L-R-G Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Hey guys, this is my first post and I'm in need of some advice. So me and my ex broke up about a month ago and we have been together for about 2 and a half years. She initiated the break up and insisted that she wanted time to be single since she was moving away and wanted sort out her life. Because I respected her, I let her go. After the break up we still hung out together and one day, I went through her phone (I know I shouldn't have done that) to see if she was seeing someone else. After going through her phone, I found all of these lovey dovey text messages from another guy. I immediately broke down and confronted her but she kept insisting that they were not dating. I had a feeling that she was lying and found out from a friend that she had put up a personal message for him on MSN saying "I love you [insert guy's name]". After finding out, I went berserk and I confronted her about the situation but that just made her push me away further. I have a strong feeling that she is in a rebound relationship but she just doesn't want to admit it. She has told me ever since that she just wanted to be friends with me but I couldn't accept her friendship and to be second to none. It has been about 1 week and a half that I have not contacted her. The problem is that I bought her a Tiffany heart toggle necklace for Christmas when we were still together but I am contemplating wheter or not to give it to her. I want to give it some time for us to heal - especially me but since Christmas is approaching soon, I want to know if I should give her the necklace or not? I know it's a Christmas present but to me, it means much more because I bought her this necklace to symbolize my love to her. If I should give her the necklace, how should I go about doing this to make the situation better? Any advice is much appreciated.
BCCA Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Do not, under any circumstances, give her that necklace. It will not do anything but make you feel worse AND youll be out whatever you paid for it. Let me ask you this, you want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you, lied to your face, and is currently 'in love' with someone else?
BikerBeagle Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I agree with BCCA ...you might as well run it down the garbage disposal for whatever good it will do you to give it to her.
Author L-R-G Posted December 8, 2008 Author Posted December 8, 2008 Well technically, I'm sort of out of what I paid for...unless I go through the hassle of reselling it. Yes I am heart broken to death about the whole ordeal and I'm in a state filled with clouded emotions. Sometimes I think that I'm willing to forgive her and sometimes I feel so angry and torn apart but you are right, the idea of getting back with someone who lied to me and left me for someone else seems very stupid, never mind giving her the necklace. I guess I'll just keep this necklace as a reminder of what could have been but will never be =(.
Oscar51 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Do NOT give her that damn necklace. She in no way deserves it. She's already with another guy, she's done with you for now. Take it back and get your money. You will look pathetic if you give that to her.
wmast Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I guess I'll just keep this necklace as a reminder of what could have been but will never be =(. I agree with everyone else. No point in giving it to her. But I don't think you should keep it as some sort of memento. It will stall your healing process. Just sell it or donate it to a charity or something so that you'll never have to see it!
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 You can't win her back with money and anything it buys. Guys can have a hard time understanding that sometimes. You'll end up feeling stupid later. Don't get her anything for Christmas for that matter. It won't fix the problem anyway.
FF84 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 No no no. Don't do it. Don't even contact her at all this Christmas. Enjoy it with your friends and family and look after yourself but do not initiate any contact with this girl. It won't do any good. Christmas is a horrible time to deal with break ups as it's easy to romaticise everything, but try to think long term.
samspade Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Well technically, I'm sort of out of what I paid for...unless I go through the hassle of reselling it. Yes I am heart broken to death about the whole ordeal and I'm in a state filled with clouded emotions. Sometimes I think that I'm willing to forgive her and sometimes I feel so angry and torn apart but you are right, the idea of getting back with someone who lied to me and left me for someone else seems very stupid, never mind giving her the necklace. I guess I'll just keep this necklace as a reminder of what could have been but will never be =(. Sell it, or keep it for your next serious chick. (If it's not personalized.) Be glad you two broke up before Xmas! It sucks to be down, and you made a mistake snooping through her phone and then going apesh*t about it, but don't beat yourself up too much over that. You can be sad for a little while, but put that necklace away where you won't have to look at it (the last thing you need is a reminder). In due time, the only thing it will symbolize is the bullet you dodged. Also - you are going to be tempted but I must tell you do NOT contact her for any other reason. It's tough around the holidays, but you will be doing yourself a favor if you cut off contact. Good luck.
porter218 Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 Give it to your mom or sister if you have one, just not to your ex. You wouldn't want to think of her out on a date with him wearing your necklace:sick:.
BCCA Posted December 8, 2008 Posted December 8, 2008 I bought an ex diamond earings for xmas one year. I got them early, since it was exactly what she wanted, and ended up losing the reciept by the time I realized she was cheating on me (few weeks before xmas). I just gave them to my mom. They were about $600, and as much as it sucked, giving them to her would have been even worse. Give it away or put it out of sight.
moonmoon Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 didnt even read the thread, but going off the title. NO.
Author L-R-G Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 Thanks for all the support guys and I was surprised to not see a single post telling me to give her the necklace. Anyway, my ex had called me a few hours ago and I accidentally picked up the phone (I was asleep at the time and I awoken to the phone ring and I just picked up the phone). If I wasn't so confused when I awoke and knew she called, I would've never picked up. The conversation started off with her asking me if I was asleep since I sounded like I just woke up and I did. I was sort of confused at the moment, so I denied not awaken from my sleep and then she told me that she was studying for her exam. I didn't really have much to say to her since she threw me off guard and all I wanted to do was to hang up. She then told me that her period hasn't come yet and that she was worried. Prior to the NC, we did have safe sex (with a condom) twice before I found out that she was seeing another guy. Obviously, I did not get her pregnant but what do you think was her reason for asking about her period? I'm thinking that maybe her and her new bf had unprotected sex and now she's stressing and came to me for reassurance. After telling her that there was no way we did anything risky together, I told her that I had to go and the conversation ended. After hanging up, I had some time to recollect my thoughts and I felt ****tier after talking to her because now all of these other things are crossing my mind and is making me hurt even more. I know I must initiate NC from her at all costs and I will be more wiser the next time I pick up the phone of course but I want to know if any of you can detect the motive behind her phone call to me?
kimflute26 Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Wtf? Your ex sounds crazy! She wakes you up to tell you that she missed her period????????? Sounds like she either: A. Is trying to make you misersable. B. Is an attention-seeking bitch. C. All of the above Also... do not give her the necklace. I would resell it.
samspade Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 She sounds extremely immature and like she's looking for any way to get you back on her hook. Block her from your life, let her be the new guy's problem now. You dodged a bullet, my friend. Find a better-quality woman.
Dlyrica Posted December 9, 2008 Posted December 9, 2008 Do not give her the necklace! The only reason she contacted you was to hurt you and she is obviously a very selfish person to have stooped to that level. Resell that necklace..Or you can give it to me
SierraRose Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 You had no right to go thru her phone, or question her about her about any man. Take the necklace back and save your money.
Author L-R-G Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 ^ I know I was wrong for going through the phone, but I had to find out for myself. Why can't you ask if they are seeing someone else? Wouldn't it be better if you knew if they were seeing someone, that way, you know not to stick around and can move on with your life? I don't see how that's such a bad thing to know or can someone please explain how it is? You sound very defensive towards her and make me seem like the bad guy when in fact, she lied to my face, had left me for another guy and claimed wanting to be single. Yes, I know not to give her the necklace. It sounds like a broken record now every time someone mentions to not give it.
SierraRose Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 I am sorry if I sound harsh here...If you are broken up, your broken up. It doesn't matter if she is involved with someone else, nor does she owe you an explanation. I have found when you truly love someone, it's more hurtful to know if they are involved with another. Save yourself the agony and walk away.
Author L-R-G Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 Everyone is different. You said that in your opinion it's more hurtful to know. Not everyone feels that way. I on the other hand would rather like to know and I know many other people who feel this way as well. Just because you'd rather be lied to and deceived to, it doesn't mean I want to experience that lol. And again, you are being very defensive towards her. You say that she doesn't owe me an explanation yet you think it's okay for people to lie to their loved ones during a break up? Lying doesn't solve anything, it just makes the matter worse, if anything. Complete honesty should be revealed during a break up, that way everyone is on the same page and there won't be the issue of mistrust but that's just my 2 cents.
BCCA Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 When you are in a relationship, you owe it to your partner to be up front and honest about what youre up to. When you break up with someone, you really owe them nothing. I know you wanted to find out for sure, and yes, lying isnt cool, but did you feel better after you found out? Im guessing you didnt. This is why many have said you dont want to know what your ex is up to, and you cant handle the truth. Complete honestly is not OWED to you during a breakup, I think thats where youre confused. All that matters is that she didnt want to be with you anymore. If it was because she was cheating or she just didnt feel like it anymore, its really irrelevant. There is no reason thats going to make you feel any better about getting dumped, and youre never going to get the whole truth. Bottom line, she doesnt care if you trust her anymore, she didnt want to be with you.
Author L-R-G Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 I never said complete honesty was owed to me. I said that it would be better if your partner came clean that way you will still have respect for them. LOTS of misconception. Notice how I said at the end that was what I thought - hence saying that's just my 2 cents. I'm sure plenty people feel the way I do. And again, every person is different. You quickly assumed that finding out that she was seeing someone else made me feel worse when in reality, it did NOT. I was actually able to move on much better realizing that I didn't need to stick around anymore - there is no more wondering because I now KNOW. Plus I'm now more motivated and got promoted at work and plus school is going great for me. Now tell me, if I was so damn weak finding out the truth, how am I doing so much better now? I don't know how you can just say that when you don't even know me lol. Yes it's obvious she doesn't care about me anymore, or else why would she lie to me, right? I'm no dumb as$. Not everyone thinks the way you do - some rather be the truth seeker like me. You can't just simply assume things just because it applies to you. Not two person is the same, that is why everyone is so unique.
samspade Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Thou dost protest too much, methinks. I'll take you at your word that you don't feel any worse, but as a general rule it's easier to move on without picking at your scabs like that.
Author L-R-G Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 It might be for others, but not me. I have a soul of a fighter. I came from the bottom with nothing and made something for myself. I have too much dignity and respect for myself to sit back and let someone lie to my face. I'd rather just find out the truth and move on with my life. That way, the next time I ever see her (god forbid) I can just see how shallow she is and laugh at her. I would never succumb to that level - that's just the way I am.
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