Shygirl15 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 We love each other. Okay. however he turned round and said that he didn't like Aidan and that he would never be able to live in a house with my son. He had been doing some DIY jobs for me and evidently my son had ignored him when he spoke to him. Huh?? What the hell?? Why are you even asking for opinions for this? Dump him. Your son should come first. Always. What an idiot. Edit: I have realized you have already dumped him. Good job.
Lishy Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I came to my senses (about the relationship) later that evening when I realised that he wouldn't talk to me in front of his ex-girl friend. So I broke it off and said it was over. Good for you girl!! I a proud of ya!! He sent me a text on tuesday saying that he wanted to see me tomorrow after he has seen his daughter and exoff at the airport. I was to let him know time and place. I didn't respond. It sounds cowardly I know, but if I see him I am not sure I could be so strong and keep away. He hasn't contacted me since. I know it must hurt,but you SOOOO did the right thing, he had an issue with his ex being there, I dont know what but the fact that he has not contacted you since should show you how he really felt! I feel so guilty for introducing this man into his life who clearly didn't dexerve either my son or me. I also feel guilty because I want to be with him still, and it hurts me that I am not. I am still shocked that someone I love and who I thought loved me would say those things to me about my son. Hey,dont beat yourself up! You saw the signs and GOT OUT! You are a mum not a mind reader. Some women would have stayed with the dude regardless of the childs needs, you did not do that! We were going to spend Christmas with him and all his extended family, it would have been lovely and noisy and fun. I will still make Christmas special for my son but I can't help feeling sad. I am grateful that this happened now and not in a few months time. We were about to take a house together which would have been a disaster. Of course you will mourn the great day you had planned BUT would it have been so great knowing that your SO did not like your son? My father has been taken into hospital this week and I'm feeling really low, so the urge to call him is strong. Oh babe,I am sorry your dad is poorly! Thank you all for your comments and advice. Do you have any ideas on how to get over this? Time is the only way, and also when you miss hi just remember how he disliked your son and imagine the damage that could have been done to your lovely boy!! I commend you and your decision, it shows what a fab mum you are and what a lucky boy your son is! On a side note, you really should never consider moving in with a guy you have known for such a short time, you have your boy to think about!
Author trixy Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 Not that it changes anything now, but I wasn't going to move in with him until next summer, so whilst still relatively quick we would have been together nearly 18 months before living together.
melodymatters Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Thanks for sharing your experience with us Trixy ! I have been following your thread, and agree that you did the right thing all the way around. Hope you stay around love shack: we'll help you vet the next guy who just MIGHT be lucky enough to hang with you and Aiden ! Good luck and have a very happy holiday ! mm
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 trixy, it's wonderful to see someone who loves their child enough to put their own selfish needs secondary, to the emotional well-being of the child. You have my respect!
Lishy Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I agree TBF, it is refreshing to see a mother put her childs happiness above her own! Even though she is upset and misses him, she is holding back for the sake of her son - I wish more people were like this!!
Author trixy Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Its been 7 days since I broke it off, I haven't contacted him at all. I have been keeping my self busy getting ready for Christmas and having fun with my son. My father is still really ill. Even so I have been really positive about everything. Today I recieved a text from his sister saying how much they all missed me, and how sad they all are about what has happened. She has presents for us (I have presents for her family too). It has made me so sad. I feel that I have lost so much. Two weeks ago I was looking at a wonderful future with a man I love, and now its all gone. I know that I have so much, a home a beautiful son, loving family and great friends but I am still so very sad.
moonshadow Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Trixy, I get the feeling he wasn't being honest with you for some time. I get the impression that he was looking for a way to get you to dump him and what could be worse than telling your GF that you don't like her child and that you could never see yourself living with their child? It doesn't get much lower than that, IMO. A revelation like that couldn't help but hit deep to the core of a parent. Just curious; had you ever spent time with him and HIS daughter? Did he ever make you a part of her life, when he had his time with her? Or when he saw her monthly, was it always him flying THERE? (and not her flying to be at his home). I'm guessing that it was him flying to where she/his ex live. So if that's the case, and she was here now for their celebration of xmas, why wouldn't he have invited you - to meet his daughter or if you've already met her, to spend time with her, just as he's been a part of your son's life? I would be very leary of a man who professed to love me, who was talking about living together down the road....but who didn't make any attempt to include me in his life with his child. I say this from experience with a past boyfriend who had a young daughter. There was always lots of talk about how he wanted to include me in that part of his life (he flew to see her 4 times year) and told me the next time he'd fly there to see her (his Mom lives in that same city so that's where he stayed when he went back home), he'd take me with him.......but that was all just talk. He didn't even want his ex to know I existed, citing he didn't want to "upset her" (and no, they weren't married).....because she apparently was a "b*tch" and if she got upset that she'd use their daughter as a pawn to get back at him. Maybe,. maybe so.......but I think it was a lot of BS on his part. Funny, he was talking about marriage with me, building a life together, living together.......yet to his family and his ex and his little daughter, I didn't even exist. I was just a big secret and he had many excuses. this hurt me greatly. In your situation, I find it interesting that so many days have passed and he's not even tried to make contact with you. Sure, he texted and suggested you 2 meet and you didn't respond but you'd think that if he was really in love, he'd have done anything he could to communicate with you..........like maybe pick up the freaking phone or come to your house (texting is so impersonal and cowardly, I think, particularly when it comes to serious situations).
Author trixy Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Thank you moonshadow. I suspect you are right, I can think of no other reson for his saying what he did than to make me leave him. I am still shocked at his behaviour and his lack of contact, but hey it just goes to show what an absolute loser he is. He did include me with his family though, they have even sent cards and texts to say how sorry they are that we have split up and how much they miss us. We (my son and I) were supposed to be spending Chirstmas with them all at his family home. From the minute I met his mother we just clicked, it is possible that that is why he had to make me leave him. Who knows. I have arranged to meet with his Mum and sister after Christmas. That may be a bad idea but I can always change my mind.
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