samspade Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 With all due respect, you sound a little self-righteous. Nobody has to tell you anything about their private life. You two were broken up, so you weren't entitled to this information. And going through someone's phone messages behind her back is not dignified at all. Neither is going berserk and trying to dress her down over it after you've already violated her privacy, especially if you are not dating her. So your claim to any moral high ground is shaky at best. You only retain your dignity and self-respect by walking away from someone who does not want you. You didn't do that. Don't ever go through the garbage once you drag it to the curb...you'll get dirty, your neighbors might see you, and you might not like what you find. She probably lied to you about that guy because she didn't think you could handle it, and guess what? You proved her right by flipping out on her. Anyway, I'm glad you didn't give her that necklace.
BCCA Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Why couldnt you just take things for what they were (she dumped you), and get on with your life? You didnt really NEED to find out whatever truth you feel youve discovered. The dignified, "high road" to take was to just accept what she said and go on with life. Digging through her phone shows some level of insecurity, not to mention, its somewhat creepy. Im sorry if you feel attacked, but Im just trying to point out that you really went looking for answers because you wanted them, not because you absolutely needed them to move on.
Author L-R-G Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Get on my life when she was still seeing me and keeping these things away from me? How am I supposed to do that, please tell me. I had a feeling she was keeping something away from me. Anyway, if I never went through her phone, she still would've still be seeing me and keeping these things away from me. At the end of the day, it was either me finding out the truth or she would've kept playing me, keeping me on the sidelines, for her own selfish reasons. I'm sure you guys would like to keep getting played but me, I'm not taking that. I appreciate your input but you honestly don't know the whole situation so whatever you say has no relevance. You are generalizing too much and don't know the whole situation. Yes I would've accepted the break up for what it was if she hadn't kept seeing me and acting as if we were still together...I thought it was odd how she wanted to be alone but still kept acting as if everything was still okay. This was the main reason which led me to uncover the "truth".
BCCA Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Dude, I'm sorry, but you deserve this: SHE DUMPED YOU!!! Thats the only answer you needed. I wouldnt spend any time with any ex without asking what the deal was, you very well could have made your own conclusions based on the fact that she...DUMPED YOU. Thats the ONLY thing you needed to know. Stop acting like you uncovered this hidden truth that makes you better than everyone else who didnt stalk their ex and go through their phone. Get off your high horse. If you cant handle some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism about whats going on, why post on this board? Seriously man, get over yourself...
Trialbyfire Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 LRG, I'm not going to beat you up but I will suggest that if you're going to get rid of the necklace, this is the time to sell it on ebay. You've got around 2 weeks until Christmas, the perfect time for guys to be shopping, with enough time to ship.
Author L-R-G Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Well sorry things aren't what you wanted to hear. If you can't handle a response, maybe you shouldn't be on this board either. I just see things in a different perspective. Like I said, I had a gut feeling she was keeping something away from me and I did what I had to do. I didn't want to be second to none and after I found out what I needed to know, I stopped all contact. Like I said in my first post, I was wrong for going through her phone but it was more wrong of her to act like everything was okay when she was seeing someone else. I don't want to go on about this anymore, you guys are acting as if I murdered someone or something. What I did can't be reversed and I am content that I found out. It made me happier finding out the truth and that's all there is to it.
Author L-R-G Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Thanks TrialByFire but I might give it to my sister instead. I'll tell her the story behind it and if she doesn't want it, I'll sell it.
BCCA Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Well sorry things aren't what you wanted to hear. If you can't handle a response, maybe you shouldn't be on this board either. I just see things in a different perspective. Like I said, I had a gut feeling she was keeping something away from me and I did what I had to do. I didn't want to be second to none and after I found out what I needed to know, I stopped all contact. Like I said in my first post, I was wrong for going through her phone but it was more wrong of her to act like everything was okay when she was seeing someone else. I don't want to go on about this anymore, you guys are acting as if I murdered someone or something. What I did can't be reversed and I am content that I found out. It made me happier finding out the truth and that's all there is to it. If it made you feel better, and gave you piece of mind, then you really dont need validation from anyone else. Its not that you have a different perspective, its just that youre not viewing things as impartially as someone outside of the situation. Is lying worse than an invasion of privacy? Thats a judgement call everyone can make on their own, but I dont think one is clearly worse. I know, for YOU lying was worse, but I digress... Maybe this will clear things up a bit. My main point was that as soon as she broke it off, you should have just picked yourself up and moved on. You didnt need to know what she was doing and why she wanted to see you, you WANTED to. There is a big difference. And again, if this is what you felt like was the right thing to do, what difference does it make if I agree? And how hypocritical is it to say that I'm not hearing what I want to, when youre kind of doing the same thing...
Author L-R-G Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Ok I agree with your statement that I shouldn't have stuck around but I stressed saying you didn't know the whole situation for a reason. Me and this girl had a long history and she was the one who pursued me. She hinted me after she broke up with me saying, "wait until the future" and, "let me go, and if I come back, it's yours to keep". That was the only reason why I stuck around and after having her company around, I felt as if something was wrong which then led to me going through her phone. You really do have to be in my shoes to uncover everything. I'm not going to go on about this anymore, everything is a done deal. Btw, congrats on your 700th post.
BCCA Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Ok I agree with your statement that I shouldn't have stuck around but I stressed saying you didn't know the whole situation for a reason. Me and this girl had a long history and she was the one who pursued me. She hinted me after she broke up with me saying, "wait until the future" and, "let me go, and if I come back, it's yours to keep". That was the only reason why I stuck around and after having her company around, I felt as if something was wrong which then led to me going through her phone. You really do have to be in my shoes to uncover everything. I'm not going to go on about this anymore, everything is a done deal. Btw, congrats on your 700th post. Yeah, my ex did the same thing. "I dont want to lose you, but its not fair to you because I cant give you what you need, blah blah blah..."She also gave me the same line about "if she comes back" haha Must be a book out there that gives you cheesy lines to use during a breakup. Its hard not to stick around when they do that, I know I did the same thing. I dont blame you there. I hope you understand I was trying to give you advice I think will help, not beat you up. Lets just let this go, and skip anymore sarcastic congrats...
samspade Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 People always come looking for advice thinking their situations and significant others are unique. The fact is, most of these situations have enough in common that it's fairly easy for anyone not emotionally involved to give advice. It doesn't matter that she pursued you in the beginning - she dumped you in the end. It doesn't matter what she said to you - actions speak louder than words. We're just trying to help you, man, so you don't make the same mistakes again. Yeah, her behavior was not noble, but if you follow a few cardinal rules when it comes to breakups and no contact, you can avoid these pitfalls. And don't tell us that this was how you wanted it - knowing your ex-girlfriend was getting f*cked by another man right after she broke up with you. You obviously came here because you were pissed off and confused, because no self-respecting guy of sound mind would need to ask if he should give this woman an expensive necklace after all of this. There's nothing sadder than someone asking for advice and then getting irate when hearing it. We're not out to get you. We're being honest, and we're going on the information you supplied. So if there is some magical part of the story you're leaving out that makes it okay for you to hang around your ex like a lapdog after she dumps you, go through her private messages, and lose your cool when you find out she moved on faster than you did, please, fill us in. Otherwise, you can keep making the same mistakes and get the same results.
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I think the bottom line is that she was playing with your heart and you used whatever method available to you to find out the truth because your instinct told you something was off. So, you snooped... not going to beat you up for that. She was obviously still leading you on after she broke up with you. Regardless of how you found out- you did find out what kind of person she is. So, I think it's established that she doesn't deserve the necklace. I like TBF's e-bay suggestion. You don't want to have the necklace hanging around at all... not even around a family members neck! I'm truly sorry you got hurt. It sounds as if she continued to lead you on bigtime after the break up, giving you hope. The whole "I missed my period" phone call is truly whacked. I suspect she is very young and more than a little messed up to intrude on you with such hurtful information. She's seeking attention from you, not even thinking that it is soooo hurtful and inappropriate. That's the worst kind of selfish. Pawn the necklace, sell it on e-bay, try and return it.... just rid yourself of it. Symbolically ridding yourself of it will help you to move on.
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