devestated

[anne1707]

You are on the right path Worlybear.

 

They are too scared to give you that job because it exposes the school even more to its wrong doing. If I were you, I would be looking forward to the Ofsted inspection and seeing how things fall apart yet more.

 

Keep strong.

[taylor]

They are too scared to give you that job because it exposes the school even more to its wrong doing. If I were you, I would be looking forward to the Ofsted inspection and seeing how things fall apart yet more.

 

I do not understand why this school is not rallying around Worly. Is there not an empathetic or compassionate peer to be found anywhere in this place of education?

 

She did nothing wrong. She is the victim. Yet they are treating her like some kind of outcast.

 

And why aren't the two scandal makers (her husband and the OW) being reprimanded for bringing this scandal into the school?

 

Here in the U.S. a famous Olympian and a famous singer just got cut from some commercial contracts because of their wrong doing. And the Olympian has been barred from events for 3 months. A clear message is being sent that scandals...acts of immorality...will not be tolerated...and no one wants to look like they are condoning such behavior.

 

Yet that is exactly what's happening at Worly's school.

 

Unbelievable!! It makes no sense.

 

If this school wants to right its wrongs, it needs to dismiss those that created the scandal, not the one victimized by it.

 

This is a very poor reflection on an institution that should know better. What kind of an example do they think they are setting.

 

Worly, I have followed your story but this is a first post.Just want you to know I think you are one of the strongest women on this forum.

[worlybear]

Spoke to union leader last night. I now have 3 options.

1.Bring a grievance case against school and govs- possible outcome financial damages but my name would be mud locally and I would find it hard to get supply work let alone a permanent job.

2.Redeployment. County find me another school as local as possible to work my hours.

3.compensatory package- Basically a pay off where I sign a confidentiality agreement .In return I would get x months salary and an agreed reference for future employment.

Will probably go for redeployment as although i would love to sue the school ,realistically it could take months and with no guarantee of a positive outcome I can't face it.

I am sure that there will be other ways of finding justice-I've just got to get my job sorted out first.

Went to see different school for daughter today. Very supportive Headteacher.

Spoke to H and he is taking younger daughter to see new school tomorrow. I am not taking her as she is adamant that she won't change schools. H offered to take her to look round.Its the least he can do considering the mess he's made of her world. We both feel she would be better off in a different school where she is not caught up in the horrible fallout.He is looking after her tonight whilst I go out with older daughter and he will break the happy news then. I know she will be upset but leaving her where she is currently unhappy is not right either. He needs to realise how devestating events have been for her and work with me to try and make things right for her.

Its tough today. Still no progress re H's job.Union are still pursuing it.

This could go on for months. Will post more later.

[Billie63]

This is really the most sickening aspect of your story. This little girl's life has been smashed because your H decided to have a midlife crisis. I'm not even going to blame the OW for her part in this - your daughter's dad has changed that little one's life forever.

 

I remember being 7 even now - I would have been devastated by this.

 

Yes you're right. Let him deal with her pain, let him see how far reaching his actions really are.

[jwi71]

I do not understand why this school is not rallying around Worly. Is there not an empathetic or compassionate peer to be found anywhere in this place of education?

 

 

That's easy taylor. The OW and worly's H are manipulating events. And the school is acting in ITS own interest albeit one colored by a gov and the headteacher. The OW wants worly's H and is ACTIVELY sabotaging worly. Using her postion as gov (when she was) to maniuplate staff against worly. The H is complicit because he likes his tart of an OW. The school is misguided because the headteacher and a gov are manipulating the situation to their advanatage. So instead of the school seeing clearly, their vision is muddied by two school leaders working in THEIR own interest.

 

She did nothing wrong. She is the victim. Yet they are treating her like some kind of outcast.

A perfectly executed betrayal. Seen it before in corporate America. The OW and her H tainted the staff against worly by virtue of their formal postions and their relationships with staff (informal power). Very typical in cut throat businesses. Sometimes referred to as 'railroading'.

 

And why aren't the two scandal makers (her husband and the OW) being reprimanded for bringing this scandal into the school?

Same as above.

 

If this school wants to right its wrongs, it needs to dismiss those that created the scandal, not the one victimized by it.

Agreed. However the conspirators have won. Let go of what could have been and focus on what is and what will be.

 

This is a very poor reflection on an institution that should know better. What kind of an example do they think they are setting.

Who writes history? The winners, in this case the OW and her H. So the school will come out clean, trust me on that.

 

Its a truly awful situation. And I'm not sure it could have been stopped. The key now, and it is almost impossibly difficult, is to let go and move forward.

[jwi71]

1.Bring a grievance case against school and govs- possible outcome financial damages but my name would be mud locally and I would find it hard to get supply work let alone a permanent job.

 

Not recommended. You may win damages but would they be enough to sustain you and your family? And when would you receive said damages? And what do you LIVE on while the grievance makes it way through the bureaucracy? And even if you win, you sully your reputation and earn "troublemaker" - making it difficult to find work.

 

I think you are smart to not choose this option.

 

2.Redeployment. County find me another school as local as possible to work my hours.

You keep your income and your reputation. This also insulates your daughter to a degree.

 

3.compensatory package- Basically a pay off where I sign a confidentiality agreement .In return I would get x months salary and an agreed reference for future employment.

Not a bad option here. You can get another teaching job and this compensation. Worth a thought.

 

I am sure that there will be other ways of finding justice-I've just got to get my job sorted out first.

There is but you won't like it. The best revenge is success. Live a happy life. Raise your daughter and hold your head up high. Character matters dear. And you have shown amazing character and grace. I know, it doesn't pay the bills and it provides little comfort at least not now anyway.

 

The internet cannot convey my respect for you. And in time, your children will also find new appreciation for you. Also in time, you will look back and find respect for YOURSELF.

 

Hold your head high.

 

Now if it brings you ANY comfort, your H and his OW are on the Titanic. I know you CAN'T see it. That they "won". They haven't. They have each other and they work together (I think your H keeps his job). Of course, the passengers on the Titanic had it all too - at first.

 

Their ship WILL sink. You don't need to do anything.

 

Live worly. Get your lawyer, file for D on the grounds of adultery, transfer to new school and LIVE.

[worlybear]

Thanks for the posts. Still not sure if i'm doing the right thing moving younger daughter. Told her about tomorrow and she totally freaked(i had to say something as, unfortunately, something came up in conversation about school tomorrow.) Finally got her calmed down but i felt awful ,especially as i pointed out that it was not mummy's fault that she had to change schools ,it was daddy's .Not proud of that but i'm just fed up of being at the bottom of the heap.

H will have to talk to her tonight.

Really fed up that ow and her kid are still sitting comfortably at school and WE have to move.There is no justice.

Going out tonight with older daughter,probably to the pictures.

Hope younger daughter gives him a hard time- he deserves it.

[travelgirl]

Worly,

 

Can you clarify a few things for me. What exactly is OW at the school compared to your position? How old is her daughter and in what grade? I am assuming your daughter is in 1st, correct? Lastly, what grades are in this school. These things might help me in later responses.

 

Don't think the union giving you those 3 options aren't your only ones. You are a victim and can negotiate. You are a threat to their school because you can blast them. Obviously going public and risking a long drawn out event is not good for you or your daughter but they don't know that yet. I see 4 options for you

 

1. You stay at your current job because your daughter is having psychological difficulties with uprooting her life due to this fallout. OW gets redeployed and/or compensation after signing a confidentiality clause.

 

2. You take the redeployment, and will even sign a confidentiality clause, so long as OW gets redeployed to another school and your daughter gets to stay at the school, if she choices.

 

3. You take the compensation, find another job and sign the clause only if OW gets redeployed or terminated and your daughter still has an option to stay at the school.

 

If you don't do any of the above this is what is going to happen:

 

4. You get compensated or redeployed, sign a clause and watch as OW and H end up working together, her daughter is still in the school, while you and your daughter are uprooted.

 

Don't let #4 happen. Don't strike one of "their" deals. Right now they want you out to bring H back while OW and daughter are all well and dandy at the school. If you leave now, no one will bat an eye and care what your thoughts are after the fact.

 

Lastly, what is H saying about this uproot of his daughter? Whether he is with OW or not, he should back that his own daughter gets to stay at the school while OW's and daughter should move. He doesn't HAVE to work with OW and as a matter of fact, I would mention to the union that because of the previous actions, obviously your H is not fit to work with anyone he is married to or seeing. I am not saying your daughter should stay, only you truly know what is best for her, but she should have the option if she really wants to and you think it is too much stress to move her.

[worlybear]

travel girl -ow is an unqualified teaching assistant ,she hears kids read ,puts up displays etc. Her kid is 8 years old and in the middle class (8-9 yrs)of a 3 class school(4-11 yrs.)She works 1 and a half days but is always in school ,making herself available to hear extra readers etc. She helps with dinner money and paperwork in the office.

I am a qualified teacher with a degree and work part-time .I am employed 2 days a week and also cover any of the 3 classes when teachers are on courses etc. Daughter is 7 and in the first class.(4-7 yrs.)

H is the headteacher and shares teaching of 10-11 yr olds.

Have been awake since 5 worrying about today.As I thought daughter totally freaked out about visiting the new school. H got cross with her and told her she had to go and look round.

H is more concerned about the next class up for daughter than the fact that she has to see ow in school, he thinks that I have coloured her feelings about ow(no,really?) Guilt has tripped in but he won't come out and tell her that it's his fault .I did though.

She is blaming me and won't tell her Dad how she feels.She had tantrums all the way home in the car.

I feel in a complete dilemma. Given the way the school has handled the current horrible situation and the lack of pastoral care for her I thought I was making the right decision.Also the middle class teacher has poor control of her class and we were not happy about her moving into it next term even before all this.

But weighed against that is the fact that she knows her current school and it has been a constant through these last months for her.

ow and her kid are not going anywhere. I am going to try and make ow's removal part of my redeployment package. Another option is to stay if daughter goes and fight my corner through legal team at union.

It galls me that H may be reinstated and she is still there. I think I would rather he lost his job completely and sod the financial consequences.How can it be that she is coming out of this smelling of roses .All she has to do is carry on as normal .Her kid's ok.

 

Everything is such a mess.

Half term next week so I will have some thinking time to decide.

Anyone out there got any ideas?

[Billie63]

I've no ideas worly but I do have a question.

 

Why are you thinking of putting your d into a news school? I've obviously missed something in your previous posts.

[worlybear]

She is struggling with all that has happened at school between the adults. Each day she asks me if ow is working. She is very unsettled and doesn't like being near ow or her daughter. Because the school is so small its very difficult to avoid ow and her daughter.

Also she is facing other kids questions about her dad. She feels very vulnerable ,she knows that daddy is not at work and ,if he goes back he will be working alongside ow.

Her class teacher(acting head) has not been very supportive (as i said in an earlier post she put my daughter to work in ow's group.) There have been other incidents and she is also aware that i am very unhappy at the lack of support from staff towards me.

As well the next class up is led by a teacher who struggles to keep control and is supported by ow as a T.A.

So i am just trying to do the best thing.

[jwi71]

Worly,

 

I have to say I am NOT pleased with your lack of control and, honestly, some pretty poor judgment.

 

You NEED to stop placing your daughter in the middle because that's exactly what YOU are doing. She DOESN'T need to know of the OW. Honestly, WTF are you telling her that for? For what purpose?

 

Your daughter doesn't need to know. Period. And how the hell can she comprehend it all when YOU can't?

 

STOP.

 

You need to PROTECT your daughter and NOT expose her to all this drama. Its tearing her apart.

 

Sorry worly...I'm on your side in this but you are DEAD WRONG to involve your daughter in this ****. She doesn't need to know whose fault or who the OW is.

 

Knock it off - you are NOT helping her by talking of these things to her.

 

As far as changing schools, move her. She knows who the OW is and what she represents so staying t that school is impossibly difficult for her. Move her for her own good.

[worlybear]

She has always known who the ow is. Its common knowledge in the playground and her dad has talked to her about it.

[Billie63]

jwi71, in any other situation, no the child shouldn't need to know about the OW. but this is a small school in a small community and everyone knows about it - worly's daughter could not have avoided finding out.

 

It were better that her dad told her rather than someone outside the family.

 

Worly, the OW and your H are despicable. At the very least, she should have resigned weeks ago and put your child first.

 

I don't see why a part time teaching assistant should take precedence over the emotional stability of a child. What on earth is this school playing at?

 

However, if your daughter stays put in her current school maybe it's a case of better the devil you know? What if she doesn't settle in a new school?

[pelicanpreacher]

Worly,

 

I have to say I am NOT pleased with your lack of control and, honestly, some pretty poor judgment.

 

You NEED to stop placing your daughter in the middle because that's exactly what YOU are doing. She DOESN'T need to know of the OW. Honestly, WTF are you telling her that for? For what purpose?

 

Your daughter doesn't need to know. Period. And how the hell can she comprehend it all when YOU can't?

 

STOP.

 

You need to PROTECT your daughter and NOT expose her to all this drama. Its tearing her apart.

 

Sorry worly...I'm on your side in this but you are DEAD WRONG to involve your daughter in this ****. She doesn't need to know whose fault or who the OW is.

 

Knock it off - you are NOT helping her by talking of these things to her.

 

As far as changing schools, move her. She knows who the OW is and what she represents so staying t that school is impossibly difficult for her. Move her for her own good.

 

Uhmmmm ... I have to disagree with your assessment of Worly's comprehension of her situation or her daughter's ability to perceive and, thereby, construct her own understanding thereto independently. The only aspect that remains open to debate in this melodrama is how the offending parties will approach coloring her 7 year old's perspective into accepting the new relationship... her father, the OW, or the joint efforts of the two. In their minds, they would transition into the future with Worly's child in tow remaining within the school enduring, hopefully, as few waves as possible which is why it was so important for the staff to begin ostrasizing Worly to debilitate her emotionally so badly that they forced her departure with the least complaint as possible. Little did they know that Worly wouldn't go quietly into that good night!.

 

The fact is, Worly's husband has a fantasy of starting a life with OW and blending his daughter into a new family with the OW's child. The evidence of how unscrupulous her husband has been can be determined by how well he incorporated the support of staff and colleagues in furtherence of this goal when Worly's child was purposefully positioned in OW's class so that bonding could occur and when attempts were made to disclude Worly from staff meetings even after he was suspended.

 

These facts would come quickly to light when and if divorce ensued so attempting to shield the daughter from the realities of the rumor mill is but an excercise in futility. Should you ask any child of divorce at Worly's daughter's age about these kind of adult matters you'd be surprised at just how much they already know or what they've heard!

 

I posted earlier on this thread what I believed would be the optimal outcome for Worly and what actions she should take and now see that I am more right in my predictions than ever before. Even if Worly succeeds in remaining, ousting the OW, and getting her husband dismissed or deployed she'll still remains professionally ostrasized and her daughter will still remain victim to the subtle effects of a staff and school body grown cold towards the both of them.

[jwi71]

OK - I see your point worly and Billie.

 

So, my bad for not realizing its a small town.

 

I don't think your daughter will welcome class with the OW. You're asking for trouble.

She needs to move.

[Lucky_One]

This is going to be VERY unpopular, but I am going to say it anyway.

 

As the saying on life goes - there are three sides to every story. His, Hers, and the Truth.

 

It looks as though there are other reasons why the job situation is going the way it is. Worly has already told of us of one instance where she shouted and banged on the table at a boy who did nothing more than poke a girl with a ruler - pretty lame little boy stuff.

 

You have a school that is rallying behind the OW, and shunning the BS, even when the BS supposedly has union backing. That is RADICALLY different than most situations. Why would a school ever want to get rid of a qualified part-time teacher and keep a part-time TA?

 

Why?

 

I am also not sure why you are painting such different pictures of your daughter. You say she refuses to change schools, but then you say she hates everything about the OW, the OW's d. You would think that she would want to leave school, esp if she will be in the OW's class next year.

 

As I said, this won't be a popular post, nor one that is deemed to be "supportive", but there are things here that just don't add up if you look at only one side of the story.

[worlybear]

Support the T.A.and not the teacher? Simple answer-Finance. TAs are cheap to employ, teachers aren't. The school is already way over budget paying out extra supply caused by the situation- for example ,H's class has to still be taught 5 days a week, that's 3 days extra supply on a weekly basis straight away. Then cost in all the other extras such as courses ,illness ,etc. To pay a TA is peanuts in comparison BUT you don't get qualified staff teaching your kids. School roll is rapidly dropping and the circumstances aren't helping that either. We have had 7 kids move to other schools in the last 2 weeks. Less kids=less cash=less staff or you get a school in financial crisis ,not wanted with OFSTED looming.

Re boy and ruler- no I'm not some kind of out of control weirdo ,I rarely need to raise my voice ,unlike the class teacher who struggles to maintain control. I have always maintained that every child has the right to learn and I would never condone any assault by one child on another- incidentally it was not just a small "poke" he actually bruised her arm. Ignore that and you get parents yelling litigation.

For your information my teaching record at the last OFSTED was " very good with elements of outstanding teaching and effective discipline. The children were motivated ,engaged ,enthusiastic and enjoying their learning."

 

I may not be getting the support in school I would wish for but I do have loads of parental support ,parents come to me rather than the full time teacher as they know I will listen and look out for their kids.

Re daughter-of couse there are mixed messages. She's been informally involved with the school since birth. She even came with me when I taught on supply aged 3. Naturally she is used to the school environment and fears change.

Re ow and her daughter, until this all blew up she and ow's daughter were best friends ,saw each other out of school etc. She feels betrayed on all levels.

From her point of view Dad has swopped his wife and daughter for somebody elses. She fears that he likes ow's daughter more.

No wonder she's muddled and fearful.

[Lucky_One]

Then why aren't the parents up in arms about this? Why haven't they deluged the school with phone calls and meetings?

 

You are a 2 day a week teacher, she is a 1.5 day TA. The pay differential can not be that much considering the low number of hours.

 

I have never seen the BS terminated and a company fully in the corner of the MM and the OW; the OW typically gets shunned. She is not being shunned - she is being rewarded and YOU are being cut off.

 

What is the deal with you and the OW? You must have been great friends with her, if your two daughters were best friends at such young ages?

[pelicanpreacher]

Worly, if the assessment of your popularity within the supporting parents is as you say then the advice the I posted way back when on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2029907&postcount=199 is beginning to seem absolutely delicious, don't you think?!!

[serial muse]

Then why aren't the parents up in arms about this? Why haven't they deluged the school with phone calls and meetings?

 

You are a 2 day a week teacher, she is a 1.5 day TA. The pay differential can not be that much considering the low number of hours.

 

I have never seen the BS terminated and a company fully in the corner of the MM and the OW; the OW typically gets shunned. She is not being shunned - she is being rewarded and YOU are being cut off.

 

What is the deal with you and the OW? You must have been great friends with her, if your two daughters were best friends at such young ages?

 

Lucky, I'm not going to blast you, and I'm sure that there is much more to the story; including, of course, the other side(s). But I don't agree that things don't add up from what we've heard so far. It seems like worly's been pretty straightforward on here, and it also seems like she has largely avoided filling her daughter's ears with spite. She has admitted that she isn't proud of telling her daughter that it's her H's fault about changing schools; but goodness, the woman's only human. And, well...it is his fault.

 

I don't see any reason why kids being great friends equates to parents being great friends. Obviously they must see each other a lot, especially since it's such a small school, but that doesn't mean anything as far as friendship. And I would also expect that, as a teacher with a degree, naturally her salary will be higher than that of someone who is without a degree, even if they're working a similar number of hours. The responsibilities are different. Why wouldn't the salary be different as well?

 

As for why the parents aren't more involved - well, I wonder that too, given that it seems the news is out and parents are withdrawing their children. I don't entirely understand the school system across the Pond, but from what I've gathered it sounds like the OW was actually elected somehow as a parent representative (governor)? That might have something to do with the stance of the school.

 

I don't know, considering that it's been about 2 months since D-day, though, I think she's managed pretty well to keep things as stable as possible under the circumstances. People are only human, and if you think about it, multiple things are being stripped away right now - a job or career can sometimes be a place for a BS to take solace away from a tumultuous home life, but in this case work is not a safe haven for her either. No wonder she's angry at this OW - it must seem like she's everywhere right now.

 

worly - I wish I had some advice to offer. But I'm pulling for you...

[worlybear]

danny drifter-Tried that but he aint listening.

[lostsoulmate]

danny drifter-Tried that but he aint listening.

 

He always listens, he just may not be giving you what you need in the exact way you thought he would present it.

 

Keep you head up!

[Billie63]

This is going to be VERY unpopular, but I am going to say it anyway.

 

As the saying on life goes - there are three sides to every story. His, Hers, and the Truth.

 

It looks as though there are other reasons why the job situation is going the way it is. Worly has already told of us of one instance where she shouted and banged on the table at a boy who did nothing more than poke a girl with a ruler - pretty lame little boy stuff.

 

You have a school that is rallying behind the OW, and shunning the BS, even when the BS supposedly has union backing. That is RADICALLY different than most situations. Why would a school ever want to get rid of a qualified part-time teacher and keep a part-time TA?

 

Why?

 

I am also not sure why you are painting such different pictures of your daughter. You say she refuses to change schools, but then you say she hates everything about the OW, the OW's d. You would think that she would want to leave school, esp if she will be in the OW's class next year.

 

As I said, this won't be a popular post, nor one that is deemed to be "supportive", but there are things here that just don't add up if you look at only one side of the story.

 

The way I'm seeing it is that the school want the husband to return to his position evenutally. The two women are secondary. Worly doesn't know for sure that OW isn't getting the same kind of treatment Worly's receiving.

 

I'm sure the school doesn't want a situation where all three people are working there at the same time and will prefer Worly not to be there, as the wronged wife maybe the school feels she'll be a malevolent presence?

 

In addition I wouldn't be surprised if the husband has told one of the governors (who passed it onto the others) about worly's suicide threat when she was a low ebb.

 

And the school's running scared of having someone 'emotionally unpredictable' working there with kids (no offence worly, I'm just saying how they may choose to think).

[pelicanpreacher]

When all is said and done Worly will eventually follow my lead....

THEY ALL DO AND THEY ALWAYS WILL!!!