OCCDAVE Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Well as you people may know i was dumped not to long ago by my gf of almost 3 years.Well she has 2 kids who have grown attached to me and with xmas coming up i was wondering what do i do.I got them some things here but now im debating giving it or not.I thought if i sent someone to go to her house and give them she may be like no thanks,I was thinking mailing the stuff but she could do a return to sender for all i know.Heck she may take the gifts put her name on it for all i know so what do i do cause i did promise them a few things and its not their fault the mom is evil or will this look as blackmailing on my part.
Geishawhelk Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I know it's breaking NC, but it might be worth sending a short text, saying something like - "bought the kids presents some time ago. Could I let them have their pressies...." Maybe...........
BikerBeagle Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 For the record, I gave my ex and her kids presents for Christmas ...sent them through a mutual friend. They were bought before we broke up and, while I could have returned some of them, I couldn't return all of them ...so I just sent them all. I didn't put a 'giver' on them ...just wrote who they were for. If you are giving them presents for the sake of them having a good Christmas, it shouldn't matter who they are from or if your ex pretends they are from her ...hell, she can say they are from her new boyfriend. Who cares? If you are so concerned about they knowing who they are from, maybe you are doing it for the wrong reasons?
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 For the record, I gave my ex and her kids presents for Christmas ...sent them through a mutual friend. They were bought before we broke up and, while I could have returned some of them, I couldn't return all of them ...so I just sent them all. I didn't put a 'giver' on them ...just wrote who they were for. If you are giving them presents for the sake of them having a good Christmas, it shouldn't matter who they are from or if your ex pretends they are from her ...hell, she can say they are from her new boyfriend. Who cares? If you are so concerned about they knowing who they are from, maybe you are doing it for the wrong reasons?Honestly i was doing it for the sake i promised them some stuff i wont lie i miss her but she got rid of me so im not trying to get back in her good graces.
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 I know it's breaking NC, but it might be worth sending a short text, saying something like - "bought the kids presents some time ago. Could I let them have their pressies...." Maybe........... I started nc on nov 20 and its tempting but i dont wanna text her at all or make any contact.
justletgo07 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 It's a very sweet gesture. I would just be cautious. Since the break up is still so recent, anything you do can be interpreted as an attempt to get back together with her, even if that is not your intention. Also, I'm not sure how old her kids are, or how close you were with them, but if they are young and grew accustomed to your presence, or even loved you, it might confuse them. Kids don't always deal with loss well, and it may make them ask a lot of questions to your ex about why she left you or why you don't come around anymore, which could upset or anger your ex. I'm still young (23) and don't have any kids, nor have I dated any women that have, but the effect it might have on them is still something I would think about. Just a thought.
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 It's a very sweet gesture. I would just be cautious. Since the break up is still so recent, anything you do can be interpreted as an attempt to get back together with her, even if that is not your intention. Also, I'm not sure how old her kids are, or how close you were with them, but if they are young and grew accustomed to your presence, or even loved you, it might confuse them. Kids don't always deal with loss well, and it may make them ask a lot of questions to your ex about why she left you or why you don't come around anymore, which could upset or anger your ex. I'm still young (23) and don't have any kids, nor have I dated any women that have, but the effect it might have on them is still something I would think about. Just a thought.Thats the thing her kids are 5 and 3 and up untill all hell break loose and she decided she wanted her so called space they kept calling me daddy.She use to say they miss me when im not there heck they use to tell me the same thing so considering i havn't been over since Nov 20th i know they have asked im just not sure how shes replied to them.Then again i busted her at the mall last week all over some guy so i know where her mindset is dunno what the kids have been told.
BCCA Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Tough situation. If it was me, I would mail them to her with the kids names on the gifts and leave it at that. If she sends em back, so be it, at least you tried. And its really not so bad if she puts her name on them, either...who cares, she knows who bought them. As for what shes telling them, dont do that to yourself. Who knows, who cares. There is nothing you can do about that, so its best to not even think about it (as hard as I know that is).
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Tough situation. If it was me, I would mail them to her with the kids names on the gifts and leave it at that. If she sends em back, so be it, at least you tried. And its really not so bad if she puts her name on them, either...who cares, she knows who bought them. As for what shes telling them, dont do that to yourself. Who knows, who cares. There is nothing you can do about that, so its best to not even think about it (as hard as I know that is).It's tough though heck i spoke of these kids as if they were my own for the past few years sigh. I want this pain to go away:(
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 I wonder if i should still give her the digi cam i had bought her
fishtaco Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 I wonder if i should still give her the digi cam i had bought her No way, you should give it to me instead. Just kidding. Sort of. You're on NC. Contact is bad, and you're thinking of giving her the cam? Give it to one of the chicks you're trying to hook up with. If you're going to throw it away at least throw it in a direction that could be of use to you. Or if you do give it to me, I'll offer you wingman services for six months.
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 No way, you should give it to me instead. Just kidding. Sort of. You're on NC. Contact is bad, and you're thinking of giving her the cam? Give it to one of the chicks you're trying to hook up with. If you're going to throw it away at least throw it in a direction that could be of use to you. Or if you do give it to me, I'll offer you wingman services for six months.No way would i give it to her.Sigh its hard i see her on aim im so tempted to send an im but for what its over sigh
fishtaco Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 No way would i give it to her.Sigh its hard i see her on aim im so tempted to send an im but for what its over sigh Delete her on AIM? She knows you two are on NC right? You should put each other on "permanent offline" status at the very least. Is there something like that on AIM? I cleared out all my txt msg on my phone, because we txted a lot. I didn't delete her emails, but I dumped them all into a folder, one that I will not visit for a long time. Maybe when I'm old and being nostalgic of the days when I had the ability to have sex with women, I'll re-read those emails. I put her on "permanently offline" status. I assume she did the same or deleted me. I haven't seen her online. Anything you do to remind yourself of her, looking at pictures, going to places you two used to go, even if it's not "contacting her", it's still self torture, and you're just prolonging the pain.
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Delete her on AIM? She knows you two are on NC right? You should put each other on "permanent offline" status at the very least. Is there something like that on AIM? I cleared out all my txt msg on my phone, because we txted a lot. I didn't delete her emails, but I dumped them all into a folder, one that I will not visit for a long time. Maybe when I'm old and being nostalgic of the days when I had the ability to have sex with women, I'll re-read those emails. I put her on "permanently offline" status. I assume she did the same or deleted me. I haven't seen her online. Anything you do to remind yourself of her, looking at pictures, going to places you two used to go, even if it's not "contacting her", it's still self torture, and you're just prolonging the pain.I have started nc on nov 20th and have held strong since then.I have had urges to break down and text her but its over so im not gonna look like a begger.I am just angry word has it she has a new bf already so i cant stop thinking this relationship was a shame.With all this i dunno if i still wanna get the kids someone i want to but i dunno Btw i have broken down more then once these past few days i miss her and shes moved on so easy
fishtaco Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 word has it she has a new bf already Yikes, I hope word was wrong. If she is already in a next relationship, she could have cheated on you. Which makes her even less worthy for you to beat yourself up over. Sorry bro. Hang in there. As for her kids, I vote for just forget about them. Give the presents to someone else. Donate them to charity. Throw them in the trash. You cannot keep in touch with the kid without keeping in touch with the mom. Yes the kids are innocent... etc. But They are her kids, not yours. It's her responsibility that the kids grow up well adjusted. Not you. She should be the one to explain why you're gone and now there's a new guy, and why they never received their xmas presents from you. If she doesn't handle this correctly, including painting you as the bad guy, this is only going to hurt her kids in the future. And again, not your problem.
johan Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 No gifts for the ex or her kids. It's not your place to give gifts anymore. That's how it goes. It's a cold, cruel world.
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Yikes, I hope word was wrong. If she is already in a next relationship, she could have cheated on you. Which makes her even less worthy for you to beat yourself up over. Sorry bro. Hang in there. As for her kids, I vote for just forget about them. Give the presents to someone else. Donate them to charity. Throw them in the trash. You cannot keep in touch with the kid without keeping in touch with the mom. Yes the kids are innocent... etc. But They are her kids, not yours. It's her responsibility that the kids grow up well adjusted. Not you. She should be the one to explain why you're gone and now there's a new guy, and why they never received their xmas presents from you. If she doesn't handle this correctly, including painting you as the bad guy, this is only going to hurt her kids in the future. And again, not your problem.Thats the thing for all i know she may have cheated on me and word isnt wrong my friend and i saw her all over some guy at the mall.I was left with so many what if's maybe i should have been more of a man and made her explain herself instead of just letting her say im done no explanation given meh.I feel sick cause i have fallen apart over someone who dropped me and replaced me like a pair of shoes.
fishtaco Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Thats the thing for all i know she may have cheated on me and word isnt wrong my friend and i saw her all over some guy at the mall.I was left with so many what if's maybe i should have been more of a man and made her explain herself instead of just letting her say im done no explanation given meh.I feel sick cause i have fallen apart over someone who dropped me and replaced me like a pair of shoes. Cheaters don't need a reason to cheat. It has nothing to do with you. If you have to point fault at yourself, fault yourself for picking the wrong woman. Maybe you missed warning signs that this woman is not date-able. Although that happens to all of us, men and women. Important thing is to get out once you see the relationship is going down the wrong path. Count yourself lucky that this happened now instead of 5 years from now. She could have kept you in the dark about her cheating, and kept you around for other uses.
Author OCCDAVE Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Cheaters don't need a reason to cheat. It has nothing to do with you. If you have to point fault at yourself, fault yourself for picking the wrong woman. Maybe you missed warning signs that this woman is not date-able. Although that happens to all of us, men and women. Important thing is to get out once you see the relationship is going down the wrong path. Count yourself lucky that this happened now instead of 5 years from now. She could have kept you in the dark about her cheating, and kept you around for other uses.Another thing that makes me sick to my stomach is she has like i told you two kids and she had a man who loved her and the kids so much yet it wasnt enough for her.Sigh
CaliGuy Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 For the record, I gave my ex and her kids presents for Christmas ...sent them through a mutual friend. They were bought before we broke up and, while I could have returned some of them, I couldn't return all of them ...so I just sent them all. I didn't put a 'giver' on them ...just wrote who they were for. This sounds like the best way to do it to me.
fishtaco Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 Another thing that makes me sick to my stomach is she has like i told you two kids and she had a man who loved her and the kids so much yet it wasnt enough for her.Sigh There are PLENTY of people out there like this. Some even worse. One of my friends had a live-in boyfriend, they've been together for 7 years. Recently, she found out he's married. And, he also has a fiance for 2 years (probably been together longer than that), and he's got another chick that he had 2 kids with. And they all live relatively close to each other. Apparently the fiance found out about the wife, called her, they went though his phone and started dialing every female phone number, and found my friend, and probably the other lady with 2 kids. I'm amazed that he could pull it off for so long. His excuse for my friend was that he's working 3 jobs so even though he lives with her, he's not home very often. She tossed all of his stuff out of her house, and told him to pick them up before she calls waste management. Part of me want to punch him in the face, part of me want to shake his hand. That's an incredible feat he pulled off. I did not think that was possible. Grand finale? The wife took him back... Yes. If there's any occasion for face-palm, this is it. The only thing you can do is to stay away from people like this. Your ex is not as bad, but trust me, it's a good thing you're not with her anymore.
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