of course it's important to realize what you may have done wrong in the last relationship, but I don't believe you should beat yourself up over it for an extended period of time. Remember it takes two to tango so the old relationship breaking up was a result of both of you, not just you... You really do need to move on with your life. Realize what you could improve on, and then get out there. Why hold out? You get your confidence back and you may discover this new interest of yours is exactly what you've been looking for. One door closes another opens. Take advantage of every opportunity you have. You don't want to be looking back some day, like I've done in my past and ask myself, WHY on EARTH did I let this ex take any more time away from me. I could have been out there having fun, meeting new people, and instead I hung on too tight to a relationship that was non existant. And just so you people know this first LTR I had I did end up getting back together with her almost 8 yrs later, and I dumped her after 2 months. I wasted 2 yrs of my life waiting and wanting this girl back. It was all in my head, and it wasn't the girl that I wanted, it was the lonliness that I let get to me. Good luck people, don't hold back for anything.
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 This thread is indeed based on losing my recent ex. (My second love). The pain is unreal when I remember the details and memories of times we had together. It hurts so bad it makes me want to put a bullet through my head. But I never would. I have to fight it at full strength; its like lifting weights for your mind. This is what makes your mind stronger, like weights make your body stronger.. And yes I am finally over my first love. Ironically, it is because I lost my second love. I still missed my first love up until I lost my second one. How odd, right? Maybe I wasn't ready to move on either, and I rebounded after 8 months. Sounds like I screwed up. You and I may have something in common anastasia lol...
openbook08 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 openbook is a kind hearted person. I care about people very much as well, but my methods for helping are far different. I'd rather go straight to the point and deal with the hard stuff right up front. I won't lie to you if you messed up. I'll tell you messed up, so you can learn from that and heal. . its the teacher in me again!! ive got the small ones so always the first to soften the blow!! but i like your frank attitude dsm-iv tom, you still manage to do it in a way that doesnt patronise someone. sometimes tough love is exactly whats needed.
openbook08 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Every person is different. Some people will wait a long time before they're ready to date again, other's can do it right away. Personally I've been the guy who's waited too long, and I won't make that mistake again. In my first LTR I waited almost 2 yrs before I became serious again with another girl. I just wouldn't let it go, and it destroyed me. Since then I've had many LTR's and with each breakup the healing process has been dramatically cut down. My ex broke up with me a little over 5 weeks ago, and I've already been seeing a new girl. We've hung out a few times and I've really enjoyed her company. Things are now getting a little physical and I don't have any regrets what so ever. I just don't understand why someone would pass up on being with someone that actually wants to be with you... Of course it's important to realize what you may have done wrong in the last relationship, but I don't believe you should beat yourself up over it for an extended period of time. Remember it takes two to tango so the old relationship breaking up was a result of both of you, not just you... You really do need to move on with your life. Realize what you could improve on, and then get out there. Why hold out? You get your confidence back and you may discover this new interest of yours is exactly what you've been looking for. One door closes another opens. Take advantage of every opportunity you have. You don't want to be looking back some day, like I've done in my past and ask myself, WHY on EARTH did I let this ex take any more time away from me. I could have been out there having fun, meeting new people, and instead I hung on too tight to a relationship that was non existant. And just so you people know this first LTR I had I did end up getting back together with her almost 8 yrs later, and I dumped her after 2 months. I wasted 2 yrs of my life waiting and wanting this girl back. It was all in my head, and it wasn't the girl that I wanted, it was the lonliness that I let get to me. Good luck people, don't hold back for anything. loved your post, got me thinkin! thanks
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Heh together we all make a good team
stoneymirror Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 good to hear you're thinking things over openbook. U really need to see that this ex of yours wasn't right for you, otherwise it would have worked out right? Don't hesitate, go out with someone, I can gurantee you, YOU won't regret it. How nice would it be to meet someone who's on the same page as you. Want's a commited relationship, has good values, isn't going to leave you high and dry. Or do you really want to get back with that ex of yours so you can feel insecure the whole time. I think you'd have to be insane to go back and expect anything different from this ex of yours. People change but they do it on their own pace. If you like being left out in the cold and wondering how this ex of yours could throw everything away at a drop of a hat , then by all means try and get them back. The trust that's been compromised in a breakup is very hard to gain back. You'll always live in doubt and wondering if this person is gonna do it again. Save yourself some more heartache and get out there and meet someone. Anyone, even if that's just a friend. If your ex comes running back to you and pleas with you to take them back, then I might reconsider things, but obviously there's going to be a lot of work to rebuilding that trust. Might or might not be worth the effort, who knows. Your ex was intitled to break up with you, but it's really all in the way they go about it that might tell you how this person really valued you. We all make mistakes but you need to know that there are other people out there that'll actually want to be with you. Why try and fight to make someone be with you again. It very rarely works and even if it does, you're left looking like a total schmuck that's desperate. Don't become this person you'll regret it later trust me. I've been there and done that.
openbook08 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 aww shucks i feel all warm and fuzzy!! im gonna keep reading your words stoneymirror, they make so much sense. just gotta start believing in them, wholeheartedly and NOT the fake way i know ive been doin (meanwhile you know exactly whats been really goin on in the back of my head) now if only there was a dating scene here!! thanks again everyone.
Anastasia0309 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 I'm feelin some chemistry between Dsm-IV Tom and Openbook! Oooolalalal!=)
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Anastasia and openbook, post your pics
stoneymirror Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 openbook you need to trust that head of yours and tell your heart to relax a bit. Catch yourself going down a depressing tunnel of doubt and squash it right away. It's the only way. Catch it early and often. Like a bad addiction that you desperately need to kick. It's tough when you have to re-adjust to living without the ex I know. I was living with mine for almost 2 years. But what you really need to see is that you were perfectly fine without the ex before you started dating right. You were confident with who you were and what you wanted. Well now that you're on your own again it's hard to see that old self. You don't need this ex of yours, you never did. You fell into love and basically gave your heart to someone, and that's what everyone wants. Unfortunately this jerk took advantage of you and now you're hurt. That's okay, some people are down right selfish. You can't do anything about it, let them go on and live their miserable life on their own, or with someone else who's on their level. Trust me these people will have issues their whole life until they figure out how to treat and respect people. but you can't trust someone like that again. They're selfish and wouldn't see a good thing if it hit them between the eyes. You're lucky openbook and everyone else here who's been dumped. These ex's of ours did us a huge favor. We're nice people, with good healthy pricipals, they are the ones who are confused and doubting themselves. People jump ship cause they're afraid, or are just giving into their sexual desires. In either case these people need best be left alone. They're messed up and have taken you along for a ride. So here's your opportunity to run from a potential huge liability. Take it and don't look back. Again if the ex does come around and appologize and is open to talking and working on things then maybe it'll be worth a second look. But even then you really have to ask yourself is this really the person I want to be with? Are they going to be dependable, reliable and there for me in tough times. These ex's of ours are cowards that's why they lied, cheated and decieved us in the first place. They're the ones who need help. Rest assured you were dumped by someone who probably doesn't even value themselves very highly so having any respect for you would be almost impossible. Good luck everyone I wish you the best
Anastasia0309 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Post our pictures. So, everyone could see who I am? Don't know about that. What if my ex is on this thing. LOL
openbook08 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 stoneymirror im printing off your posts tomorrow & carrying them around with me! THANK YOU SO MUCH! i too, wish you all the best and hope i can help you someday in the future! dsm-iv tom youve seen my pic before! well, one of your alter-egos has anyway!
stoneymirror Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Awesome Openbook you do what you have to, to get through this. But remain strong. You deserve the best and the ex is just that an ex now forget about what could have been and start focusing on the future.
openbook08 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 maybe christmas wont be so bad after all... when you say focus on the future could this justify goin out buying a few knockout dresses for the party season ha ha lol many thanks again, take the good with the bad! and gobble stoneymirror up :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Oh ya you looked good open. Anastasia, your turn rofl. If your ex is on this site, i'll pretend to be your bf and he will feel worthless in comparison. He'll get OWNED!!
melissa123 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Only just realised who this is! Hope you are well! I read your blog everyday!!!
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Melissa yay i missed you I am going to be updating it tonight.. glad you are keeping up with it. How are you?
melissa123 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Hey! I missed you to! Didnt realise you were still on here! Your blog is great! I always read it!! I am sorry to hear how things are on your latest entry Def know how you are feeling there!! She really has been mucking you around for so long! I know its so hard but I hope you can take a stand against it! Dont you worry, there are nice girls out there who arent to 'busy' for a relationship! trust me on that one! You will find the right person! Things on my end arent so great either! A few crazy things have happened, and whats annoying is he seems to be rolling in luck at the moment while all these unfortunate things keep happening to me grrr Found out some very interesting news about some things that went on while we were together which destoryed me for a good while, im still coming to terms with it but its hard! Anyway good to hear from you! Look forward to reading your blog later on!
melissa123 Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Just been reading your blog! SO glad to hear your doing better!! And thanks for the shout out!!
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